I'm not sure what to say right now. Just the basics I guess.
Tuesday my Dad started feeling terrible. "Heart burn" with problems swallowing. Shortness of breath. Weakness. Fatigue. Low blood sugars. He changed his mind. He decided he should have had the open heart surgery. I knew he would after resting at home awhile. A few days past, he still felt terrible. He didn't want to "ruin" Christmas by going back into the hospital. So he suffered through. Tonight we took him to the ER after calling his Cardiologist and giving him the scoop. Dad was admitted right away for CAD and low potassium. Surgery is likely on Tuesday.
I have no emotions, but my Dad sure does. He seems very scared for the first time ever in his life. He hugs a little tighter. He tries a little harder to smile. But I can see deeper. I know the fear inside of him. I can only imagine, yet I feel it just the same. I don't know what to think about this major surgery. I'm hopeful. So entirely hopeful, with every ounce of my being. I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm angry and tired of watching my Dad live this crazy life because of Diabetes. I have alot of blame right now, I can't even feel it, but I know it's there. I dont even know if that makes sense. I blame Diabetes for inflicting all this on my Dad for so many years. Without Diabetes, my Dad would be the healthy and active 64 year old man that he should be. But he isnt. And that makes me angry. Every little finger poke to Maddison's tiny fingers means so much more lately. Its not just a finger poke. It's Diabetes. And I hate Diabetes so much right now.
Please pray for my Dad. Please pray that he is strong enough to make it through surgery and give yet another fighting chance. Please pray that he recovers without complications. And don't forget to pray for a cure.