Tuesday, December 29, 2009

15 hours

After 15 hours at the hospital today, I'm home. I didnt want to leave, I still want to go back. I'm addicted to blogging at the moment, because I feel so relieved afterwards. I have to get a few more things out before I can go to bed for the night...

Immediately after the surgeon came out to talk with us, my Mom burst into a weeping cry. She had her moment. I hugged her tight and she smiled the brightest sigh of relief you could ever imagine. I was so happy she finally had her release of pent up emotions.

It was two long hours before we could see my Dad after surgery. My mom and sister went in first, I was trying to gain my composure. I just couldnt do it. I knew exactly what to expect and I just couldn't face it just yet. I needed to breathe. I didnt want to see the tubes, and I was a mess inside knowing Dads neck would once again have a Dialysis catheter protruding. My Mom returned saying that Dad was was shaking his head "no" in an uncontrolled motion. Back and forth, back and forth. I wanted to vomit as I pictured that in my mind. Somehow, I found the courage to go hold my Dads hand.

I thought this would be my moment. I thought I would melt down. But, I didnt. My heart felt like it was non existent. I'm still wondering whats wrong with me. Why can't I just let out all this sadness and fear I have inside? I paused for a moment at the door when I saw Dad shaking his head back and forth. What a terrible thing. Is he telling us something? Then his nurse smiled when our eyes met. I think I love my Dads nurse. She scooped me up and answered my every question. Dads vitals have been VERY GOOD she says. His blood sugar is stable at 120. He had some atypical bleeding that is now controlled. She assured me he is doing amazingly well. I really do love her. She was so informative. She made sure I knew the Kidney doctor was again consulted about his Dialysis. Dad stopped shaking his head as I rubbed his shoulder and talked to him. He was completely out of it. He wasn't there. And I didnt cry. Because I know his nurse is awesome.

From worry of making it through surgery...to this. The most critical days lie ahead. I'm scared to death of complications. Complications is what I have feared most. I feel lifted up in prayer, and I will sleep better tonight because of it. I've lost some faith along the way in the past few years, but tonight, I know. I know the power of prayer is with us.......

6 comments:

Wendy said...

Continued prayers coming your way!!!!

Amy said...

THANK GOD for wonderful nurses!! She set your mind at ease! The first few days are rough for anyone after such major surgery..I can only imagine the worry you feel for your dad right now. Praying for a good nights sleep for you...that your blood sugars and Madisons behave well for you tonight and that your mind can be at peace. ((HUGS))

Tracy said...

Still praying for you and your family Kelly! I am sure you are just being the strong one for everyone else. At some point I am sure all of what is inside will be let out.

I am glad your dad has such a great nurse. That makes all the difference in how all of you can handle this.

phonelady said...

Yes God is always with us and prayer is what we need all the time . Im so glad your daddy is better and I will pray no complications and he is back home again soon . Im gonna pray and continue to pray for your family .

Hallie said...

Kelly, I am so sorry you & your Dad & family have to go thru this. My heart just breaks for you. We will keep praying! Sending you much love and hugs!

Meri said...

I didn't sleep well last night. I just kept waking up thinking "I hope Kelly's dad is OK." I am so relieved that all is well. I know he has a long road, but we'll be there for you, and god too. Give a hug to that nurse for all of us. For taking good care of our friend...I am so thankful for her!