Maddison and I both started on our insulin pumps last June 4th, 2007. I love our insulin pump, and I know that Maddison finally does too. She really had a hard time in the beginning with the transition and it took her awhile to stop the "I hate it" remarks. I know repeating 1st grade this year with a whole new Diabetes approach and an attached pump 24/7 really made her feel "different" for the first time after being diagnosed. She was embarrassed and perhaps ashamed.
Two months after starting the pump I almost decided to let her go back to injections after the emotional roller coaster we went through with her hating it, repeating 1st grade and realizing that this was forever. Trying to decide what was best broke my heart right along with hers so many nights. She cried alot. I too cried many, many hours not knowing what what best for HER. What about her confidence? Her management? Her feelings of this disease? I knew in time she would love the freedom that the pump brings. I knew that the control was superior. I hated injecting insulin 4-8 times day just to keep her in range. I hated that she had to have extra injections just because she wanted a snack, or the treat that was being given at school.
But, today she is proud of her pump. Sometimes I have to encourage her to tuck in the tubing to avoid people's curious stares. She responds with an "Its okay, it doesn't make me feel bad", and I just make a long -SIGH- Sometimes she will comment that she gets to eat anything all day without shots, and she thinks that is great. Sometimes she says she feels sorry for kids that can't afford pumps. I hope the day never comes as a rebellious teenager and she wants to go back to injections. I'm hoping I have taught her to be strong and overcome wanting to just "be normal" without a pump. I hope that she knows her pump is an awesome part of who she is, even though I can understand why so many teenagers want to hide their pump and chose to go back to injections. I know I need to just take the days as they come, but you can't help but wonder if you have prepared your child for what lies ahead. Normal life issues are hard enough, add Diabetes and a pump to the mix and it is an entire new concern.
My pump however, has always just been like the wedding ring on my finger. It is there without notice. Day in and day out. When it is not there, I feel naked without it. I do get uncomfortable sometimes with others curious stares, but for the most part I am proud to have it there, tucked in my pocket keeping me the healthiest I can be.
I am happy to have Diabetes in a generation where the pump is so readily available. I feel guilty that we have this technology when so many others have not. I am very grateful that we have the choice to pump or not to pump. I am completely a pump "Naitze" although I promised I never would. I remember being bombarded by all the moms in our support group to start a pump. I love you guys! Pumps are alot more work in the beginning, but the control is far superior......I want all parents of children with Diabetes to be aware of the awesome power of the pump! In the beginning you may have a REALLY hard time getting basal's set right. The constant finger poking will drive you insane, and you will spend alot of time wondering what you are doing wrong. You will want to throw it in the pool, burn it or throw it in the trash. You will cuss and scream on many occasions. Maybe cry alot if you are emotional like me. Then one day, you will see stability that you never had on injections. The pump that you hated will be your best friend, and the A1c you have been fighting for will be reflective of all your hard work. Hooray for 1 year of pumping in our house!
Moving my blog again
8 years ago