Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A "D" Moms Mind

I cant sleep. My mind has been running wild today. I had totally convinced myself lately that Ms Hannah has Mono. Last night she started again with upper left abdominal pain or "spasms" she says, that to me, said her Spleen was freaking out. Right under her rib cage, just like you read about. Another symptom of Mono. But, Hannah's dizziness has only gotten worse over the past 24 hours. What's THAT about? Day 2 of school missed this week. Hannah LOVES school. She wants to be with her friends. She never misses school.....

All night last night Hannah complained of "not feeling right" and "feeling weirdish and floaty." And then, she asked me to check her blood sugar. MY Hannah who is deathly afraid of needles!! MY Hannah who is so TERRIFIED of seeing a wrong number pop up on the screen...asked ME to check her sugar!! Hannah is worried about how she has been feeling, which makes me wonder even more....

By the time I gathered the supplies to check Hannah's sugar, she refused. She changed her mind. -Sigh-

Hannah isn't really afraid of the finger poke.

She is afraid of the number.

So am I.

Hannah was thinking Diabetes, whereas I was considering the fact that maybe she is running lower sugars than her norm, making her feel light headed. Dizziness, lightheaded....can a child really tell the difference? I could see that maybe the start of Volleyball season is causing hypo feelings, but I didn't really put much thought into it. I surely wasn't thinking high numbers.

Hannah is gaining weight, not losing weight. She isn't drinking crazy amounts of water, and she isn't peeing like crazy. My worries of her and Diabetes were over months ago as she continued to gain weight and grow 3 inches! Us D Moms often go through these spells in which Diabetes for our other children is constantly harassing our mind. I think its normal to worry about our other children. I haven't worried about this possibility for Hannah in months. She has been just fine.

So, Hannah woke up this morning with increased dizziness. I checked her fasting sugar to see if she was running low in the mornings. She was 107, exactly where she usually is. 107. 107. 107. I know. I don't know what to say about that....but I KNOW.

I called the Doc back first thing this morning and insisted labs to be drawn, also mentioning Hannah's fasting number was 107. The Doc wanted to repeat the fasting number (Ya think?) along with all the other normal labs. And an HCG. Frickin pregnancy test! My kid is 14 and old enough for a pregnancy test! That freaks me out! You can bet that opened up some conversation with Ms Hannah today!

Being the typical D Mom, I thought why not add in an A1c while we are at it? So I checked the A1c box myself :) It would be nice if Peds knew an A1c tells more than a fasting number!

I wondered all day about Hannah while I was at work today. She was home with her Dad. WHY is she so dizzy? I questioned all the same things Ive questioned over and over. Her ears? Sinus related? Dehydration? Does she have positional blood pressure issues? Her sodium levels? Man...I hope it isn't something with her heart. I didnt even go there with the OTHER thoughts we need not mention. Just all the same questions ran through my mind.

Then I thought about it. I should have known my D mom instincts would again head that way...

Maybe her dizziness is in fact the feeling of being lightheaded? As in, low blood sugar. The D Mom thoughts started flowing. I couldn't turn them off. It all just made sense. It started to fit together like a puzzle. I wanted to concentrate on work, but I couldn't. In my crazy over active D Mom mind I was convincing myself that Hannah was having a new, slow onset of Diabetes!!!

My D Mom mind went racing. The voice inside my head went something like this.....

Maybe 107 IS low for her. Maybe she feels low at 107 because she runs in the 200's and 300's all day with meals!! Maybe fasting overnight is the only thing that brings her sugars back to normal. Is 107 fasting really ok? OMG....her A1c is going to come back as Diabetic! What the fuck is wrong with the genetics in my family!!??
Sitting at work, my D Momma brain took over! My heart was seriously palpitating. Somehow, I went from suspecting "simple" Mono to being 100% certain in my mind that Diabetes was striking AGAIN! It was horrible! It took me a good hour or so to talk myself out of panic. I completely believed that Hannah felt low at 107, which meant 107 was low for what she is used to running.... My crazy mind thought maybe I was in denial-again.

The voice screamed out.....She IS running high all day!

I went for a walk. I told myself that Hannah IS FINE! I told myself over and over and over again that she is gaining weight! She cant have Diabetes! Her fatigue is because she is a crazy active, growing teenager! She is FINE!!! Somehow I talked myself down off the D panic ledge.

Crazy D Mom I am!!

So, we wait and see what Hannah's A1c is. Right now I'm sure its fine. I refuse to check her sugar myself after she eats...because I have no reason to, right?

YEP. That's what I'm sticking with. Tomorrows labs will show Hannah's A1c is fine, and that I am crazy. Maybe she does have Mono. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe there isn't an explanation. That would be even better. For now this D Momma has laid her crazy mind to rest. Time to check Maddy, treat my low and get some sleep. -Sigh-


Unknown said...

DON'T leave that MD's office until you have more answers than stupid pharyngitis Kelly! She sounds SICK. xoxoxo

Jill said...

(((HUGS))) Please know you're in my thoughts!!! It's hard to find the perfect words to say when we're feeling like this...so I won't even try to...but PLEASE know you're NOT crazy! You're a MOM! Luv ya girlie!