Every year around this time Maddison makes miraculous strides in growing older, and being more responsible. An August baby.....Maddison will be 9 this year, and today that 9 is really showing. I'm sad that my youngest is so "grown up" yet proud and anxious to see the young lady she becomes. I can always tell when the months are turning closer to her birthday, closer to another year of milestones. Each year around this time Maddison turns into someone with alot of new wisdom that she likes to share. Of course ALOT of this wisdom is based around her Diabetes.
Today as we set out to finish our Fathers Day shopping, Maddison came to me to say that she plans to ALWAYS carry her own purse with all her Diabetes stuff. Meter, juice, candy....even extra supplies like syringes and pump extras. Sure, SOMETIMES Maddison carries her own purse, but "FROM NOW ON" she says she is responsible for her own Diabetes stuff "ALWAYS." Wow. That makes me feel very proud, yet very sad at the same time. Sad of course, because Maddison's purse carries alot of responsibility that I still, to this day, hate to admit she has.
When Maddison was diagnosed at age 6, she had "fun" carrying her own purse with all her supplies. She felt proud to be able to care for her own Diabetes. Months passed, realizations grew. Diabetes wasn't so "fun" anymore. As any mom would do for their young child with Diabetes, I carried all her Diabetes stuff right along with mine whenever we left the house. Now Maddison is asking for more Independence, more responsibility with her Diabetes. This is a day that I secretly never wanted to come. Moms are supposed to carry the burden of Diabetes when their children are so young!! I guess its time for me to realize that 9 isn't really so young anymore. Time to step back. Let go. Its hard for me to admit that Maddison's Diabetes will be her OWN some day. More and more every day I guess. I don't want it to be. If I could carry Maddison's Diabetes for her entire life time, I would. From now on I have to let go of small pieces of her Diabetes as she asks or shows the need, I know.
When we arrived home after our shipping trip Maddison asked me if I would give her a "test." A "Diabetes test" she says. When we made dinner together I warmed her up for some carb counting lessons, only to learn that the test she really wants is a "written" test. So, thats what I'm supposed to be working on now. I needed to vent my emotions first!
Maddison has grown 2 inches in the past 4 months. She never misses a day caring for her lizard, her bird or the Goldens. I don't even have to ask or remind her to do so anymore. As Maddison is becoming increasingly responsible, I can't help but think... I wish Diabetes wasn't something that she has to take responsibility for! From now on I will silently cry inside every time I see her with her little pink purse. I hate the juice inside, the meter inside, the syringes inside.....but ohhhh how I love my little girl that feels ready to take on her Diabetes. I love her more than I could ever hate Diabetes. I think its time to buy some fun stuff for that purse!!Maybe some lip gloss and such. That should help me feel better about whats inside that purse! I need to change the way I feel about all this, I know.
Moving my blog again
5 years ago