Great night of numbers last night! Stayed from 130-150 all night. What relief! The problem? 34 after breakfast with 1.5 active this morning.......ERRRRR. Just when I was saying in my last post how numbers don't bother me so much anymore, deal with it, move on.....well, scratch that! Not today! I am so pissed! I cried, I screamed in my pillow. Every time I talk about something good doomsday begins. Why the hell does it happen that way?
To see a 34 on the meter makes you instantly blurt out something like "Oh shit!" or worse. To see your little girl pale, shaking and looking right through you.....makes you literally sick. It scares the hell out of you. Then.......it pisses you off. It is like someone teasing or taunting your kid at school. It is like someone saying something bad about your child that isn't true. It enrages you. Diabetes is when things like this 34 slap you in the face. I don't think people realize my 7yr olds life was just threatened. She could have had a seizure. She did nothing wrong. But, I sure feel like I did. I am in control of her body, and I failed her-again. Somehow I fucked up, not intentionally...but I did. I am so angry right now I could just crawl in bed all day. Shut down. But we don't. We carry this with us all day. And we still have to smile and pretend 34 didn't leave its mark. But it does.
Moving my blog again
6 years ago