Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I've said this before

I have said this before, and I will say it a million times.....YES, I know my blog can be a downer. I realize I am not the optimistic person I used to be when it comes to Diabetes, especially. If you want sugar coating and someone that sees only the good in life, you wont find that person here. I won't miss you when you stop reading my blog, and I don't really care how many followers I have. This blog is for ME. Whoever emailed me another nasty email last night about my sucky pessimistic views, good riddance!

I started this blog in 2007 when I finally started to feel "comfortable" with caring for Maddison's Diabetes around her 1yr anniversary. Back then, Maddison's blood sugars were predictable. She rarely had many highs, and most adjustments worked when things needed to be changed. There were no wild guesses and feelings of WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW. Most people know this as the Honeymoon. As the name describes, its a fabulous time when you start to feel like you can defeat this demon. You really think that you have it all figured out. You start to think that Diabetes isn't so hard after all. Starting my blog back then, the weight was lifted, life was "easy" again and I was naive to think that Diabetes would remain without constant changes. My blog was started when I really WAS inspired by Diabetes. (I still am, but have a hard time finding why lately) I wanted to blog my feelings so other parents knew they aren't alone in the emotions of the disease. I was a different person back then, stuck in false elation that I had Diabetes figured out. I will get back to who I was....tough times and hard feelings come and go. Right now my harsh feelings are a go in life. Stop reading my blog if you can't handle my current attitude, really. I don't need you judging my outlook in life and harassing me by email.

Reality. I've been stuck in this Diabetes reality for a few years now. Must I remind my readers that I have my own Diabetes to carry around? Having my own Diabetes to carry around means that when I poke my finger (6-10times day)I think of Maddison. Wherever she is, I wonder what her BS is too. Then there are the 10-15 blood sugar checks for Maddison a day. I'm constantly thinking of numbers, and alot of times they aren't what I want them to be. There are the sleepless nights of watching blood sugars. Pardon me if I'm not a ray of sunshine for my readers lately. I think it's a little something called "burn out." Stressed, and let me assure you LIFE in general has been stressful for my family this past year, just as it has for everyone.

I've said this before, and I will say it a million more times. Did you see my disclaimer on my blog? I see the good in life everyday, but that doesn't mean that I dont recognize, mention and cope with all the "bad" in life too. Then I move on. My blog (unfortunately) has turned into a place I leave my frustrations and emotions for the day. It isn't what I planned. I'm not a bad person for the feeling that I have. If you want only the good side of Diabetes, you will have to find it somewhere else. And please, dont email me anymore....I would call your emails Harrasment. Who do you think you are?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love your blog, I can really relate to you and I feel i am not alone

Wendy said...

WHAT!?!?!?

I LOVE your blog. You have a unique perspective since you are not only raising a child with d, but also live with it yourself.

I appreciate your candid honesty and tranpsarent emotions when it comes to this unpredictable life.

"Don't go changing to try to please me...I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!!!"

Jennifer said...

I came across your blog recently & I added it to my blog list on my blog. I have a 9yr old daughter who was diagnosed at the age of 5 with type1. It is nice to know there are other parents out there going through the same thing & I love the fact that nothing is sugar coated when you blog. Keep it up...I'll still be reading!!

Jill said...

Keep up the great blogging girlie! I love your honesty and it DOES make me feel that it's "normal" to be frustrated and it's OK to be as well! I can't imagine the burden you bear with having diabetes AND having a child with diabetes. I know the daily struggle it is with Kacey and I couldn't imagine having to go thru what you do. You have every right to vent your feelings. It's YOUR blog and you say what you want :) and if someone has a problem then they can just click that little red X at the top ;) We're here for ya! ((((HUGS))))

Penny said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. Riley has had D for 3 1/2 years now. I've had times when I've thought "What's the big deal?" and times when I've felt defeated and almost depressed.

Like you, it's usually the defeated and depressed feelings that come out in my posts. My blog is my therapy.

Ever since school started in August I've been in a diabetes funk. Riley's numbers have been all over the board, usually the high end of the board. I've felt like a failure because I had no idea how to "fix it".

I can slowly feel the fog lifting. After several months of trial and error his sugars are starting to even out again.

I know that eventually we'll hit another rough patch. And, I know you know that eventually you'll hit a better patch where things will go smoothly.

Anyway, didn't mean to be so long. I just wanted to say I understand and agree totally. Because if you want sunshine and rainbows my blog is not the place to be either.

Anonymous said...

Honesty and truthfulness about this disease is what is needed. There are a lot of "Pollyanna's" out there, or as I believe people still in denial about the reality of JD. I believe looking through rose colored glasses is a coping mechanism. That complications cannot happen if A1cs are good; that you have to have years and years of high blood sugars, not weeks of spikes for complications to occur. The "magic A1c numbers" that you will not suffer complications if you stay below... a load of garbage, all those magic numbers are too high! The truth is nobody knows. No one. Nobody knows why complications occur and there seems to be a genetic component. You can have great A1cs and complications or crappy A1cs and be healthy. So to deny your fears and put on a "positive" face all the time is not honest, not reality. You speak for most of us, I feel. Keep on blogging... the good... the bad... the ugly. I think you have a lot of positive entries. You have a right to "vent" on your own blog. You have a right to your feelings. P.S. When writing of Juvenile Diabetes, there will be victories, but it is in fact, an ugly, treacherous, insidious disease that may take years to show its true face. Then again, you could remain completely, perfectly healthy. But you will always worry; always wonder. It is a crapshoot; plain and simple. Keep it real and tell it like it is.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Hang in there K - you know I'm a fan of your blog, and while I don't always have time to read it all and comment, I am out there catching up with your adventures as often as I can.

I try to keep in mind that it is the internet we're dealing with, and there are bound to be haters out there with nothing better to do than harass anyone that they can.

The internet allows for these people to be as anonymous as they want to be. My advice? Do your best to ignore them, and they will eventually go away. Eventually.

HUGS to you and the fam!