Tuesday, March 17, 2009

3 years seems like an eternity!

3 years ago today we were supposed to set out on the same Sedona trip we are leaving for today. And then the phone rang. And everything changed, just like that. We had to cancel our trip for a visit to the ER instead. My a1c was 13% per my PCP, head to the emergency room. No fun Spring break plans that year. Living with my Dads Type 1 as a child, I was aware of what I had ahead in my future. Sort of. This life isn't anything like I really imagined. It is so much harder, but so much easier too. With 3years down, Diabetes has proven me wrong millions of times, and I've kicked its ass just as many :) Ahhhh...sweet defeat.

The easier part of Diabetes.....you just do. You just do it. You do whatever is necessary to stay alive. You pay an amazing amount of attention to yourself. You bolus for meals, correct highs, chase the lows away. Eat right, exercise....PUMP. The easier part of Diabetes for me is definitely....the pump. I love my pump....and you can bet in the future we are all healthier because of this amazing technology. I went from fearing my dads serious lows,highs and complications, to micro managing my A1c to near "perfection." Something I never could have done on injections. Kinda hard to dose a .2 with a syringe! I love you Medtronic!

The harder part of Diabetes....the emotional aspect of course! As everything in life, watching from the sidelines is much easier than living it. You could never imagine (or relate) to having Diabetes unless you live the exhaustion yourself. The Emotional for me, doesn't exactly mean tearful or wanting to hide. (though it does for Maddison's "D"!!) It means anger. I have anger issues when Diabetes doesn't behave. I dont like to be controlled, and we all know how often Diabetes does whatever the hell it wants to do. I hate having to stop what I'm doing and treat a low. I hate wanting to crawl back into bed and sleep when a high decides to make me feel like crap. I hate feeling people stare at my pump. Mostly, I hate the comments that place blame, and comments that have anything to do with food. Its not the food that determines our "control" people!!! I guess some feelings never change.

Today on my 3yr "D" day I feel like Diabetes has always been here with me, really. Only 3 years!!?? I guess that's a good thing, because Maddison says the same thing too. It's soothing to know she can't remember any other way of life. It makes it easier to accept I think. There is no point in trying to recall the carefree days....it would only hurt that much more. As always, my Diabetes always leads to Maddison's. Maddison's Diabetes is my Diabetes in so many ways. As she grows older, she is given more and more pieces of "her" Diabetes. For now, I have double Diabetes. And I'm proud to say I've got it covered. Today we are ((FINALLY))going on our Sedona trip with Diabetes in the back seat where it belongs. Happy St Patty's day everyone!!!!


MegT said...

Thank you for what you've done for me and my family! I'm the mom of a type-1 daughter, diagnosed last summer. Besides all the support I've received from friends, family and medical staff, the two best things for me have been the pump (just started 2-1/2 weeks ago!) and your blog. Seeing what you and Maddison go through gives me peace of mind when we have our own frantic times. Your words and your experiences -- both of yours -- help many others!
Congratulations on your anniversary! Have a great time in Sedona.

Scott K. Johnson said...

The emotional stuff is, many times, bigger for me too than the pokes and prods.

I'm happy that you are heading out for what sounds like a great trip!

Have fun and relax!