Friday, October 17, 2008

Letting it go

Hannah's blood sugar 2 hours after a 13c "Viactive" yogurt drink was 123. She had just fallen asleep, but she still knew I was coming for her finger poke. And, of course she tried to fight me. I will never understand why she is so fearful of a little finger poke. Maybe she is more fearful of the number than the poke itself. I was a bit frustrated with that number because it wasn't a clear under 100 result. It wasn't over 140, so I didn't have a heart attack. Her morning fasting has never been under 106. But I let it go and I was happy with the 123.

The next evening Hannah came in from running around outside and said she was "shaky" (which she has been several times in the past!) and weak. It had been about an hour since a good balanced, healthy dinner. She told me "I think I'm low" and I just kind of stared at her. I thought, what the heck does that mean? Hannah who is nearly 12 years old and will scream, cry and hide from a finger poke wants me to check her blood sugar? Well, she must if she is telling me she feels low! So I tried to explain hypoglycemia in people without Diabetes. She wasn't convinced that I should check her. I realize I should have respected that since I just "tortured" her the night before with a finger poke, but come on....one second....one poke....it could tell me alot. It could keep her safe if she ever did have serious hypoglycemia I would be a step ahead of knowing! We can pretend that our family genetics aren't crap, or we can try everything possible (Trialnet studies!)to make sure Hannah stays "without" this curse. Maddison pokes her tiny fingers 10-15 times a day and honestly that has made me without much sympathy for one poke here and there.....

After fighting Hannah for her finger for several minutes I began to lose my patience. I finally told her to suck it up or I am taking her in for blood work. Finger poked. She ran to cry in her room. My heart broke feeling horribly guilty for doing this to her. She was 102. BIG sigh of relief. Then of course my mind starts wondering if maybe 102 IS low for her. Then I stopped myself. I'm done, I'm letting it go.

1 comment:

momofcwd said...

Hugs, Kelly. I know how hard it is to watch the "other" sibling and have it always running through your head..... it feels like we're waiting for the other shoe to drop, no matter how much we DON'T want the damn thing to fall. I have freaked out more than once when Michael seemed "off".

Not that it's much help, but you're not alone. :)
b