This morning I went in to speak with the nurse yet again about Maddison's lows following lunch. I expected to walk in there quickly before leaving for work, ask her to make sure not to bolus any carbs before Maddison ate her lunch, and make sure she was aware of Maddison's running wild at recess. What I didnt expect was for her to show me LO, 24 and 54 on Maddison's meter recorded yesterday. LO. LO means blood sugar is too low to read, under 20. All I could do was stare blankly at that LO followed by a 24, 54 and a 284. Those are NOT that numbers that came home on Maddison's log yesterday.
The nurse explained that LO couldn't be right. Maddison was fine. She LOOKED fine. The low was followed by a retest showing 192 so she sent Maddison back to class. 40 minutes later Maddison returned feeling low. The meter read 24, BUT, the nurse explained that couldn't be right. Maddison LOOKED fine. A retest showed 54 which was then treated with ONE glucose tab and her scheduled snack, a 13c yogurt drink. 5 minutes later the meter recorded a 93. Ten minutes later, 284. Looking in Maddison's pump history, I dont see the 284 after the snack. I see 216, which was then corrected. WHY? It seems our nurse (who I love dearly) is taking numbers into her own hands. I warned her not to allow the pump to dose corrections in full. Therefore, she came up with the number 216 and corrected. WHY? I don't know why. Thats why I turned my car around after being 5 minutes from work. I can't wait for another WHY. I can't leave Maddison today. I'm Maddison's nurse today. I'm going to school at lunchtime and taking this into my OWN hands. I have to.
Denial, as I have said before, is a real thing. At first I didnt believe that LO the nurse showed me on the meter. I left the nurses office and headed to work, feeling like today for Maddison would be okay. As long as the nurse follows my direction. But what if she doesn't AGAIN? What if that LO was accurate? It was, wasn't it!!?? Numbers danced in my mind as I tried to tell myself todays plan will work. The more I thought about LO, the more nauseated I felt. This is my childs LIFE here we are talking about. These lows are catching up. Regardless of what I do to keep Maddison safe. The only way to assure her safety is for me to take this into my owns hands. No Nurse telling me LO couldnt be right. Try telling a parent that as their child seizes and falls into unconsciousness. Death? It could happen. Denial can't keep me from that harsh reality.
I'm off to school where I will sit and wait. **I** will stick with my plan. **I** will NOT deny the reality of a LO, a 24 or a 54. **I** will not treat a 54 with 4c. **I** will not pull numbers from a hat and decide what "looks right" **I** will keep my child safe when the over worked nurse does not. **I** will witness activity level that coinsides with a blood sugar result. **I** will defeat Diabetes. No more hoping and praying that the nurse gets it right and sends home the truth in the numbers. Was she hiding the LO from me? The 24 that followed? Why didnt she tell me yesterday? WHY did I have to go into that office for her to show me today? There are just to many WHYS and they need to be resolved NOW. TODAY. Not after Maddison is recovering from a seizure. NOT after unconsciousness. NOW. TODAY. If it takes me a week of sitting at that school to get things right, then so be it.
Moving my blog again
8 years ago