Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Anxiety filled day

This morning Hannah woke up saying that her throat hurt. I called the doctor on the way to work and got her an appointment for 9am. She stayed home with Dad today. I figured her Strep throat never completely went away when she had it weeks back. Immediately following antibiotics two weeks ago she caught a cold, and her throat sounded more froggy than ever. Being that she felt fine, no fever and no sore throat, I figured she couldn't still have strep right? So, I just ignored the froggy sound and stopped asking Hannah if she felt fine because she always said she did, although I could hear the swollen throat. Then came the weird hives. But no other symptoms that continued day to day. Finally today the sore throat symptom set in and said take her in!!

Imagine that. Strep positive. The Ped says strep can sometimes cause an allergic reaction type of hives. Great. Hannah started with hives last week. I wanted to make sure Josh mentioned the dizziness she had on Monday, and the swollen hands she would get with the hives. You never know when something weird might be lingering. But, I just assumed these disappearing symptoms were all a part of the "allergy" she was having. The doctor ended up ordering a bunch of stat labs, I guess his concern was that Hannah could have Diabetes since it is clearly a genetic thing in our family, and the fact that she has recurrent strep throat kinda triggered him into wondering about an underlying autoimmune issue.

So all day I was a NERVOUS WRECK waiting for these STAT labs. I mean, serious anxiety as I tried to focus at work. Serious. As in, headache, palpitations.....I was sure Hannah was fine and her labs would come back without Diabetes, but then there is always something that nags at my mind saying MAYBE THIS IS THE DAY. The other cause of my anxiety of course, was being worried that Maddison would have another low at school. Yesterdays 22 has me feeling extremely paranoid. I spoke with the nurse with every blood sugar check today, and this is what we saw.....

9am 202 PE day with .2 active
11am 129 going into lunch. No upfront bolus for half the carbs as we normally do.
1130am 167 after eating lunch, bolused normally with a new ratio 1:37 vs 1:32
1247 noon Maddison feels low but is 253
154pm 79 Thats quite a drop for an hour....I was worried the drop was now moved to later in the day since lunch wasnt bolused until after eating....time for snack now since she's working on a drop?

I instructed the nurse to leave her snack of 15c unbolused....in fear of the drop. I asked her to check Maddison 15 minutes after eating, to see whats happening.....

215pm 263 bolused for the snack as I asked.

No crash today, and the only thing I changed was the ratio by 5 points (which is actually quite huge) and bolused AFTER lunch instead of before, so I could see what was happening. I still dont know where this leaves us for tomorrow. I assume the nurse under correcting the initial "mild" lows resulted in the serious lows the last few days.

After school, its a long story....Maddison lied (says she forgot) about checking herself after school. She told us she was 138, which would have her with .4 active....another BIG drop....so we gave her 12c candy. Then she hit 309 because she didnt really check. This confused me seeing the 309 after a 138 with .4 active so I discovered the lie because there wasnt a number recorded in her meter since morning. Fabulous. Dad didnt catch the "lie" so a HUGE argument between him and I followed over who's responsibility it is to check blood sugars. He blames me for not making Maddison accountable, I think he needs to verify the number!! YES, MADDISON SHOULDN"T HAVE LIED...BUT ..he should have looked at the number for himself, ESPECIALLY at times like these when things are crazy and not making sense!! 22 is crazy and down right dangerous. I'm just trying to make sense of it all!! That was my only point. Rechecking the number, thats called covering your ass. He didnt. Now she's 309, and I still dont know what to do for tomorrows blood sugars. Maddison's in trouble for lying, and Dad is in trouble with me for not paying attention to what she's doing. What a mess.

This whole argument of "who's responsible" for checking blood sugars is just really the cherry on top today. I cant seem to get my point across. Maddison **should** be responsible for checking her sugar, YES. BUT....with a medical condition, Dad needs to verify everything....ESPECIALLY WHEN THINGS HAVE BEEN CRAZY. Thats all I ask. And what to do with a 9yr old who doesn't want to check her own blood sugar? I say check it for her. At some point she will want to do it herself. She's 9. She has a lifetime of poking fingers. Kids should be kids. Dad argues....at what age do we expect it and enforce it?......I dont know the answer to that at this point. She's only 9. I'm living at 9.... not 12 or 13. Maddison used to do all her finger pokes herself. Somewhere, she got burned out. Thats why you let it go and you take back the responsibility. PERIOD. Dad disagrees. I hate Diabetes today, more than ever.

I called the Endo when I just couldnt wait any longer for Hannah's a1c. Her fasting blood sugar was back, it was 91. Still waiting on the A1c. I'm sure its fine....but when you are already stressed about a 22 low, then a bunch of STAT labs are ordered for your other child.....ANXIETY takes over. Talk about a headache. Anxiety ruined me today. The arguing topped it off. My throat is killing me. (partly because I LOST IT during our argument and SCREAMED my stressed head off) I'm still worried about
22's at school and Hannah's pending labs. I dont handle stress well. This whole post ended up being a little TMI (too much information) but oh well. Its the truth, and I had to get it out!! So what if people know our family actually has heated arguements like everyone else? I'm DONE today. And I HATE YOU DIABETES.


Meri said...

I've been thinking about you all day. Waiting for your post. Waiting for all to be well...

What a ROTTEN day!

I am SO sorry.

It is relentless, I know. And it touches EVERYTHING in our lives. But thank the Lord that the really bad days pass, and better are to come. Hang in there. We're rooting for you!

Wendy said...



More (((HUGS)))

And more (((HUGS)))

I'm on the verge of tears thinking about you and all this sitting on your shoulders. I'll be praying for you. I'm here...if I can do ANYTHING...and I mean ANYTHING! Just say the word.

phonelady said...

First off I am sending out a bunch of hugs and prayers for you and your family . I can understand all the anxiety and anger and frustration you have towards the big d . I think we all have it . My son did not start doing his bgs himself untill he was 13 if I recall right and he is fine now at 23 . One day these girls will be all grown up and you can take a breath then . Maybe LOL !!!