Thursday, August 19, 2010

Today

Today started as a crazy day! Anyone on Facebook knows the story....

530am Take the dogs outside (Diego is suddenly blind in one eye) The cat sneaks outside, jumps the fence and hides in the bushes of the greenbelt. Then comes the Coyote. Coyotes in our neighborhood are often seen having cat for breakfast. We were lucky. The Coyote saw me and left, I eventually caught the cat, round up the dogs and go inside to finish my coffee. Sheesh. Enough excitement for one day!

As the morning rush goes on, Maddison shows me her "rash".....well look at that! We got ringworm (which isnt a worm, a parasite or anything other than a fungal infection!) from the sweet kitties at the cat rescue where Maddison started to volunteer a few weeks back!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Ran to the store, started treatment. Easy enough, but EWWWWW!!! (Maddison was bummed she didnt get to miss school for the rash)

Stop by my Moms on the way to work....note to self....there is a black unknown vehicle parked next to my Moms house. Note to self, the shirtless man, covered in tattoos and slumped over the steering wheel with the door wide open does not appear to be alive. A few steps closer, he is breathing, never responded to anyone. Call 911.....Drug overdose. GREAT.

Driving to work I feel jittery, like I needed to jump out of the car and run a thousand miles. Heart palpitations. This isnt excitement from my wild morning. Nope, this is the new Thyroid medication I JUST took for the first time. GREAT. Hmmm......breathe. Maybe Im low. Check my blood sugar while stuck in traffic. 108. Perfect. But, now I want to puke. Why the heck did the instructions say to take on an empty stomach? Ewwww......I better pull over. PUKE. LOVELY. There went my breakfast. And.........here comes a low.

All this before 930am. -Sigh-

Every night I go to bed dreaming of tomorrow. I try to stay optimistic. I try to think positive, even when craziness comes my way. I really do. I always wear a smile. I'm always cheerful. But, there has just been too many little things lately. I'm tired. I dont feel well and its wearing me down!

A friend of mine at work was diagnosed with ovarian cancer over the weekend. (NOT a little thing) She is 33. With two young boys. I can't stop thinking of what she must be going through in her mind, and what she will go through as she faces this battle. Everywhere I look these days Im reminded. Constantly reminded of how "easy" my life is in comparison to some. Reminded of how precious each and every day is. Reminded that **I** need to look ahead and not back. Forgive. Forget. Move on. Live for today. LOVE those around you.

We knew today we needed to take Diego in....then we changed our minds. He was ok. He was good actually. Oh, no.....he isnt. But now he seems fine. We should wait and see how he feels tomorrow. One more day. Ummmmm.......NO. 15 minutes until the Vets office closes.....We just HAVE to, we do.

Josh, Maddison and I made the TOO QUICK drive to the Vets office. I just wanted to turn the car around and have him for one more day! A week ago he was his playful self. Chasing ball after ball, then diving in the pool. Today he can't see and was weakened by the Lymphoma. Literally overnight. Maddison understands. She always does.

We said our goodbyes to Diego there on the cold vets floor. Hug after hug, and not wanting to let go. Maddison and I left the room and Josh stayed with Diego. And then, Maddison and I cried quietly together while we waited to hear that Diego was in heaven. "He'll be swimming all day and surrounded by tennis balls in heaven" Maddison says. That, I have no doubt.

Maddison and I cried all the way home. Just Diego's collar and leash in hand, with memories in our hearts.

I took a blogging break over the summer. Too much going on. Too much chaos. Changes. Stress. I had no interest in anything Diabetes related. I was too overwhelmed. I took a Diabetes break per say, Diabetes took the backseat. I thought Id come back to blogging this time having good things to say. Maybe having something interesting to say about Diabetes life. Maybe some inspirational words for others out there that know what this life is like. I dont know what happened to those days. Lately, Im anything but inspirational. More like depressing. So, Im taking another blog break. If you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say it. Im sticking with that......

7 comments:

Wendy said...

OH, Kelly....you posts are breaking my heart. I'm crying so hard right now.

Please call, text, email, FB, whatever!!!! I need to wrap my arms around you and do something - ANYTHING - to help make this hole smaller.

I hope you'll be back soon. I've missed you.

htimm=) said...

So sorry for your loss! Our pets are so special and become a part of our family. I said goodbye to my precious husky just a year and a half ago and can't even bear to think about getting another animal to replace her. She was one of us and it's still sad not to have her here. If you need to vent, your blog is the place to do just that. You will be in my thoughts and prayers until you are ready to blog again...

Lora said...

But Kelly, you WERE inspirational. I am in tears, but also in awe of your attitude about all that is going on around you.

"Forgive. Forget. Move on. Live for today. LOVE those around you".

As simple as it seems... isn't that the truth!!!

Cindy said...

Kelly, even showing the dark side of life with diabetes can be inspirational. It shows others that they're not alone and there is a light, even in the dark. I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to Diego so quickly! It sounds like he was a wonderful companion for you and your family. I'm sure he's enjoying a very large steak in heaven right now. Don't hesitate to blog if you need to rant and complain about how unfair life is, but if you do take a break from it, you'll be missed!

Tracy (The Crazy Pancreas) said...

(((HUGS))) Kelly! We will be here when you get back from your break!

And honestly, we don't mind reading WHATEVER is going on in your life, good or bad!

Meri said...

Your day sounds so overwhelming! I just want to give you a big hug!! I hope better days are ahead for you. Have a great weekend Kelly!

Heidi / D Tales said...

Oh my goodness! I hope better days are ahead. Hold tight to those memories of your sweet Diego. I'm so, so sorry for your loss! Big (((HUGS)))!