Waiting

55 minutes down. So many hours to go. I knew my time would come. An hour before Dads surgery time I started to pace. I knew they were coming for him soon. I felt hot. Maybe low. Nope. I was 167. Too much coffee? Nope. Just reality setting in, a moment of weakness. Then came the nurses from the O.R to take my Dad up. And then, it hit me.

That lump in your throat. The burning of your eyes. I wanted to lock myself inside the bathroom and weep. Dad was still joking with his nurses. He does that when he doesn't know what else to do. As we followed him down the hall to the O.R he made me laugh. He always does that. He asked the nurses "Is this the time I'm supposed to freak out?" All I could do was laugh. Thank you Dad, for always easing my fears. My pain. My frustrations. Thank you for filling my life with laughter. It was then that peace was with me again. The tears ceased, and all my pent up anxiety was lifted as if magically. All from one of Dad's little jokes.

I think the clock has stopped. Surgery just started an hour ago. I keep wondering whats happening in that O.R, I need to turn the wonder off. I think I have been praying for the last 48 hours straight in between conversations. How do we make it through these hours of waiting? I've never been so scared in my life.

Dad will need to go back to Hemodialysis (instead of peritoneal) during his first few days of recovery. At first he resisted. He refused. He wanted us to continue Dialysis the way he has been doing it the past 7 years. He didnt want the surgical placement of the dialysis site in his neck again. He suffered tremendously while on Hemodialysis that first year. He was so weak he couldnt stand well, and he dropped about 15lbs from his already tiny 160lb frame. He changed his mind with a little more understanding that this would only be temporary. Thank goodness.

I can't say this enough.....I just dont get the lack of Type 1 knowledge on the nursing floor. Todays insulin mishap had me steaming. Dad took his NPH yesterday at noon. Surgery was moved back to 2pm, so they didnt plan on giving him his NPH shot before surgery because he was 160ish. Ummmmmm......????????? Two hours without any insulin is his body? He can't go from noon to 2 without insulin! By 11am The NPH had already started to wear off, his BS hit the 250's. Then they took a wild guess and wanted to give 10 units of Novolog for the high. I dont know what the right answer was. But no insulin for two hours?

Back to feeling numb now. I know that will end the instant I see my Dad post op.....