Which first? Good news or bad news?

Saturday evening Maddison and I set out to visit my parents last minute as Josh went to play poker and Hannah had a date with her girlfriends. I called my Mom on the way to their house and I couldn't BELIEVE what she had to say. Sometime earlier that morning my Dad decided he needed to go to the ER. His right ankle and foot was painful, swollen, red and hot to the touch. All I could think was OH MY GOSH, its the ankle he self mutilated by cutting off that growth!!!!! My heart skipped SEVERAL beats when she said the dreaded words....BONE INFECTION, IV ANTIBIOTICS!!!

The good news is, it isn't that self inflicted wound that has my Dad in the hospital, and they are pretty sure after today's MRI that there isn't a bone infection after all. The bad news is he has multiple fractures in his foot and ankle and possibly some deterioration of the joints. Until he sees the Foot specialist tomorrow, we don't really know any other details. The doctors have mentioned the words "bone deterioration" and "calcification" but that's about it. As of tonight they have done nothing for the fractures themselves and my Dad is even hobbling around on his foot!! My Dad hasn't had any injuries, so this is all very bizarre and unexpected. I don't think either of my parents realize that just because there isn't a bone infection today, doesn't mean he is in the clear when it comes to healing. I spent the day sitting at the hospital again today, hoping and waiting for a better understanding of what the plan is. The good news is my Dad doesn't even feel "sick" this time around, and he is actually quite the jokester and in good spirits. The bad news is, bone deterioration, calcification and severe Neuropathy in the extremities isn't a minor issue. Add in the Vascular disease, ESRD and his being a life long smoker and I'm a bit of a nervous wreck!

I'm so worried about my Dads ability to heal right now that I can't even think straight. Last night I laid awake remembering when my Dad was last in the hospital for infection related to his dialysis. This particular time wasn't like the many other times. You see, Maddison was diagnosed with Diabetes just weeks prior. As we walked into his hospital room to visit, I felt my body becoming increasingly weak. Once we saw my Dad lying in bed SO SICK and frail looking, I nearly fainted. Besides being overwhelmed with sadness for my Dad, I was blind sided by the reality of Diabetes for my sweet Maddison. I was nauseated with emotions. Seeing my Dad suffering yet again, thinking I have this SAME disease, knowing my daughter has a long road ahead. It was too much to take in. I excused myself from the room in an instant fearing I was about to vomit. I made an escape to the outer waiting area and caught my breath. I checked my blood sugar, which was fine, although I felt low. That's called heart palpitations for ya! I had worked in hospitals for years, and had seen my Dad through countless admissions for DKA and many other Diabetes related complications and common illness gone wrong. I was never afraid of hospitals, but on this particular day when I carried Diabetes with me for the first time, that changed forever. Now, every time I step foot in a hospital I feel uneasy. I feel anxious. All because I now carry Diabetes x's 2.

The good news is, my Dad is feeling good. His blood sugars are hoovering in the lower range to help with healing. Knowing there isn't a current bone infection, my Dad feels optimistic. As always, we will take this one day at a time. I'm hoping to put my worries to rest tonight and get some sleep. I'm not sure if I will be able to spend the day at the hospital with my Dad again tomorrow, but that's the only place I want to be, no matter how sicky it might make me feel at first. :)