Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Its 12:37am and I feel like I'm about to crumble. As in, fall to pieces and have a total D mom meltdown. I dont know what to do for Maddison at school. She's either in the 20's to 50's from running wild, or in the 280's to 300's for playing in the sand. HOW do you dose insulin for lunch not knowing what her activity is going to be? How? Lows are dangerous. Highs are dangerous. Shooting from one extreme to the other isnt good either. I just want to cry.

Maddison was 238 going to bed tonight which is unusual. She says her head, stomach and throat hurt. No way....that cant be. I dosed a correction for the 238, but knowing her sensitivity is all whacked out right now, I gave a .1 instead of the suggested .4 correction. Two hours later Maddison was 111 with .1 active. I feel like I'm about to crumble. I gave FAR less than usual. I'm doing everything right and nothing is co-operating. I just want to cry. "Drink Drink Maddison" And down goes 8c of juice in her sleep. Now I wait and wonder what the hell I'm supposed to do for tomorrow to keep Maddison from going low if she decides to run wild at recess. WHY WHY WHY can't my little girl just run wild like the rest? WHY does she have to be stricken with lows just because she decides the day must be a wild recess day?

Tomorrow will tell. I'm sticking to bolusing all carbs after Maddison eats to give her sugar the time to rise before dropping from recess play. RISE? We dont want blood sugar to RISE. But for now, it seems it has to, to keep Maddison safe from lows. Its an evil disease this Diabetes. The highs we desperately fight. The lows we chase away. Some days there isnt an in between, just because a little girl must play. This mom is about to crumble from the stress of lows. Of highs. Of not knowing what to do next. It would be simple if Maddison were with me all day. I can be there watching in the shadows, making decisions based on experience, activity levels and such. But she's at school. Trying to be normal, when her body is anything but normal. There just isnt an easy answer. We must take the highs to avoid the serious lows. 22 at school. TWENTY TWO last week!!! Now the one thing I'm used to fighting every day is welcomed. The highs are welcomed over the lows. We have to run high to avoid the immediate life threatening lows. Thats how SICK Diabetes really is.


phonelady said...

first off hugs to you kelly . I cant tell you how many times I have felt the same way and wanted to cry , it will work out and things will get straightened out and yeah it is not fair our kids have to watch everything and I mean everything . Just remember to breathe and we deal with it every minute of every day dear . I hope things straighten out soon for you all . You know what is going on and you will figure it out .

Wendy said...

I'm wrapping my arms around you and hugging you tight....

You are a strong mother...a fantastic diabetes manager...an aweseome wife...a wonderful friend.

You amaze me with your meticulous logs, managing diabetes for both yourself and your child, and keeping up with volleyball/animals/birds/school/ work/family...

You are an incredible person who is allowed to have moments that fall apart. I'm here ready and willing to do anything I can to help you get back up. You are never alone.


Meri said...

Nights are so bad. D moms should be allowed to switch our brains off at night. Could the good Lord PLEASE let us know where that switch is?

I think you are on the right track. I bolus B, my 7 year old after lunch recess. That is a full 1/2 our after he eats and (right now) it is working beautifully.

Good luck! You WILL figure it out! I know it!

LakeLady said...

I am just a Gma by-stander and I stress!! Honestly, I don't know how you girls do it day, after day, after day. I only have admiration all of you.