Has it really only been 2 and a half days since Maddison left for camp? Sheesh. I miss her terribly. TERRIBLY. I think about Diabetes more now on this little "break" than I ever did before! Its so much easier and less stressful and worrisome if I just tend to it myself!
Every bird that chirps, I think of Maddi. Every song on the radio makes me think of Maddi. Every time I poke my own finger, I think of Maddi. Every time I count my carbs, I think of Maddi. Every person I see walking their dog, I think of Maddi.....I'm thinking about her every five minutes! What kind of "break" is this anyway? My mind is running a thousand miles a minute. Wondering what she did today, what is planned tomorrow. What her wake up number was, what she ate today. How is she feeling? Is it hot there? Did her site fall off? When do they change the sites? What have they adjusted? Is she on a temp basal? Does she want to come home? Is she sleeping well? Is she wearing her sun screen? Damn. I feel like a mother that left her breast feeding baby for the first time!!
I slept a straight 8 hours last night. I have to admit, I felt amazing today. But, now when I could be sleeping, I cant. -Sigh-
I had a nasty post dinner low of 43 which caused me to woof down about 80c that I DID NOT WANT to eat. Now I feel fat. Bloated. With a headache, and irritated. I want to puke. Oh, and of course I had to bolus back some of those carbs once my sugar came back up. I was going to head to bed early tonight, OR SO I THOUGHT.
Im currently hoovering at 104 with 3.4 units of insulin active. YUCK. If I have to eat or drink another carb I think I will cry. And then I might have a melt down. Josh is laid over working in Flagstaff, Hannah crashed out early...so its just me tonight. Its very strange.
Right now I'm better off waiting for some insulin to wear off before trying to go to sleep......I'm Wishing I could at least talk to Maddison on the phone and hear how much fun she is having! Yes, that would make it all better right now!
This "camp" thing was supposed to leave me feeling "rested" from chasing numbers. I really believed it would. SO I THOUGHT. This "camp" thing wasn't supposed to be on my mind every waking hour. Minute by minute. But so far, it is.
We sent a collage of pictures to Maddi at camp today, you know, pictures of her Callie the crazy poodle, and her crazy meanie cat. A picture of her silly birds...all the things she will miss the most. Her Dad, Hannah and I all wrote letters too.....I cant wait to check the mail tomorrow! She promised me a letter, but Im not surprised if she is off being too busy! As the 3rd and 4th day rolls around I worry about her being homesick....she is always the first to want to come home......but, she isnt so little anymore, and I know she is having SO much fun :)
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15 years ago
3 comments:
Kelly I have to say I really like your description of post-low carb belly bloat. You help me understand how Joe feels at times. Thank you for that.
And...
I am learning-living through your camp experience. Joe doesn't want to try "D" camp yet (just turned 8)...he will be doing all day hockey camp (UGH...don't know how I am gonna manage that one with Bridget in tow). I am hoping they have a trainer involved that can at least help with lows...etc.
Keep swimming girl. I hope today you feel a little more at ease with her gone. xoxo
Hoping that day 3 brings you some rest from the worry! And some better numbers so you don't have to eat when you don't want to and sleep when you do!
You are putting how I feel this week into words for me. Both of my T1 boys (ages 6 and 9) are at camp for the first time. I hope they are having fun, and they aren't too homesick. I miss them, but it is nice to be able to sleep in and not have to worry about counting carbs at every meal or remember to give a shot at every meal. It's nice to not have to get up in the middle of the night to do a BS check. I'm sure Maddi is having a blast and will come home telling you she is ready to go again next year!
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