Never prepared

I guess you can never prepare yourself enough for seeing someone after such a major surgery. Today is the hardest day. Once the anesthesia wears off, its back to consciousness and the pain (misery really)begins. I was mentally prepared, but my heart just wasn't.

Last night seeing Dad for the first time was nothing compared to this morning. There's even more tubes. He's moaning. He's pleading for morphine. I dont know how they do it, or even expect it, but it was time to get Dad up to walk a few steps. He's totally out of it, he doesn't even seem like he's there, but he HAS to take some steps. He kept mumbling "this is torture" through his skraggled breaths. In and out of the morphine craziness. This man's strength is incredible. I keep telling him that. His nurse is amazed with how well his vitals have been staying consistent. He sat up "better than most" at the edge of his bed, but refused to stand and take steps. Then his silliness kicked back in, even with all his suffering! He told the nurses "There I took 10 steps" and said "done." :) Thats the best news ever.

I can't stop praying for Dad to remain complication free. Praying for his comfort and strength to push forward. I feel so terribly, entirely, horribly, bad for what he is going through. One minute at a time right now.

The nurse just came out to the waiting area and said Dads ABG is off, his PH is dropping. Hemodialysis is also about to start. He is being placed on an apnea machine. This rollercoaster of ups and downs is so scary. So draining.