26 today

Today started off weird. Maddison woke up when my 5:30am alarm went off, and before I knew it she was beside me stretching and exercising to the music while I was on the treadmill. Her BS was 190, but I had just corrected it before she woke up. Maddison had some "zoom" going on, she had so much energy I thought she was the energizer bunny! She was fine to eat breakfast and had a normal waffle with eggs and a drinkable yogurt. Today was early release, and a PE day. Maddison wore flip flops, so she thought she would have to sit out at PE and didn't bother going to check her blood sugar. It ended up that the teacher still let Maddison participate. 20 minutes into playing dodge ball, Maddison felt low. She got to the nurse's office to check and she was 68, about 2 hours after breakfast. (right as the insulin was "peaking") Maddison usually has about 6-8c before PE depending on what range she's in. Today she didn't have any, which didn't help the morning weirdness. So, the nurse gave 15c of juice (THANK GOODNESS!!) but at recheck 15 minutes later Maddison was 26.

TWENTY SIX!!!!26. TWENTY SIX!!! Now at a different time of day!! Imagine if the nurse didnt treat her 68 with 15c as I asked!! EXACTLY. WHY.I.FEEL.SO.OVERWHELMED. RIGHT. ABOUT. NOW. All week we have had an Aide watching Maddison eat her lunch. I really thought (for many reasons) that Maddison was tossing her lunch causing the after lunch lows. After today I'm back to trying to figure out lows based on activity/exercise. We have already started to bolus all lunch carbs after eating. Now...how do I decide what to do about activity lows? My mind has been running wild since last Fridays 20 number. RUNNING WILD. As in, I can't think of anything else. I just want Maddison to be safe! 26 is NOT SAFE!!

So, I have a headache. I have had for many days now. I can feel the weight upon my shoulders. I feel like Maddison has just been diagnosed all over again. I'm carrying the same despair, fear, confusion, desperation...heartache as I did those first months after diagnosis. This is all so scary, all over again. I cant sleep. I cant eat. All I can do is wonder if Maddison is doing all right at school. Wondering what I am doing wrong. Wondering what is going on inside that little body. Is she not absorbing the food she eats? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? We have handled exercise the same way for nearly 3 years and we have NEVER EVER seen these lows. I'm heart broken for my Maddison. Thats all I can really say about all this.