Monday, December 3, 2007

Doubt

I think one of the hardest things of managing "D" is that you end up with self doubt so often. There are so many variables to consider when adjusting doses. Change basals? Change a ratio for a time of the day? Change sensitivity? Change the last snack time before bed? Add or reduce carbs for the bedtime low? Reduce basal for a high activity that day? You know what I mean, all the things we have to consider BEFORE making a change. Sheesh!


Maddison has had some weird lows here and there at 3-6am. Of course, it was days, even weeks apart. If I had seen a pattern a few days in a row I would know just what to adjust and when, how much and for what time frame. But no, Diabetes is not that easy sometimes, most of the time really. So, I end up doubting myself. I end up thinking that maybe I am clueless, even though I know I am not. I have made amazing progress with adjustments in the past, nearly perfecting basals for a month once! A whole month! One whole month Maddison was completely stable at night. I was foolish to think it would stay that way.

After checking Maddison in at 72 for her 3am check last night, I lay there until 5am trying to make sense of it all. I couldn't get back to sleep. Now I am struggling with not only exhaustion, but insomnia. I can't sleep after seeing shitty numbers all night because I think about them too much. I am a person that has to always have a reason. Sometimes with Diabetes there just isn't a reason.

I have a log, I mean, I detail everything. I log every number, every activity, mood, sniffle, the days she rode the bus to school, (more recess in the morning) the days she just sat around after school, the days she runs laps around the neighborhood, everything. And I see nothing. So, most nights I am up......Chasing numbers lately, because nothing I have adjusted has made a difference. Corrections at night used to work out just fine. Sometimes perfect. Now I correct, correct, correct and they don't budge. You would think I could change night time sensitivity, but nope! Causes lows. Change the basal even for a half hour? Nope! Causes lows. I have been around and around reasoning why we are fighting this right now. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

1 comment:

Cosmo Mom said...

I know, i've been having a LOT of doubt lately, about me, about her dr's. her numbers make NO sence at all, she's high, high, high. I try to correct something then either nothing happens or their is a big drop. The other day after her after noon nap she woke up high, it had been 4 hr's since her last shot so I give her a correction, at dinner a few hr's later she was 64.. So the next day, she woke up high again, I don't do anything, to see if maybe her NPH would do something?? nope her BG was 471 EEK! So today, again, high after nap (even after we up'd her NPH in the AM) she was high, I corrected her, but but didn't give her .5 units that would have been called for according to her correction dose. To see if maybe a not so full correction would be better, well at dinner in the 60's again. a few hr's after dinner her dad checked her and she was in the high 200's (beacuse she didn't get a correction amount at dinner) her dad gave her .5 units correction. i get home at 9 from work and check her bg and she was 44 EEK! i'm so tired.