Thursday, February 19, 2009

I just don't get it

9 mini pancakes with "sugar free" syrup and 2tbsp of peanut butter atop. 1 cup of chocolate milk (made with 1c chocolate mix! YAY!) Throw in a few banana slices. Maddison eats the same carb count every-single-day for breakfast, sometimes a tad more for hungry days, but always the same foods. Sometimes Maddison gets a little wild and will choose cinnamon/Splenda toast with cheesy eggs, or maybe waffles in place of pancakes. For the most part during the school week its the same old favorites. The entire first year after diagnosis Maddison would come in for her morning check in range 80% of the time, just as predictable as her morning choice for breakfast. (thank you honeymoon!)The last entire year however, I just don't get it.

I guess I do "get it." I totally understand. No, no.....scratch that. I don't understand. I have this argument repeatedly with my other personality. You know, the one that just accepts Diabetes for what it is. THAT personality. The one that is so optimistic and and just rolls with the punches. Well, I'm not that person this week. I'm irritated, and I just dont "get it." How can you eat the same damn thing every day, at the same time, in the same amount and STILL have an entirely different blood sugar in the end? Oh......right......we are talking about an 8yr old here! A running, growing, jumping, happy, sad, stressed, excited and GROWING child. Some days, like today, I just don't get it. I don't want to accept that Diabetes for our children IS this random, difficult, continuously changing, name it. I have accepted the shots, dietary concerns, finger pokes and emotional dramas....I still haven't accepted the fact that Diabetes never stops changing. This is truly the hardest part for me. I don't like change.

Monday was a day off from school. Maddison fought lows all day despite her weekend "pattern" being set in her pump. Tuesday back to school she was awesomely in range all day. Wednesday she was 300's......and today was closer to being in range again. So, what to do for tomorrow? I just don't get why it has to be this way. ((Vent over))

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