Sunday, March 1, 2009

Sleepover Silliness

On Saturday my fabulous :) Sister in Law and I took my girls and their little cousins (age 3 and 5) to our school Spring Carnival. What a perfectly beautiful 85 degree day! I have forgotten how much work little ones are, and OH MY are they sooooo funny! I miss my little girls! So, Maddison had a 73 blood sugar with some active insulin so I decided to treat her to the cotton candy she was eye balling. She shared with her sister and cousins, and I bolused 8c just to be safe from later high craziness. The package suggested 15c for a half an ounce of cotton the HECK do you guesstimate that? Today is supposed to be a fun day...not a worry about every single carb Maddison was 138 an hour later but 336 two hours later at our support group pizza party! (Big sigh) This is the same delayed high weirdness that we have been seeing for weeks now. What the heck?

So the plan was, my girls were to help babysit their little cousins overnight at their house with their Auntie. Ahhhhh yes...a sleepover when Maddison's numbers have been CRAZY overnight. GREAT. The plan was to get her to bed around 180-200 to avoid having to check her overnight. Perfect 201 before bed. Awesome! Too bad they had French fries for dinner! I knew very well Maddison would go too high from the fat later in the night, but we were going to leave it and pretend Diabetes isn't there tonight. Awesome Auntie Christina agreed to wake at 3am to check Maddison anyway. She was 450!! HOLY MOLY, NO WAY I predicted that! So I had Auntie correct and knock off a .3 in case she went too low (which doesn't usually happen) but after an 85 degree day and running around with her cousins all day ya never know!

I tried to get back to sleep but was too concerned about the 450. That just couldn't be right! I HAD to call her back and ask if her finger was clean. Although they did clean her finger before checking, the next number came back at 301 or something. AHHH!! I knew it! So, now she had been corrected in full and all I could imagine was her going too low after playing so hard all day. So poor Auntie had to recheck her in two hours. She was 200 with .3 active and the pump suggested exactly that same amount to bring her in range. Auntie figured she might as well stay awake since it was now 5am and the little cousins wake up in about an hour anyway! So at 6:30am Auntie went to recheck Maddison to make sure she was good. And, the number she saw was 17.

Auntie has now leaped from the bed spilling the meter and supplies everywhere as she runs for the sugar gel and Glucagon in Maddison's back pack. Full panic mode, in disbelief, shaking and trying to tell herself that 17 CANT be right, she wakes Maddison easily. Maddison sits up wondering why the heck Auntie is trembling and fumbling with her meter. Maddison takes the meter and checks herself. (LOL) She was 171 not 17!!!! Aunties finger was covering the part of the 171 number! I have sooooo done this before! Poor Auntie was having a heart attack left and right in this sleepover craziness! (I'm soooo sorry Auntie Christina!!)

Today they are off to play some miniature golf. Hannah texts me that Maddison is 118 with .6 active, not good. So, I have Maddison take 10c to stop an impending low. An hour later, my phone rings (yes, please always call me Christina if you have ANY questions) and Maddison is laying on the couch at 109 insisting she is dropping. Feeling terrible and low, with zero active insulin. Poor Maddy feels low and isn't because she has been running so high lately. Makes me so sad for her, and angers me that I can't get these numbers under control lately. I ask her to have a snack with some protein to feel better. I hope she does so she can continue her weekend fun with her cousins!

I've learned that just because Maddison is away and in GREAT hands, it doesn't mean I dont worry. It doesn't mean I can sleep either. I feel guilty for having to run her higher to send her off for fun. I feel guilty that she feels low at 109. It is entirely up to me to manage her blood sugars, well being and LIFE with this horrid disease and I hate that no matter what I do, I feel bad about the decisions I make. I hate thinking about Diabetes SO much in one day. I hate that we have to be so cautious and balance fun with health. Today I am mixed up between being happy for Maddison being out there enjoying a weekend without me, and being so angry that Diabetes is still so obviously there. I wish she could just have one day off from the 10 finger pokes, highs and lows. As much as Diabetes "isnt" so obvious anymore, it really is on days like this for ME. The worry is right there, the wish for a break is right there. It never goes away, as much as I try to spend the day without thinking of it. Sometimes I wonder if we should take a Diabetes day off. Of course, we can never actually do that entirely. We will still have to count carbs and bolus for them.....but maybe a day without finger pokes is what we need. Maybe a day of not seeing ANY numbers is the answer for a "break"......probably not. But, I can dream can't I?

Aunt Christina.....thank you for caring for Maddison! Without you she is "tied" and dependant on me for her Diabetes care when she should be learning Independence. She wants that Independence. She tells me all the time. But Diabetes throws too many curves in the road. There are too may things to consider with each and every number, and Maddison just can't be Diabetes independant at her age. Sure, she can bolus and check her own blood sugar...but thats only a small part of Diabetes every day. I appreciate that you tote her around and give her much needed time away from me. She doesn't get out without me much, but when she does with you I know she is enjoying every single minute of it! I feel bad you had such a tough time with this sleep over silliness! Thats just a day in the life of Diabetes I guess!

I hope that "17" didn't cause you too many grey hairs! That "17" could have been very real, without reason, which is exactly why I am a bit over the top when it comes to Maddison's Diabetes! I'm sorry that you learned WHY I am crazy! That "17" is also the reason that we strive to educate about Type 1, because it is THAT unpredictable sometimes and people still see Diabetes as an "easily managed" disease. It makes me sad that they do. That "17" is also the reason we walk with JDRF every year and the reason I am sleep deprived. Most kids don't wake up at night when they are low, and even scarier, alot of them don't even feel their lows during the day! You had a tough Diabetes night, but I thank you with all my heart for all you do with my girls!


Wendy said...

You're SO RIGHT when you say the checking sugar and giving insulin isn't all there is to diabetes.

That's the easy part.

The mind numbing, sleep losing, constant battle of thinking about numbers is the hard part.

You do an awesome job, Kelly. I think you're amazing -- and I'm so happy to hear the girls had fun with Aunt Christina. What a blessing to have her in your life ;)

Must admit that the 17 gave me palpiations and a dry mouth. I almost didn't finish reading and was just going to call you!

Scott K. Johnson said...

Great post K.

Heck, *I* got scared when I read "17"! What a relief to see what it really was...