Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Up Up Up!!!

After nearly 3yrs of dealing with Diabetes for Maddison I'm still amazed when insulin doses increase so dramatically day by day. What was 3.40 units of basal a month ago has now doubled to 6.50 units and STILL needs lots of adjusting. AMAZING what happens inside that little body. AMAZING how we stay on top of all this! Ratios and basals......UP UP UP!! Will I ever find the right balance again?

CGM insertion #2 was a success. No difficulties. No pain. No issues. Accuracy of the CGM vs finger poke is pretty darn "predictable" within 3-30 points. Until Maddison rolls over while sleeping onto her bottom where the sensor is located. A little push to roll her back over, and the CGM finds its way back. CGM.....I think I love you!

I've been scrolling through the 24 hour screen on the CGM to see where Maddison shoots up at night and during the day. There it is....a little roller coaster hump.
9am. 11am. 8pm. 2am and 4am. Why is it that I'm adjusting basals and boluses more aggressively than ever but nothings budging? How do you double insulin dosing yet all you continue to see is the same old numbers? All we get is numbers 220-350. Its so weird how you change everything but still get the same result!

Right now, I still finger poke at night. I dont "trust" the CGM enough to assume it is accurate at night. This is exactly why.....

ARTICLE, young man dies in his sleep

How will I ever be able to get rid of my night time fear of lows when I come across an article such as this? Knowing this can happen and hearing about it are two different things. I really wish I didnt see this article. My heart aches for this family and for the loss of this young mans life. Can you imagine the guilt his parents must feel although WE know they aren't to blame?

All I keep thinking after reading this article is

"What about when Maddison's double insulin needs come crashing down without notice?" Will I catch those lows in the night? Sometimes I wonder how us D parents stay sane.

Despite the terrible feelings that article inflicted when I read it, lately I'm just doing. Adjusting. Tracking. Logging. Without much worry. I'll take the highs over our last months of lows any day. This difficult spell will pass. It is what it is. I couldn't make insulin adjustments any faster if I tried. I dont think I have ever had this kind of outlook with Maddison's high blood sugar streaks. Maybe this time is different because I KNOW I'm doing my best. I KNOW I'm all over it, and I'm not doubting myself as a pancreas. Kids grow. Things change. Alot. Maybe 3 years is my magic number. Maybe 3 years is how long it takes for me to learn that I really am doing my best in this battle. 3 years, seems like an eternity.

One more day! One more day of work and school and then we get 4 days off! YAY! My Hannah will be 13 on Saturday.....that's approaching a bit too fast! My Hannah was also a turkey baby :) Born at 8:38am on Thanksgiving morning 1996. I will always cherish Thanksgiving day as the day Hannah was born. -Sigh- How DO they grow UP UP UP so fast?


Meri said...

Have a wonderful holiday week with your family!

SO SO glad the CGM is doing its job!

phonelady said...

Oh Kelly , yes they do grow up so fast and yes it does scare you to read articles about young ppl dying in their sleep from seizures . It scares me to death too . I dont know how things like that happen . well happy bday hannah . take care and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours !!!