Nothing much changing!

Maddison is still going to visit the school nurse 5-8 times a day, feeling "low" so we have now worked out a new plan. The school nurse will come to check Maddison right outside the classroom anytime she "feels low". Also due to the fact that Maddison has been going to the nurse the moment the morning bell rings to start the day, I am checking her at that time to assure her she is fine and not dropping. That means Maddison takes the morning bus to school as always (she loves riding the bus!)and I get an extra half hour before rushing off to work. I stop at the school, check her blood sugar and HOPE she will not visit the nurse knowing she is in "safe" range. Our school team and I still feel that Maddison is being truthful when she says she "feels low" although I know that sometimes (maybe alot of times) she is probably using the excuse to get out of the classroom. We have discussed this all in depth with Maddison and she assures us she feels "shaky" (nervous, spiking?)when she visits the nurse. Her blood sugar is perfect on the weekends. She stays high from 9am until she gets home from school. Stress? I don't know. Any adjustments I make are useless, or she goes low. Inch by inch, I'm still not getting anywhere with her school day blood sugars!

This is all so heartbreaking to me. We spend so much time teaching our "D" kids to trust how they feel. Just today I felt *low* and I tested at 160. I was lightheaded, and not thinking clearly. I even rechecked. 158. Definitely not low. Maybe going low? Maybe spiking? Think about a young girl the age of 8 like Maddison. She feels nervous in class. She is still stressed with an uncertain relationship with her teacher. She may be hungry after lunch. Maybe her heart is racing after recess. Maybe she isn't sleeping well at night and she is tired and unable to concentrate in class with wild blood sugar on top of it all. Maybe, maybe she really DOES feel low. There are so many feelings we can have when out of range. It just isn't fair to say she is lying to get out of class. But, on the other hand.....I know she is bored. I know she thinks she is "entitled" to always leave the classroom, for the restroom, for headaches. I know that she has used the low cry a few times in the past to get out of cleaning her room, her homework etc. But, I also know we have worked on a trust between us. Maddison has grown to be more honest with her Diabetes. She knows all about crying wolf, and that if she uses her Diabetes as an excuse then someone else out there will too. And that would indeed "hurt my feelings" she agreed. We will see how this week goes with the nurse coming to her for lows, that is about all I can do at this point. I have exhausted all efforts on my part, the rest is up to her.

We did have her final meeting to review her 504 and Special testing results. She is perfectly within all ranges except with Math in which she scored low on short term memory (like me!) and basic math facts. She is simply slower with the math facts, and she does not qualify for any special testing in any areas. GREAT! Then WHY does she "hate" school so much? I have many theories of my own. I know the answers, and there just isn't a solution, I was the same way as a child and I didn't even have the "D" monster then! So, anyway, we changed her 504 to an IEP because of her qualifying for OHI (other health impaired) for her Diabetes. The teacher I requested for her to switch to was not considered, and the teacher they approved Maddison to switch to I won't even consider based on others opinions. We are better off to stay where we are and pray that the school counselor has really helped the current teacher improve her interactions with Maddison. Again, I am at a loss and I am not sure what to expect in the weeks ahead. I just know Maddison needs to stay in class!

We flew out to Montana last week and stayed for 4 days to attend Josh's Grandfathers funeral processions. What an exhausting trip. Emotionally, physically, spiritually.... entirely. A beautiful service. Afterwards, we drove many miles out to the family ranch and beside his favorite fishing hole we laid his spirit (and ashes) to rest. In Montana Grandpa raised 6 kids and many of his own Grandchildren. Here he taught them how to fish, and loved this quiet spot on the ranch. It is beautiful indeed. Peaceful. Away from all the worries that can come crashing down on you in life. We were all so happy to have been able to make the long trip to be with Grandma and the family as we said our goodbyes one last time. Hannah even made it through much stronger than I believed she would. We all have a renewed sense of peace that Grandpa is in a better place.

So not much changing around here. Just taking it day by day and trying to hope for the best. We will get there, we always do. Until then we just smile, hold our head high and promise to see tomorrow as another chance to better who we are and where we are going!