Weird timing and 3rd grade math

I FINALLY gave in and went to see my doctor today. This was day 5 of my continuing fever, when I realized my lower back really hurts! All these days I thought my fever and body aches was from the flu Maddison and I have been fighting. NOPE. Well, maybe at first. Today it became clear, very quickly, that I have a kidney infection looming. What weird timing! I tell ya, for me its all or nothin'!!

I was quite bothered with my Dr visit today. I didnt get to see my regular doctor, a PA actually. I saw another doctor in the group who wasn't very thorough. I'm sorry... I guess I expect doctors to be on top of past medical history and current medical conditions. Is it too much to ask that they review your chart? This doctor was concerned with my high level of ketones. Not once did he ask what my blood sugar was. Isn't that kinda important? What if I was in DKA? What if I was a person with Diabetes that wasn't on top of all this? He asked if I had eaten lately, I said no I hadn't eaten at all today, and he said I needed to eat something to get rid of the ketones....this was true for me today. I hadn't eaten, so besides being sick I also had elevated ketones becuase I hadn't eaten all day. My blood sugar has been 60-127 the past week since I've been ill. WEIRD. I dont go high when I'm sick. But WHAT IF my blood sugar was as high as my ketones!!?? He never once asked me about my blood sugar! I just don't feel like doctors are in tune enough with their Diabetic patients, no wonder there are so many people with Diabetes that go downhill.

What if I had ketones and terribly high blood sugar? He wouldnt know..BECAUSE HE NEVER ASKED ABOUT MY BLOOD SUGARS!! Sheesh. I just couldnt believe that.

Ms Maddison spiked a fever again tonight....WEIRD. How can you have a fever and be on Anti-biotics? -Sigh- Guess something still isnt right somewhere. Poor girl. She's been sick over a week now. MATH....catching up on math.......3rd grade is learning multiplication right now. Just starting to learn. So where the heck did these problems come from....

m + 6 + 21 = 70

3 x 2 x a = 42

36 = t-9

16= 4xq

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!????? THIS is 3rd grade math? I'm so frustrated and irritated with our school!! The expectations are ridiculous. can't we master something before moving on to the next lesson? The kids JUST started learning multiplication after Thanksgiving and now they are pushing THIS on them? In 3rd grade!!?? Needless to say, Maddison is struggling. Again. And I have to fight for her to keep an IEP? Our meeting is scheduled next week. SOMEONE has GOT to step in and help Maddison succeed. As a parent I do my part, so what happens when that isn't enough? We are caught up on missed work, but as quickly as schools move ahead these days there just isn't enough time to master anything. Its all up to me to make an educational plan that will keep Maddison from falling behind? What is the schools responsibility in all of this? An advocate charges $250 for a consultation. Each hour that they work up a plan or attend meetings with you costs $175 per hour. What happened to "no child left behind"???

Just a cold?

If this ick we are going through is just a bad cold, I'd hate to see what the flu would bring! I started the morning with high ketones and a fever, and low blood sugar. WEIRD. I'm always low when I'm sick while Maddison runs high. Maddison had small ketones and a terrible cough. No fever for her thank goodness! This is day 6 of Maddison feeling terrible, but it does come and go through out the day giving her some relief. In between coughs and a headache that lingers, Maddison plays with her birds, then climbs back in bed beside me. Maddison and I go through alot together, thats for sure.

This is the 2nd time today I've pulled myself out of bed. My fever is gone for now, and so is my voice from all the coughing! It was time to conquer some of Maddison's absent work....HOLY MOLY, just looking at that pile made my nausea return. We made it through about 2 papers and that was all we could both handle. We watched the movie "UP" and the movie "Santa Buddies" until we both fell asleep. -Sigh- We are tired of being sick and tired! Tomorrow I'm hoping to send Maddison back to school.....I'm dreading that already. Maddison's highs I had figured out before illness are back of course. As if being sick isnt enough to wear you out! Add high blood sugars and its down right miserable. If my fever stays away I'll be back at work too......I just want to get on with week and back to functioning! This is some terrible ick!

Sick with a terrible ICK!

Maddison missed the actual American Girl fashion show :( She was so heartbroken. She tried to tough it out, (her idea) but within an hour of arriving at the hotel Sunday morning she was back to tears. Gagging. Coughing. Feeling terrible, looking terrible too! Home to bed we went. Maddison did get to do the 2 fun News Promo's earlier in the week, we can't forget that how lucky we were to do that!

I was quickly going downhill myself, ignoring how yucky I felt to push through the final show. Just wasn't gonna happen. Sunday was a day full of ick, staying in bed and trying to nap while our heads and muscles ached, throats felt on fire and coughs took over. ICK! Today is even worse. The rain is falling, its dreary and cold outside. Maddison goes from feeling ok, to being in bed bundled up with chills. Same here. Hannah woke up feeling the same too. So make that 3 of us in bed all day. I haven't been this sick in a l-o-n-g time. I might get a sniffle, a tickly throat or headache, but it never keeps me in bed. Speaking of, its time to go back to bed. No more pictures to post from the fashion show :( What a bummer!

News Channel 3, OH NO and Parakeets

This morning Maddison joined the other JDRF "American Girls" bright and early for their 2nd live news mini fashion show promo......

It was pretty funny, all the girls acted like modeling pro's by now. Live camera didnt even faze them! They all looked SO cute! Tomorrow is the BIG DAY, the ACTUAL fashion show day! Maddison woke up feeling YUCKY this morning, her tickly throat was back to PAINFUL. She hit 300's by 2am, a sure sign of impending illness of course! She was GRUMPY waking up, but being she was so excited to go to the news station and rehearsal afterwards, she didnt complain about anything, though I could tell she felt terrible. That's Maddison for ya. She is very pain tolerant and never complains. (unlike her sister!) That is, UNTIL something sets her off.....

REHEARSAL. By the afternoon Maddison was pale and had dark circles under her eyes. UH OH. I could hear her voice changing from her cold that has been brewing. And, then it struck. The trigger.....at rehearsal the girls got to choose a doll name from a cup, and they would wear that outfit with the matching doll for the fashion show tomorrow. But not Maddison. She was the same outfit and doll that she was for both news appearances. (because the size fits) She was disappointed.....because she was placed with the 6yr old girls. The girls clothing size determined their outfits AND group. So, even though Maddison is 9, she still wears a size 6 and was placed with the young 6yr old girls. YIKES. Disappointment was the trigger. Quiet tears came. Then the barking cough. Then the complaints of her throat being on fire. We ended up leaving rehearsal 2 hours early and headed to the Urgent care.

The doctor gave me the choice....swab to see if Maddison is strep positive or just assume from seeing her fiery red throat. (no white spots) I'll take the assumption being her strep history. RX Amoxicillan. No wonder I've been feeling like crap the last few days! Of course now Maddison feels fine after some rest and better blood sugars. So tomorrow? Hmmmmmmmmmm......miss the ACTUAL fashion show? Hmmmmmmmmmm.......I think I'm being the bad mom and bringing extra hand sanitizer. Maddison assures me she feels GREAT and will tomorrow. -Sigh- This is a tough one! OH NO!!

Maddison said goodbye to "Keeko" her lizard a couple weeks ago. I guess we just aren't lizard people. Let me warn you, a Bearded Dragons cage smells 1000 times worse than a litter box. Trust me. It just wasn't working. So, Maddison sold her lizard and used the money to buy.....PARAKEETS of course! 3 new parakeets for the aviary! The next day, Maddison went to volunteer at the bird rescue and came home with 2 more!! But these 2 are tame baby parakeets and Maddison is having a ton of fun with them!! So far, they are living inside with us while Maddison works on teaching them "tricks." Something tells me they may never make it outside to the aviary of "wild" birds. :)

Starting Over-again

Three years ago on December 4th, 2006 Josh and I held Maddison down as she screamed in panic and tears filled her eyes. Nurses inserted an IV into her tiny hand, technicians drew blood, and her fingers were poked. After all the initial ER work up was done and we had a moment of "peace" to take it all in, Maddison sat silently in the cold hospital bed suddenly looking very ill to me. She was. "Diabetes" she said, "just like you Mom." "Just like me" I said. 9 months into my own diagnosis Maddison was admitted to Phoenix Children's Hospital with the same damn disease. Three years ago, seems like an eternity.

In many ways I feel I was "chosen" to live this life right along side of Maddison. Its strange, I accepted my own diagnosis from day 1. It wasn't such a big deal. And then came Maddison's diagnosis, and I realized the seriousness of it all. I had no idea how difficult life was about to become. My Diabetes is pretty simple. Always has been. Its alot of work, yes, but easy to figure out in comparison to Maddison's ever changing needs. If there is one thing I've learned in three years with Diabetes, it is that we constantly start over.

For the past 4 weeks I have been making almost daily changes to Maddison's insulin dosing to get her out of this high streak. Finally, we saw progress for a few days. Last night? 55 before dinner. 68 after dinner. 25c before bed to get to a safe number. Today? We are starting over. Saying goodbye to all the micromanaged changes over the last 4 weeks to defeat the highs. Saying goodbye to double basals and decreased ratios. Today is an all new day. We are starting over-again.

Maddison woke up with a scratchy throat today, a yucky cold brewing. I decided to keep her home since today was early release from school. An hour after breakfast....62. Then 55. 67. 72. 89. 45c total. 4 weeks of highs, three good days and now THIS!!?? Reduced basal rate. Is she low because she's getting sick or maybe she's low because she isn't at school? What do I do now for lunchtime? Try again. Cautiously, I changed her ratio back to what it used to be BEFORE this high streak. An hour after lunch the CGM says 112 with a down arrow. 20c. TWO down arrows. 15 more carbs. Reduced basal rate. Dinner? I reduced insulin by half. Switched back to the "old" basal pattern, you know, the one you use when your D kid isnt growing? Yep. Starting over-again.

Why is it that Diabetes is constantly causing us to go back to the same old places? The emotions of Diabetes is like one big circle. You pass the difficult times, we always do. But all the OLD and BURIED emotions come back at some point. We go from feeling blessed that "its only Diabetes" to feeling helpless and hopeless. We go from being motivated and determined to feeling defeated and clueless. Optimistic to skeptical. Fearless to fear. Heartbroken to peaceful. Sometimes in a matter of days. Hours, or even minutes.

This year has been very tough for Maddison in so many ways. Just like 3 years ago, I wish I could take it all away. 3 years ago Maddison lost life as she knew it. Life as I knew it. Life as our family knew it. I know each one of us in this house has become stronger and more compassionate because of Diabetes. Some days we just dont feel it. I had so many things to say tonight, but now its all one big jumble of emotion! Now I just want to go crawl in bed with Maddison and hug her tight while she sleeping! If only our children knew why we are such crazy D moms! I wish the world had a true glance into the lives of our children, so they could see the miraculous life they live. Every day. Staying alive because of insulin. Life threatening highs. Life threatening lows. Why dont people even realize!!?? Every day, starting over and moving forward. Leaving yesterday behind and working on TODAY. Starting over-again and again and again.

News Promo video

Click here.......New Promo JDRF American Girls

News promo

This afternoon Maddison took part in a local News station promo (mini fashion show)for this weekends upcoming "American Girl" holiday show....LIVE!! How fun! Maddison says she wasn't nervous a bit, I think it helped that her friend Charlize was a chosen American girl too :) Here's a picture of the JDRF American Girls!



Dad forgot to bring the camera!! AHHHHHHH!!!! These pictures were taken by cell phone. Thats ok, next up is a Saturday morning promo on a different news channel, followed by rehearsal...and finally, the actual Holiday show (2 of them) on Sunday! Betcha can't guess what Maddison will be getting this Christmas :)

In other news...highs highs be gone! This is week 3 of manipulating basals and ratios for Maddison....FINALLY she was in range all day so far this week! Not one number over 170 and not one under 100. Now I just wonder how long this will last? Even the CGM shows a nice "flat" line for several hours in the day. I say "flat" because compared to what we were seeing the last 3 weeks, this is about as good as it gets!