Am I the only mom with a young "D" child that cringes at the sight of a birthday invitation? Don't get me wrong. I love the fact that Maddison is invited, and to see the sparkle in her eye knowing that she gets to go to a party is priceless. Of course this is a party at Pump it Up, an indoor jumpy Disneyland for kids, even adults. For two and a half hours Maddison will be jumping non-stop, enjoying pizza and cake in between. I love that she is healthy enough to do these things, but birthday parties and Diabetes SUCK! I have been master planning how I will dose for the cake vs the hours of activity that will show its ugly head later (and sooner) in the night. I feel guilty for dreading birthday parties, but you just never know what it will bring.
There was the magic party that included so much excitement we chased lows the entire time. We sat drinking soda and eating the cotton candy while other parents looked horrified as they watched me frantically feed all this sugar to my "D" child. She stood in front of them pale as could be, giggling, seemingly fine. I really thought I planned well for that party too, but Diabetes won that day.
There were the swim parties that she ran high the whole time and was too exhausted to even enjoy herself. How could that happen? Sometimes the burst of adrenaline in swimming makes her go higher first, but for hours she stayed high. Was I supposed to deny her any food? Deny her the cake and ice cream because she was high to begin with? Of course not. But you feel guilty either way you choose.
There is the tea parties that I assume will cause highs from tea cakes, cupcakes and cookies, only to leave me dazed and confused all over again wondering what the hell I did wrong. Chasing lows with all that sugar? Is it the excitement that burns up the sugar making you think for just a day you were without Diabetes?
I wish I could just drop Maddison off like all the other kids, and not worry about every single bite of cake. Not worry about that stupid jumpy house. Not worry that she feels "different" having her finger poked a million times in 2 hours because she is low, low, low. One party she asked me to check her sugar in the bathroom because she didn't want all the kids to stare......she was never embarrassed before. My eyes were full of tears as I told her it was okay, to never hide in a filthy bathroom to check your blood sugar. You should never be ashamed of Diabetes. But, even I myself "hide" it sometimes, how could I expect her to always be so confident and secure with herself? We made it as private as we could that day, but my heart broke into a million pieces for her. I cried for hours that night.
So, tomorrow I will be full of anxiety in anticipation of what the party will bring. I pray that she won't go low and have to sit out waiting to resume her play. I pray that she won't be sky high in the end either. It is just one day, and for one day I just want her to do all the normal kid things again without worry. (moms worry that is) Diabetes is harder on the parents on party days. She won't even notice Diabetes is there. But mom always does. Every single minute, until you see her smiling face, and hear those words....."that was the best party ever"will mom know Diabetes is there, and I will still always have a master plan. I plan on this party to be picture perfect, no scary highs, no scary lows! I have learned from my mistakes, and learned that sometimes my best is all I can do...... As long as she has fun and runs, jumps and plays to her heart content, I will be a happy mom. And then in the end I will need a nice bottle of wine :)
Moving my blog again
9 years ago