Monday, January 25, 2010

Empty

Thats about it. I just feel empty. Except when I think of what my Mom must be feeling. I can't imagine her sorrow, her grief. Alone in a big empty house, knowing her husband is never coming home. I'm heart broken for my mom most of all.

We are all feeling such emptiness right now, and I think thats partly because Dad has really been gone for 4 weeks. For 4 weeks he's been away. Such a long time spent in that hospital. So many days were spent grieving before Dad even passed. Today, this still just doesn't feel real. It seems like he's still stuck in that hospital....reality just hasn't hit. How can you watch your father breathe his last breath and still be in denial? Empty doesn't feel good.

I woke up this morning over 300....that has NEVER happened. I thought emotional stress caught up with me, until I realized my site was on day 6. I simply forgot about me. Every finger poke today drew tears to my eye. Every correction I took made me nauseated inside. How can I carry on peaceful with this dreaded disease? Every finger poke. Every High. Every low.....reminds me of my Dads suffering. Diabetes took everything from my Dad, even though he did everything right. I can feel an emotional storm brewing inside.....I think I like empty better than what lies ahead.

3 comments:

Amy said...

Hang in there! I'm sure your still in shock....what a difficult time for you and your family. Praying for you! Take care of yourself!

phonelady said...

Oh Kelly I do feel for you and I will continue to pray for you and your family dear . I wish that God fill your heart with peace instead of empty . I am so sorry for your loss .

Penny said...

(((hug))) so sorry for your loss.