Avoidance

Today I got to stay home from work (yeah!) to attend Maddison's field trip. It was a ballet theater performance of The Snow Queen. It was a very nice performance though if anyone knows me, you know I was bored to death just having to sit still for an hour. I am usually done with anything after 5 minutes if it involves sitting for a long period of time. So, I sat there and wondered about how I should handle school situations and Diabetes.

I wasn't uncomfortable last year. So what is different this year? Well, I don't want Maddison to feel different of course! Last year when diagnosed we were very open about it. Maddison was diagnosed 3 months into the school year after all the kids in her class already loved who she was. Then came the Diabetes, and they were all so caring and cautious, protective of her. But this year is different for some reason. Maddison started this year repeating 1st grade and new to all the kids. Not only was she new, but she has a new pump that all the kids questioned. This year she felt "different" per say.

So today I tried to encourage Maddison to sit with the other kids on the bus, instead of with me. I guess I want her to feel like I am not even there, because now I always have to be. Her dad and I sometimes attended field trips even before "D" so I am sure she knows that we want to be there, not that we are there because we HAVE to be. I just don't want her feeling like she "needs" us for everything, even though this age with "D" she does need someone at all times for these things. -SIGH-

Anyway, lunchtime came, and all the kids gathered at the picnic tables. I had our lunch in my own backpack I brought, you know, the supply bag. Maddison said "Mom let me carry my lunch, I want to be just like everyone else" so that comment made me scared to make her feel "different" today. I didn't want to poke her finger with all those kids around. For a minute I didn't know what to do. What?! I don't know, it was a weird moment for me. I guess I just knew the questions would start after that, and I didn't want them to for Maddison's sake. But you know after 3,000 finger pokes in the last year I was able to pull it off without even one child noticing. One little girl noticed me using the pump though, and asked if I was able to "use that thing" She said she thought only the nurse knew how to use it. But that was it. A perfect field trip, and no being overwhelmed with questions. Thank goodness.

I hope Maddison didn't feel "different" today being the only one poked at lunch. Even though it is so routine for us, sometimes we don't like the whole world to know our business. Sometimes I wish I could hide the finger pokes, the pump, the carb book from others in public. Sometimes it doesn't bother me at all. Maybe after many years of all this I won't even know the difference.