8am

Tomorrow morning at 8am my Dad is scheduled for surgery. My mom is a mess. My sisters are a mess, and I'm still emotionless. For a few moments today I began to feel the shocking pains in my heart as I sat alone in the dark hospital room watching my Dad drift off to sleep after a brutal low blood sugar. Only for a moment. Then the emotions ended as quickly as they started. WEIRD.

Dad was overdosed on his NPH insulin this morning, on top of already trending low for days. Then they bolused him 6 units of Novolog after breakfast for a 214 blood sugar. (that would have come down on its own) At barely 160lbs, 6 units of Novolog was WAY too much for my Dad. We couldnt get him out of the 50's all day. Being on Dialysis Dad isn't supposed to drink much fluids so juice cant be used for lows. So, we used all the glucose tabs I had stashed in my purse. Have you ever eaten glucose tabs until you want to barf? As if his condition isnt bad enough without lows beating him down. I could totally understand how he was feeling right then. It was painful to watch. Did I mention they only check his sugar once a day? Him and I have been chasing these lows ourselves. Talk about feeling alone. I just dont get why the nurses dont follow blood sugars! All I keep thinking is, lows and surgery don't mix. Neither does an insulin drip during surgery when you have been low for days. Thank goodness for D5 I guess. I just hope they keep his blood sugar safe. I know thats the least of our worries, but its just an added stressor considering I'm a pancreas for two 24/7/365.

They had us watch education video's tonight about the surgery. What to expect, how the procedure goes, recovery....all that. It wasn't such a good idea for my Mom. By the time I left tonight Dad was a nervous mess (worried about his BS mostly) and Mom was even worse. And here I am, emotionless. Thats a scary feeling.

This is a major surgery for anyone. My Dad is considered high risk above all that. Thats the scariest part. Its not like he is just a CHF/CAD patient going in for this. He is a Diabetic with long standing complications and a Dialysis patient. His circulation is poor. He doesnt heal well. I could on and on. Despite all that, I'm very optimistic. His surgeon is one of the top in the United States they say. I have full confidence in him. I got to speak with him again tonight about the veins they will take from his legs to graph the heart vessels. The doppler earlier today looked good, and they plan to remove at least 6 veins for the surgery. Hearing that was a bit shocking. I just can't imagine. I just can't grasp the fact that they do these things every day. Healthcare today is miraculous. I know my Dad is in good hands. Telling my heart that is a different story.

Tomorrow will probably be the longest, most emotional day of my life. I might even have Josh take over blood sugars checks tonight so I can sleep a straight 8 hours. I'm off to bed. Thanks to everyone who's comments keep me focused and confident that my Dad will be okay. Keep the prayers coming. We need them more now than ever.