Monday, May 18, 2009

41 today

This afternoon Maddison went to see the school nurse for feeling low. She was 79. Her last bolus was about 2.5 hours prior. Our school nurse is awesome, she has learned to listen to Maddison's feelings, not the number. She gave Maddison one glucose tab and sent her back to class. Exactly what I would have done. Twenty minutes later Maddsion came back, she was 41. Looks like that 400% basal rate is making its way back down. Maybe its the Az heat, it was already over 100 degrees today by noon. Whatever the "reason" I'm feeling very angry today. Today I'm done with Diabetes, as I often say.

Last night I had a good chance to test overnight basals for Maddison. She was going to bed at 110, nothing active. She's been spiking somewhere between 11pm and 2am, I adjusted some basals Friday for that. But, of course I haven't actually been able to see any results over the weekend. The weekend isn't the same as weekdays. Damn Diabetes. Why is it so complicated? So last night by midnight Maddisn was 130's and by 2am she was 223! I didn't expect that kind of increase, I expected MAYBE 60 points. I wondered if it was the turkey and cheese she had shortly before bed because she was "starving." Who says "free" foods are really free? I betcha that damn cheese caused some resistance to her basals last night. I'm angry that tonight I will have to repeat testing before deciding what to change, which means another high is expected. I have never been able to just blindly adjust a basal without being SURE it wouldn't cause a low overnight. I just can't do it. So tonight, we repeat.

I'm angry that Maddison's meter average shows 170. Today, I'm angry that Maddison was 41 before lunch. I hate this disease. I hate what a 41 feels like. I hate that Maddison is 8yrs old and deals with highs and lows, everyday lately. I hate that so many children do, every day.... and no one understands how that feels, or how it leaves its mark on a parents heart. I hate feeling like a total failure because I can't get anything right these past 4 weeks. I'm just so mad at 41 today! I think I need a chill pill, really.


Kathy Groenbeck said...

I saw your site listed on Diabetes Sweeties site. My daughter was diagnosed last year at 11 years old. We are now in the process of getting her on the pump after a year of doing shots. She is very excited but I am nervous. I have read lots about the pump and I am going to have to get some of those bandaids. My daughter loves to swim and when it warms up enough, we live in Iowa, we will get our pool ready for the season.
I know what you mean about the low lows. They are so scary and no matter what you do to try to control Maddison's numbers in order, the disease is there to mess you up. Don't take it out on yourself, it sounds like you are on top of it. I'm glad I found your site and want you to know that I"ll be checking in on any ideas you have to make summer easier. Hang in there, you are not alone.
Wish Maddison happy swimming and a fun summer.

The Herrigs said...

Wow...I think you just took the words right out of my mouth. I am feeling that frustration with Kennedy's numbers right now...the ups and downs have to make her feel so icky and I feel so bad for her. Thanks for your honesty.