Today,tomorrow

Somehow, the last 10 days have blended into one. This morning started with the "new normal" trip to CCU to check on my Dad. I planned to go to work today (no work = no pay) but today was Dialysis day AND they planned to wean Dad off the ventilator. Work wasn't happening.

It all happened so fast. One minute Dad was nodding yes and no to our questions, he was less sedated. The next minute they reduced the oxygen flow. 10 minutes later an ABG was drawn to determine if we move forward. Good to go.

I swear, I was like the energizer bunny. After 10 days waiting for progress and a step forward, I knew today was the day. Dad would come off the vent and be HIMSELF for the first time since surgery. I sent text messages for all my sisters to COME NOW. We all needed to be here for this. I could have hopped up and down the CCU floor telling everyone today was the day. I wanted to. I felt it. I was sure today was the day.

I munched on my apple in the waiting room like a starving child from Indonesia. My energy and excitement (nerves) were too much. The ABG came back pretty good, so they turned off the oxygen flow on the vent.

Dad was too weak. His vitals all stood steady although oxygen was none. He ended up needing to have the vent turned back up after a few minutes. His lungs just werent ready. We were SO close. I feel like I lied to him. This morning I kept asking him "are you ready?" "Do you feel strong?" We explained to Dad how they would ease him off the vent. In his eyes he was ready. But physically he wasn't. Such a disappointment. Sedation was turned back up, to get him through another night of ventilator breathing. There he went. We were so close. Tomorrow we try again.

Wendy came to visit me today at the hospital. Wendy knows I've been losing my ground. As disappointed as I was this morning, I ended up revived and "happy" to the bottom of my being. Just because of a visit from a dear friend. Someone who cares. Someone who listens, someone who is there. Wendy got to talk with my family. She learned alot about us. She listened. She shared. It was uplifting to be in normal conversation once again after so many days being trapped in CCU chaos. I couldnt have made it through todays disappointment without her.

Beth Stopped by as planned tonight. Ms Lori my neighbor did too. All to lift me up in spirit. Amen to great friends! I am blessed to have so many friends that watch out for me. Each one knew I've been heading towards the end of my rope. Each one stepped up and took me in at my lowest point. For tomorrow, I feel I can handle anything that comes my way. Tomorrow is Dialysis day. Another day to attempt to remove Dads ventilator. AS down as I have been the past TOO MANY days, I'm ready for tomorrow. I hope and pray Dad is too.