Tomorrow I have an early morning appointment with my Endo. Its been 4 months since I've been in, because as always, I tend to reschedule appointments for myself. It seems I just can't put myself before other life's responsibilities and craziness. Today I'm wondering why I even need to go?
I've already had my labs drawn and I'm sure everything is fine. Well, except the thyroid thing I have going on. But, as always, I assume I would be called based on lab work if anything is off. It just seems silly to go in for the same old office visit every 3 months when my Diabetes is still so "easy." Its the same old thing every time. Weight check. Last time my Endo commented that I gained 6lbs. Um....yeah. Is that a problem now that I weigh a whole 124lbs? I mean really? Sorry I don't spend 8 hours working out each week anymore. There is a little thing called sleep that has been more important lately. My Endo is probably around 95-100lbs herself, so maybe I do seem "overweight" to her!!? I always wonder if she has an eating disorder. She is really THAT thin. So, why did she even mention my weight gain if I'm still totally where I should be? I guess maybe she could be watching the thyroid concern, but I'm leaning towards Hyper not Hypo. I made her aware that I struggle to wake in the mornings which means I dont have time to exercise as much as I used to before work and getting kids off to school. Then I am lectured about the importance of exercise and I should try and fit it into the evening then. Sure, let me do that and risk Hypo's at night. Sorry lady, I'm a morning worker-outer, not an evening worker-outer, thats just how it is! I'll get there, no need to lecture, and by the way, lecturing only makes me want to be defiant :)
Next, I provide my last months numbers in 7 different reports, thanks to the Co-pilot program! Just plug the meter into your computer and THERE IT IS! Of course, my Endo will then continue to question a few out of range numbers. I just think, lady, if you saw Maddison's numbers you would FREAK!! Seriously, she will question the 160 numbers, the 180's......they dont happen often for me, but she still makes it clear that those are a problem. I used to consistently wake up in the 140's. Never less, never more. She instructed me to change a basal rate for morning, to which I told her it wasn't worth messing with. I know, I was just being defiant. I guess I just dont like her to tell me what to do. Bad, I know. So, finally, months later I decided to do just that. I changed a 4am basal rate and now I wake up between 108 and 125 every day. Never lower, never higher. I'm sure she'll pick on that tomorrow too. What is this lady like with her other patients? Then there is the lecture about changing my basals and ratios myself without faxing in my numbers for direction. Give me a break!! My last A1c was 6.0 and that was without much effort. When my Diabetes gets crazy as I one day expect it will, I will let you know. Why doesn't she spend time on her patients that need help? I thought this is supposed to be a self managed disease? Why does she complain when I self manage? I also know my Endo is going to lecture me becuase I haven't had an eye exam in over two years. -Sigh- Somehow she can always make me feel like the worst noncompliant patient!
So, I'm pondering saving myself the frustrations of such frequent office visits in the near future. I mean, we all know that A1c's aren't everything. We all know they can be totally thrown off just by those last few weeks of crazy numbers before the blood draw. We all know if we check ourselves 10 or more times a day, our meter should be somewhat reflective of our "control." Do I really NEED to go in every three months at this point?
How about every 6? I wonder if I can bargain with her? Funny how visiting someone that is supposed to be helpful, actually makes me anxious. I hope I can avoid being frustrated when she nit picks tomorrow. I hope I'm not in the argumentative mood I was in last time. I know it doesn't do me any good to argue with her commands either, but for some reason I feel the need to. I guess no one likes criticism, especially when there really isn't anything to criticize, though if there is, this is the Endo that will find it! Do I really have to go???
Moving my blog again
10 years ago