The how and the why doesn't matter anymore. It is what it is. Today Maddison was 22 at school, the same time frame as yesterday. 20's have moved from the afternoons to the mornings after breakfast. How and why? There isn't an answer, it just is. An overwhelmingly scary truth.
After calling the Endo yet again today I learned that I really am alone in managing this disease, even when things get out of control and scary. Me, its all up to ME. They haven't been able to offer me any advice that I haven't already tried or hadn't already planned to do. I've called in for every 20ish number Maddison has had this school year. I always think the nurses will suggest making a change that will magically make sense, but it never ends up that way. Today they suggested changing the basal exactly as I planned. I guess we really are the Diabetes experts aren't we? Thats a scary realization. A very lonely feeling. I wish a nurse or an Endo had the magic answers. I really do.
Half way to work this morning I felt an overwhelming urge to turn around and go back to school so I could change Maddison's basals. I didn't, and I'm so mad at myself for that. Yesterdays low was after PE. I told myself it was because Maddison didnt check her BS beforehand or get her snack for PE. That would make sense right? No extra carbs for activity, and no check before PE to me, was the cause of the low. So, I didnt lower her basals for today AND she didnt have PE. After all, Maddison was high every morning this week. Who would have known that literally overnight Maddison's basals needed to change to what they were 4 weeks ago? Unfortunately today, I do know.
How? Why? I have to stop asking those questions. I've rarely seen a number that I couldnt explain. Or at least convinced myself I knew the reason. THIS, I cant explain. I went in to talk to the nurse this morning as school started, and I gave her 18 packets of glucose tabs to provide to EVERY-SINGLE-DUTY-TEACHER. For the new PE teacher (who's husband is Type1!!) I provided a tube of sour gel liquid candy. I told the nurse that the PE teacher needs glucose GEL, in case Maddison wasn't able to chew or was unconscious from a low. The nurse responded by telling me "I'm sure that won't happen, I mean, she's walking around just fine in the 20's" to which I wanted to slap her. I'm sure she is trying to keep me sane and offering me words of "encouragement" but I didn't need to hear that. Why can't people just smile and agree?
Moving my blog again
5 years ago