After work today I just couldnt wait for Maddison to come home! I needed a BIG hug, I needed to see her for myself. 37 37 37 is all I could think at work. I didnt get much done, needless to say. I just wanted to have Maddison home with me, home where I can deal with Diabetes myself and not wonder every second whats happening next while Maddison is away from me. Damn lows. They really get in my mind. I cant help but wonder all the "what ifs"
I expected the nurse to call me after school with details of WHY Maddison was sent to her office alone when she said she felt low. No phone call. I'm sure the nurse talked with the teacher and left it at that. It turns out, in speaking with Maddison tonight she says she was actually in Art class when she complained of feeling low, and YES, a "buddy" accompanied her to the nurse, but the little girl turned and left as soon as they approached the nurses office. That makes me feel SOMEWHAT better....but the "what ifs" are still nagging at me. In regular class, the nurse is to come to Maddison if she feels low. I guess the Art teacher needs to be clued in on this too!!!
The truth is, the area in which Maddison is in during school hours is probably around the size of a very large house. All the specials classes are close, and Maddison's regular classroom is just a few halls from the nurses office. The nurse can be at Maddison's class to test for a low in seconds. (assuming she isnt busy) Maddison also has a meter at her desk with glucose tabs. Of course, she doesnt carry them WITH her to specials class. I'm thinking as of tomorrow thats all changing.
Starting school, I told Maddison to pop a glucose tab while the teacher calls the nurse if she feels low. So far, she has been 79 and 78...not lows....YET. But they would have been. Why Maddison didnt take a tab those two times while she waited for the nurse to get there is beyond me. Today's 37 comes after those two "almost lows" on Tues and Wednesday. Of course, today everything was adjusted to avoid those impending lows, to no avail. That leaves me with taking DRASTIC measures tomorrow, which will probably cause a high. Better a high than a 37 at school! I need to rethink our testing plan.
Maddison has the meter there in class. She has the tabs. She knows what number equals a low. When I have previously mentioned to our nurse that I felt Maddison should take a tab and test in the classroom for a low, the nurse wasn't so comfortable. Trust me. I understand why. Too many variables. How much insulin is active? Is Maddison dropping fast? Did she not drop yet but is about to? Does Maddison really need to even think about all that at the age of 9? Is she steady at 90 after breakfast? Of course Maddison should treat an obvious low.....sometimes its just not that easy. I'm wondering if I'm sheltering her from having to do this herself........Logically being that the nurse is so close to Maddison at all times, it should be an easy hop, skip and jump for the nurse to check a low. Why do I make it so difficult?
Then there is the side of me that wants Maddison to have privacy testing. I know what its like to be low and feel like everyone around you is staring at you while you sit jittery, pale and sweaty slurping down juice or gnawing on glucose tabs. You feel alienated. At your weakest moment, you feel like everyone thinks you are a crazy weirdo. At least I do. Its uncomfortable. Of course some lows aren't even the feel bad ones, you treat the low in an instant and move on. But those lingering lows......you just want some TIME to recover without feeling like a freak show. I never, ever want Maddison to feel like everyone is watching her. PRIVACY is a good thing in my mind. Maybe I'm wrong. Being that I was diagnosed as an adult, maybe Maddison just doesn't know any different and doesn't notice those things. I just don't know.
37 37 37....tomorrow will be a better day, with a better plan for Diabetes at school. I just haven't decided what the plan will be. The meter is there, the tabs are there......I just don't know.
Moving my blog again
4 years ago