Just like that

I started out early enough today to get in my workout before getting the kids up for school. FABULOUS! My early morning workout = feeling great all day. Unfortunately, most days I'm still having a hard time getting out of bed early enough to do so. Got the kids off to school and headed to work. I've gained back alot of optimism, happiness and motivation the past few weeks. Just because. Maybe its the Spring weather that pushes me in the right direction. Maybe its gaining more control over Maddison's high morning numbers. Whatever it is, I have been eager to start each day without slipping under the covers pleading for more SLEEP. Depression, definitely. Starting to see the light? YES!

It was around 10am as I was eagerly working away towards month end close at work. I realized that even work has been happier lately and not so dreadful. I'm getting there! I'm getting back to ME I thought! And....just like that, Diabetes fucks up everything. I get a call from the school nurse. Maddison is sky high and has a pounding headache. She came in, tested, took some Tylenol and laid down to rest, falling to sleep in an instant. Maddison NEVER falls asleep. She will never even admit to being tired! So after 1.5 hours of work I find myself on my way to pick her up from school.

Walking into the nurses' office I was greeted by the nurses Aide. (we love her!) Our regular RN just happened to arrive as we were leaving. She mentioned that she was at a District Meeting, to which I replied "I dont even want to know, do I?" Her response was a shake of the head, worried look, and a simple. "NO" Her response made me panic, I think my heart actually skipped a beat. All of us "D" parents in this district know exactly what the meeting was about. The cutbacks. The $28 million deficit our district alone faces for next year. The plan to have one "floating" nurse for 4 schools. Just like that, I'm back to feeling complete devastation. Fear, worry.....how can they take away our school nurse in a school of 1400 students? I cried all the way home, partly because I wanted my "happy" day back, and partly because I know exactly what we are facing. The good news is....Maddison is nearing 9 this summer and YES, she will be more independent in her care. Why is an RN on campus such a big deal you ask? Because the average Joe just isn't going to understand this disease. All the kids with Diabetes will lose a higher standard of care while they are at school. We need someone that UNDERSTANDS a blood sugar can crash, and we need someone with EXPERIENCE!!! All I can think of is the blood sugar of 27 that Maddison had at school last year, and the nurse that was there to keep her safe. Or, the day Maddison came home low and vomiting with 3.8 units of insulin on board. Just like that, I'm angry. I'm scared, and I don't know what to expect in our near future. Just like that, Diabetes strikes again.

And now, to top off my downward spiral of the day....just minutes after Maddison and I arrive home, Josh walks in, home from work. He hands me a paper from his HR department regarding our dispute/appeal over the RX plan we ended up enrolled with, in error. Ahhhh yes.... The RX plan for people that can use mostly GENERIC drugs. The WRONG RX plan that covers name brand drugs at only 60%. My first thought was how funny it is that Josh is handing me a written appeal decision when yesterday I called the plan only to find they never received my appeal. Same old insurance tricks. Anyway, in writting there it is, plain as day. DENIED. They apparently didn't READ my appeal that clearly explains how THEY screwed us and enrolled us in the WRONG RX plan!!! They are denying my appeal?!! Just like that, all the stress boils up because of this fucking disease. If we didn't need NAME BRAND medications like INSULIN we wouldn't be looking at financial ruin, again. My calculated cost for RX's alone this year will amount to more than $6,000 even when we manipulate RX's for more allowed monthly. Last year RX's were a measly $10 or $30 copay. You can bet I WILL be appealing at a higher level.

I've cried out my frustrations for today. Now, on with the battle. It seems I always have endless phone calls to make, I always find myself fighting to maintain or improve our lives with Diabetes. Pharmacy errors, Medtronic errors, COBRA issues, new insurance plan issues, Dr's appointments, claims that deny. Diabetes is endless in more ways that just carbs and insulin, highs and lows. Just that like, Diabetes kicks me into defensive mode. FIGHT mode. I will appeal the RX denial again, and I will do my part to TRY DESPERATELY to keep our cherished school nurses. Just like that, from happy and carefree to scared, angered and fearful. I hate that Diabetes took away my "happy" day today leaving me with these feelings and issues!