Monday, December 28, 2009

Not sure what to say

I'm not sure what to say right now. Just the basics I guess.

Tuesday my Dad started feeling terrible. "Heart burn" with problems swallowing. Shortness of breath. Weakness. Fatigue. Low blood sugars. He changed his mind. He decided he should have had the open heart surgery. I knew he would after resting at home awhile. A few days past, he still felt terrible. He didn't want to "ruin" Christmas by going back into the hospital. So he suffered through. Tonight we took him to the ER after calling his Cardiologist and giving him the scoop. Dad was admitted right away for CAD and low potassium. Surgery is likely on Tuesday.

I have no emotions, but my Dad sure does. He seems very scared for the first time ever in his life. He hugs a little tighter. He tries a little harder to smile. But I can see deeper. I know the fear inside of him. I can only imagine, yet I feel it just the same. I don't know what to think about this major surgery. I'm hopeful. So entirely hopeful, with every ounce of my being. I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm angry and tired of watching my Dad live this crazy life because of Diabetes. I have alot of blame right now, I can't even feel it, but I know it's there. I dont even know if that makes sense. I blame Diabetes for inflicting all this on my Dad for so many years. Without Diabetes, my Dad would be the healthy and active 64 year old man that he should be. But he isnt. And that makes me angry. Every little finger poke to Maddison's tiny fingers means so much more lately. Its not just a finger poke. It's Diabetes. And I hate Diabetes so much right now.

Please pray for my Dad. Please pray that he is strong enough to make it through surgery and give yet another fighting chance. Please pray that he recovers without complications. And don't forget to pray for a cure.


Tracy said...

Wow Kelly! I am praying LOTS for your family right now and through the coming weeks. I pray that surgery will go well and his recovery even better.

I will be waiting to hear how it all goes this week. Let me know if I can help in any way.

phonelady said...

Of course prayers are going out to you as always and hugs too. I cannot imagine how you must feel with your dad having to go through all this . Oh well my dear take care .

Wendy said...

I can feel your heart through your words. I can feel how hard this is for you I can feel how desperate you feel...I know you feel emotionless -- and I completely understand why.

I just want to hug tell you that I'm here.

I will pray intently, Kel. You can count on that.

Hallie said...

I'm so sorry, Kelly. I can only imagine how scared and terrible you must feel. We are praying for your Dad, for you, and for a CURE. I hope you can feel the love and hugs we're sending you from far away!

Kris said...

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry. That has got to be so hard for you for so many reasons. I will keep your dad in my prayers.

Thank you so much for your sweet comment on my blog post. That made me cry. (In a good way. lol) I can't wait to get together with you all when I get home!

Joanne said...

I am so sorry Kelly, praying for you now.

CraftyLikeLindy said...

I don't know what to say either. I will for sure be thinking of him and the whole family tomorrow. Let me know if you need anything.