4am

Maddison's last blood sugar check was at 1am, she was a nice 138. My next alarm is set for 5am. I'm hoping I don't see another huge spike staring back on her meter screen this time. Somewhere around 4am, a vision of a giant meter invaded my peaceful sleep. All I could see was this meter in my dream, it must have been as big as a house. Nothing else, just a great big meter in my dream, which showed the number 35. I literally woke up with a gasp, confused about the time, and wondering if I had missed Maddison's scheduled check. Nope, its just 4am...now I'm freaked out and have to check Maddison anyway. Still in a bit of a panic from the dream, my mind raced as I wondered if Maddison was going to be THAT low. Did I have that dream for a reason?

Apparently not. Maddison was 278. ACK! Of course then I couldn't get back to sleep. My mind was invaded by a combination of being freaked out over the dream and irritated that Maddison again spiked to such a number. I wanted to climb out of bed and look through Maddison's log. I wanted to fix that spike NOW! Damn Diabetes. I tossed and turned debating which time frame of Maddison's basals need to be adjusted. Is it Midnight? 1am? 2am? Ugh. The invasion of Diabetes thoughts didn't stop there. I worried about Maddison going back to school. WHY do we start school when the temperature outside is still 110 degrees? How will that recess heat effect Maddison's insulin dosing THIS year? Will the insulin get too hot? Oh no.....what about 3rd grade? The kids get meaner and meaner each year it seems! We had such a miserable year last year! PLEASE make this a better year for Maddison!

Maddison had a crazy teacher last year. A MEAN teacher. A teacher who made Maddison feel like she could never be good enough. UGH. I just want to stop all this worry and go back to sleep! But the thoughts kept coming. I was trying to plan a better way to keep Maddison from escaping to the nurse's office 8 times a day. I was debating over classroom blood sugar tests. Wondering if I could give Maddison more responsibility, or is this not the time? Will she have a teacher that "understands" her? OH PLEASE LORD tell me that our school nurse is returning! Then my mind shifted to the birthday party at the neighbors house today....with that damn trampoline! The last few days I've learned Maddison needs 20c for each half hour of jumping. She'll be fine, now CAN I PLEASE JUST GET TO SLEEP?

4am and the damn Diabetes thoughts took over!! Hours later I finally fell back to sleep, irritated that Diabetes is always there. Always in the back of my mind. Waking me from my sleep. Causing me more back to school stress than imaginable. Missing the "simple" life. Knowing that I'm doing my best every-single-day. Wondering if in 20 years "my best" will be enough. Hoping that this year Maddison is happy in school.....on and on and on until I couldn't worry anymore!