I had to call

After looking over Maddison's log for hours today, I just had to call the Endo. I haven't called the Endo for help with numbers-ever. Thats how stressed I am with these lows at the moment. I spoke with J explaining how I have decreased, decreased basals and changed ratios. I told her about the ZERO basal set prior to these lows at 1:30. I told her how I changed Maddison's lunch ratio from 1:20 to 1:32 over the past week. And then, she pointed out what I didn't want to be true. I knew I wasn't crazy or doing anything wrong......

I'm not placing blame.....but each of these lows have come AFTER Maddison is treated for "mild" low. A mild low that the nurse treats with just 4c!!! Today she treated a 22 with 8c...E-I-G-H-T carbs! Last year we had problems with over treating lows....which I know is why the nurse is just trying to "bump" Maddison up from mild lows.....but I emailed her today! The "bumping" up we used to do last year is NOT what I have her approved to follow THIS year, and certainly not when things have been low lately!! I warned her about these weird lows!! She sees them, and still under treated the initial low that lead to the 22 low!! I'm so sad for Maddison having these lows....all the nurse needed to do was follow my direction, follow the written plan.....

J at the Endo's office agrees that Maddison's LOW LOWS must be from the nurse under correcting the original impending low. She validated all my concerns, all the changes I've been making....and assured me I've done well making adjustments, but my heart is still broken. Maddison has had a terrible headache all day. She's so unusually grumpy. She's ravenous. I'm sure the low low is what's causing this today. I keep seeing 22 flash through my mind, and each time I'm more scared for the could have's. I know Maddison was ok in the end.....but what if I wasnt there to pick her up early and give her those extra 16c?? Maddison is working on melt down #4 right now. I could hear her arguing with her sister over the computer.....then she went to her room SCREAMING and in tears. A few moments later I hear the garage door open....and Maddion says "I'm leaving!"

Josh is out there right now following her. She wants to run away, and I can tell you it isn't because of the computer. Maddison's had a hard day. I can only imagine whats REALLY going on in her mind right now. She came home from school a bit clingy today, which isnt like her at all. She's scared. I think she's also overwhelmed....because I was telling her after school that if she feels she needs more tabs for a low then she needs to speak up and tell the nurse. But she's 9. She trusts authority, and she certainly trusts her RN at school. I just want to crawl into the fetal position and cry at this point. I dont want to send her away tomorrow.....I dont know how to approach the nurse without stepping on her toes. I dont want to point fingers.....and I'm not, but I will feel like I am......especially after she asked me today what I did when I came in and changed Maddison's site right before the low....."Did you give her extra insulin?" she asked....I just about FREAKED out over that one!

Tomorrows plan....change the ratio yet again. Keep the basal at zero. And, no bolus unless she eats more than 20 carbs.....bolus AFTER, not half up front and half after. PLEASE LORD...let tomorrow be okay! Keep my Maddison safe!