Friday, May 15, 2009

Think PINK!

This morning I had an appointment at a new Breast Care facility. You should have seen this place! It is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l!!Outside the building is a huge Pink Ribbon sculpture for breast cancer. Walking in to the facility it gets even better. The colors are focused around PINK! Brown, tan and the PINK cancer prevention color. How cool is THAT? Crystal chandeliers, dim lighting, glass walls that have pink illuminating lights filling them with color. This place is like a medical resort. Even the carpeting, resort style furnishings and art upon the walls is gorgeous, with PINK! I've had many breast ultrasounds in the past, but this place was comforting, not cold and lonely. I'm so impressed!

After registering at the desk (all the staff wears PINK!) I was taken into a small curtained area to change. No paper gown here! They provide white cotton resort style robes WITH a Pink Breast Cancer emblems! Anyway, I have ultrasounds to check my left breast mass every year. At this new facility the Tech was telling me the Radiologist will be right in with the results. How nice is that! Good thing she told me, because if the Radiologist came in immediately following the procedure I would have freaked. I would have been sure I was D-e-a-d!! I expected this left mass to be fine, it always is, and the biopsy 2 years ago was fine. What I didn't expect was a mass on the right side. I had no idea. This new mass is in an area where I had my first lumpectomy YEARS ago, like in 1999. I have to call today and schedule a biopsy. On my right side. Where I totally did not expect it. -Sigh- Where do my health concerns end?

Laying there waiting for the Radiologist to come back in with biopsy info, I suddenly felt low. I wasn't. I was high at 187. I've been running high for a few weeks now. I think hearing BIOPSY again induced panic. All I could think was I have to get to field day people! Can we hustle? I don't think I like this PINK resort style look so much anymore. I stressed about having to schedule yet ANOTHER appointment. I'm not worried about the biopsy. The procedure itself doesn't worry me at all. Just another health concern for me. I don't get it. I'm tired of labs, procedures, appointments...interfering with my days off work. MY time. Enough is enough.

I decided not to go to Maddison's field day today. I'm not sure why. I guess today I feel differently. Today I feel like Maddison is in good hands. I know she is. Our school nurse is awesome. I'm sure Maddison will have a blast and be fine. I knocked 10c off her breakfast and decreased her basal rate. Its crazy how the way I feel changes day to day. Yesterday I was a mess thinking of field day. I was SURE I HAD to be there. I was SURE Maddison needed me. Today I woke up and felt like she can handle it herself. Both Maddison and the nurse. I called the school nurse this morning to let her know I would be at an appointment if she needed me. She informed me that she gave the field day people a juice box. If Maddison even feels low she is to drink it immediately, and the nurse will be called to come to her. That made me feel better. The concern of a serious low was still there of course, but today for some reason I'm not all freaky and paranoid. (I think its called bye bye PMS) I have to let go some, I know. Some days like today I can without a second thought. Other days I cling on, overcome with worry and feelings that Diabetes is out to get my Maddison when she is just trying to have fun. Those days Maddison just can't get rid of me. I'm right there hiding somewhere in the shadows just watching. To make sure she is acting fine. To make sure she isn't going to crash and collapse with a low. Alot of days my mind can really work overtime. My worst fear as a parent that has a child with Diabetes is not being there if she needs help. I dont want Maddison to pick up on my feelings. I dont want her to feel dependant on me watching out for her. Its hard, this disease. Today I know Maddison will be fine during field day. Funny how yesterday my mind convinced me otherwise. I should be carrying on with my daily chores while the girls are at school.......I feel better having blogged that all out! Vent, move on. Just another day of my crazy emotions released!


Scott K. Johnson said...

I'm sure Maddison will be just fine, and have a great day.

Please do keep us posted (if you're comfortable) about this new concern you're dealing with. It sounds like you are in good hands, and they are on top of things.

Wendy said...

As always, I will be praying for you. Anything you need...just say the word! I got your back, girl :)