Not so bad

Hannah is having her much anticipated birthday sleepover tonight! We have 7 giggiling, wild and crazy 11 and 12 yr old girls sleeping over!! I must say, they are a funny bunch of girls. They chased away my grumpies from the minute they came home from school. I have been fighting a sore throat and headache for days now, besides the PMS that has the whole house hiding from me. This sleepover is just what a grumpy mom needed to come out from hiding. So, we all had pizza before I had to take Maddison to the dreaded birthday party.....

I know, great combination. Pizza 1st, then 2 hours of jumping and excitement followed by cake and ice cream. Is there any parent that always doses pizza right? Ah yes. The party tonight. Every weekend has a birthday party it seems. You would think that after a year of dealing with them that they wouldn't stress me out. Part of my master plan was to turn Maddison's basal down to 80% for 3 hours before the party. Gotta love that benefit of the pump. I gave her half the insulin she should have required for the pizza at dinner. When we got to "Pump it Up" her blood sugar was 297! I was surprised and pissed to see it so high, but at least I felt she was safe at that number to be jumping for 2 hours non stop. I had back up gatorade, juice and all the good stuff. I really didn't think I would be needing it..... so, just AN HOUR after jumping at the party she felt low! 54!!! Geez, you have got to be kidding me! Imagine what that number could have been had I not taken the precautions I already took! Two glucose tablets, 13c juice. Recheck 82.....2 more glucose tablets as she begged me to just let her go play. Another half hour or so left before cake. That last 2 glucose tablets should do her......a nice 113 afterwards, so bring on the cake. Not so bad until we got home and Maddison was 308. I took it easy on the cake dose, fearing another low in the hours to come after all that exercise. Guess not. Knowing that she went from 297 to 54 then back to 308 just makes my stomach turn. I feel so bad for her. I'm tired of inflicting these roller coaster rides on her just to keep her safe from lows. I'm feeling very envious of anyone with a working pancreas right now.

It amazes me that parents (we used to as well) have these birthday parties and invite 30 kids. It is ridiculous to see a kid go home from a birthday party with 30 gifts. I mean, really. 4 baby dolls, 7 Barbies, 3 Bratz, games, gift cards, stuff stuff and more stiff. Do our kids really mean "thank you" after each 30 gifts? I think it is great that our kids are encouraged to be friends and include the entire 1st grade. I think these parties are great for that reason, but to me the amount of presents is just overwhelming. Our kids don't need all these gifts. If we could just leave the gifts out and enjoy each others company I would feel better about the whole thing. I guess I am just weird that way.

Another example of gift overload, we are supposed to have a support group Xmas party. They want to do a gift exchange, and I was the first to vote a big FAT NO. My idea was to encourage a craft and perhaps make cards for the kids that will spend Christmas in the hospital. Of course, everyone thinks I am a Bah-Humbug, and I guess in a way I am. They must think I am just too uptight about the whole thing. Now, this idea to me is something meaningful. I don't know where I became so Anti-gift. I guess this is a part of how I am seeing life after diagnosis so differently. Our family has so much, and I am always so grateful for that. I seem to always be thinking of everyone else at Christmas time that aren't as fortunate as we are. My kids don't need another toy that will be tossed in the closet. If you want to give my child a gift for their birthday, take them on a date. Spend some time with them, become someone they can talk to, and learn about the person they are. Go to a movie, have lunch, or better yet....just come over for a game night. I don't want another meaningless gift. I don't want anymore gifts just because they are "expected" for Xmas and birthdays. I really, truly don't. Sometimes that is just how I feel. Especially today because I am grumpy, fighting a cold and have been thinking so much about this birthday party today. I mean geez. 30 kids at a birthday party? It seems more chaotic than enjoyable. On Sunday our family will be here to celebrate Hannah's birthday. A bunch of gifts all meant to be thoughtful, but somehow so meaningless.

As I re-read what I just wrote, I realize that I am nothing but a grumpy bitch lately. ICK! I really need to get back to my workout routine and get over this negative attitude. It is the only hope to kick this second personality of mine LOL. It wouldn't be so damn hard to do that if I wasn't up every 2-3 hours chasing numbers. If I wasn't so sleep deprived and totally unmotivated. I have obviously been missing my daily dose of feel good endorphins. That is where I promise to start tomorrow. Something for ME. Now, lets just hope these wild crazy girls all get to bed!