Today

Today started as a crazy day! Anyone on Facebook knows the story....

530am Take the dogs outside (Diego is suddenly blind in one eye) The cat sneaks outside, jumps the fence and hides in the bushes of the greenbelt. Then comes the Coyote. Coyotes in our neighborhood are often seen having cat for breakfast. We were lucky. The Coyote saw me and left, I eventually caught the cat, round up the dogs and go inside to finish my coffee. Sheesh. Enough excitement for one day!

As the morning rush goes on, Maddison shows me her "rash".....well look at that! We got ringworm (which isnt a worm, a parasite or anything other than a fungal infection!) from the sweet kitties at the cat rescue where Maddison started to volunteer a few weeks back!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Ran to the store, started treatment. Easy enough, but EWWWWW!!! (Maddison was bummed she didnt get to miss school for the rash)

Stop by my Moms on the way to work....note to self....there is a black unknown vehicle parked next to my Moms house. Note to self, the shirtless man, covered in tattoos and slumped over the steering wheel with the door wide open does not appear to be alive. A few steps closer, he is breathing, never responded to anyone. Call 911.....Drug overdose. GREAT.

Driving to work I feel jittery, like I needed to jump out of the car and run a thousand miles. Heart palpitations. This isnt excitement from my wild morning. Nope, this is the new Thyroid medication I JUST took for the first time. GREAT. Hmmm......breathe. Maybe Im low. Check my blood sugar while stuck in traffic. 108. Perfect. But, now I want to puke. Why the heck did the instructions say to take on an empty stomach? Ewwww......I better pull over. PUKE. LOVELY. There went my breakfast. And.........here comes a low.

All this before 930am. -Sigh-

Every night I go to bed dreaming of tomorrow. I try to stay optimistic. I try to think positive, even when craziness comes my way. I really do. I always wear a smile. I'm always cheerful. But, there has just been too many little things lately. I'm tired. I dont feel well and its wearing me down!

A friend of mine at work was diagnosed with ovarian cancer over the weekend. (NOT a little thing) She is 33. With two young boys. I can't stop thinking of what she must be going through in her mind, and what she will go through as she faces this battle. Everywhere I look these days Im reminded. Constantly reminded of how "easy" my life is in comparison to some. Reminded of how precious each and every day is. Reminded that **I** need to look ahead and not back. Forgive. Forget. Move on. Live for today. LOVE those around you.

We knew today we needed to take Diego in....then we changed our minds. He was ok. He was good actually. Oh, no.....he isnt. But now he seems fine. We should wait and see how he feels tomorrow. One more day. Ummmmm.......NO. 15 minutes until the Vets office closes.....We just HAVE to, we do.

Josh, Maddison and I made the TOO QUICK drive to the Vets office. I just wanted to turn the car around and have him for one more day! A week ago he was his playful self. Chasing ball after ball, then diving in the pool. Today he can't see and was weakened by the Lymphoma. Literally overnight. Maddison understands. She always does.

We said our goodbyes to Diego there on the cold vets floor. Hug after hug, and not wanting to let go. Maddison and I left the room and Josh stayed with Diego. And then, Maddison and I cried quietly together while we waited to hear that Diego was in heaven. "He'll be swimming all day and surrounded by tennis balls in heaven" Maddison says. That, I have no doubt.

Maddison and I cried all the way home. Just Diego's collar and leash in hand, with memories in our hearts.

I took a blogging break over the summer. Too much going on. Too much chaos. Changes. Stress. I had no interest in anything Diabetes related. I was too overwhelmed. I took a Diabetes break per say, Diabetes took the backseat. I thought Id come back to blogging this time having good things to say. Maybe having something interesting to say about Diabetes life. Maybe some inspirational words for others out there that know what this life is like. I dont know what happened to those days. Lately, Im anything but inspirational. More like depressing. So, Im taking another blog break. If you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say it. Im sticking with that......

ACTH results

My ACTH results came back perfectly fine. :) I started on thyroid medication today, so I am hopeful I will start to feel like my own energetic self soon. I need to have a "Diabetic clearance" done before surgery, which will be a lobectomy of the right thyroid gland for biopsy. OUCH. I'll update soon.

Not So Good

I went into my surgical appointment today expecting a simple plan to schedule a Fine Needle Biopsy on my Thyroid...but what I got wasnt so simple.

Problem #1 is that my "complex peripheral echogenic cyst" is over 4cm in size. Thats huge by thyroid standards. I knew my neck and throat feel enlarged, but I didnt expect the size. My options are to have the needle biopsy (which the surgeon recommends) or go ahead and skip straight to removing the right side of my thyroid gland altogether to rid the chances of the needle biopsy coming back inconclusive or missing a cancer diagnosis. (which my Endo recommends) CANCER didnt really make sense until I read the top of my ultrasound report that says....

REASON FOR EXAM:
FATIGUE, HYPERCALCEMIA, DIABETES

Ummm.....whats that? HYPERCALCEMIA? Thats a new diagnosis Ive never been told I have.......

So, we are looking at several things here....Hyperthyroidism that is causing the high blood calcium (why are we not treating this yet if we KNOW I have it!!??)) or it could be Parathyroid Disease, Adrenal failure (Addisons Disease) or at worst, malignancy somewhere in my body. Yeah. Not so good. Still nothing back on my ACTH test (used to determine Adrenal problems) so Im getting a bit irritated just waiting around to hear what the heck we do next. Surgery? FINE, just get it done. I hate waiting. Just tell me what needs to be done and lets get it scheduled!

NOT SO GOOD and definetly NOT SO FUN was the Surgeon deciding to test my vocal chords while I was there. (because my hoarseness) ICK and OUCH. First he "numbed" my vocal chords by squirting something into my nose and letting the liquid drain into my throat. ICK. Then came the OUCH. "Oh-so-carefully" he fished a small tube into my nose and down my throat. (insert gag here) Vocal Chords? Apparently they are just fine. But OUCH! My throat feels all scraped up and irritated now!

"Not so good" can still turn out to be A-OK. Keep your fingers crossed and your prayers coming!

Surprised

Maddison had her 3 month Endo appointment today. I was surprised to hear her A1c was 6.9% since all summer I backed down from micromanaging. Summer was a long relief from chasing numbers, I seriously think summer is what maintains my sanity. School is back in session and numbers need ALOT of work. Day 1 Maddison was perfect. Day 2 she was low. Day 3 she was high, followed by day 4 of highs and day 5of lows. Gotta HATE Diabetes!

Last night I was up every hour correcting Maddison's crazy highs. Moderate ketones. Site change. Insulin change. Tummy aches. Large ketones. It was a Diabetes Hell night. The worry sets in. You start to feel panicky inside wondering if THIS is the time DKA will sneek in. Nothing I did would bring down those numbers, or rid the ketones. Not even an injection of some super fast acting Apidra. Somehow after 7am the ketones disappeared. Just like that. Tonight, Im just hoping for some sleep with numbers that behave!

Dr D mentioned she thinks Maddison needs to go Inpatient for a growth hormone evaluation, AFTER I get my own issues straightened out. -Sigh- Tomorrow I have my surgical consult. Im not looking forward to it! The we move on to Maddison's testing.....

Our furry Diego is losing his vision, a complication of the Lymphoma. He seems good otherwise, still wanting to chase his beloved tennis ball all day. The Vet gives him 1-4 weeks at most. :(

The storm

When it rains, it pours. In fact, I was thinking the other day how this entire year has been like a monsoon for our family. Rain, rain, rain. We literally rang in the new year fighting for my Dads life in ICU. I really expected and hoped the rest of the year would turn around. So far its been nothing but frustrating and overwhelming in SO many different ways.

Today my Thyroid Ultrasound results came back. Not so good. I still have multi-nodules, but this time one particular mass is questionable, especially because I am now leaning towards Hyperthyroid. I see a Surgeon for consult on Tuesday. I'm actually not worried about the result of the biopsy itself since thyroid nodules are so common. Im more worried about the darn anesthesia! I never recover well from surgery, and I certainly dont look forward to adding a new (HIGHLY VISABLE) scar to my ever growing surgical collection!

Nothing back yet on my ACTH test, which is fine with me because I already think I know what the result is. I dont need anymore heart ache right now anyway. Dr D said it usually takes about a week to get those results, so, we wait.

Today Diego's Vet appointment was unfortunaetly exactly what I feared. I mentioned Lymphoma to the Vet and she said that is exactly what she would suspect. She tried to sound hopeful, but she ended up saying "Im so sorry" nearly 10 times before the exam was finished. She knows as well as I do. She just cant say it until the lab work comes back. I understand that.

It could be that Diego has Valley Fever or some infection, but its highly unlikely. Once Lymphoma has spread to every Lymph node (which the exam showed it has) it is considered stage 5 with a prognosis of 2 months at best. -Sigh- You just dont believe it when he is so seemingly fine! Denial anyone? When we were leaving the vets office she brought me information on K9 Lymphoma. Enough said. Tomorrow they will call with his blood work results. And then, we will have to make a the toughest decision.......

From Chasing Numbers

Hannah and Diego in 2006

The good news of the day? HANNAH MADE THE JV VOLLEYBALL TEAM AT SCHOOL!!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!!! Always a silver lining when all you see is darkness :)

Testing, School... and my furry "D"

I finally got my ACTH test over with today! It was a piece of cake! My biggest worry of course was fasting since I recently started Apidra and have had numbers all over the place. Well, yesterday I said GOOD RIDDANCE to the Apidra and went back on my beloved Novolog. Apidra just isnt for me. Too many lows right after eating and highs after the 2nd hour. Who wants to screw around with adjusting a new insulin when Novolog works miracles for me!?

I woke up at 113 this morning then checked my sugars every hour until the ACTH test was done. I saw 118, 116, 114, and 101 staring back on my meter screen :) YAY! The injected cortisol didnt screw with my numbers! It did however, make me nauseated. And, my Nurse was a chatter box which gave me a headache. BUT, she knew I was DYING for my morning coffee so she gave me a to go cup of coffee RIGHT AFTER TESTING!! I also learned her sister was T1 dx at age 12, so it was nice to know she KINDA understood my worries of going low during testing. Bad news is, I also heard all about her sisters D complications and struggles with severe lows!! :(

School. UGH. Maddison's numbers are starting to go a bit bonkers at school. Maybe I decreased her bolus by too much today (-.2) because of yesterdays 58 just 1.5hrs after breakfast. Today she was 231 for her first check, then 213....good by lunch time and great the remainder of the day. UNTIL after dinner when she crashed. Now she's sleeping with the CGM blaring alarms for a 268 with one up arrow. FABULOUS. Here we go....back are the sleepless nights of highs and chasing school numbers!!

My furry "D"

From Foster Bird

Diego or "D" our Golden, is looking older everyday. He'll be 9 in December and we have had him since he was 6wks old. He drives us BONKERS because he is OBSESSED with playing ball. The other day I found 2 golf ball size masses on his neck in his Lymph node area. They werent there a week ago. Infection? Maybe Diabetes? He's lost a ton of weight although he drinks and eats like crazy. Diabetes would be easy....but Im pretty darn sure he has Lymphoma. Needless to say, Im devastated. I already mentioned to the kids that things dont look good. Then, today I caught his eyes in the light. He has blood pooling (internally) inside the bottom of both eyes. Thats known as Hyphema, and shows up when other things systemically are not good. So, tomorrow Im taking Diego in to see the vet, even though he seems perfectly fine in every other way. He still played ball all day today and enjoyed his evening walk. Maybe Im wrong. I'm hoping Im wrong. I know in my heart that Im right. My poor Diego. My kids will be devastated, I already am.

The first day and CATS!

This morning my Hannah was off to start her new school year as a FRESHMAN!! I still cant believe it. Really. I do believe this is why Im entering a mid-life crisis! How can I have a child in high school!!??
Dont let her shy look trick you.

Maddison was excited for her first day of 4th grade today.
She was up early and ready to go. Maddison always likes the first month of school, then it goes downhill from there. I'm determined that this school year will NOT be the same. We meet next week to review her IEP and if I have to get mean and ugly I will. As I said....this year will NOT be the same. They WILL hear me. :)

Im shocked to say that Maddison's blood sugars were PERFECT all day today for back to school! Im amazed. Thankful. Did I already say amazed? Nothing under 100 and nothing over 150. Thats about as good as it gets. I was SOOOO happy when I saw her numbers come home. My Maddison got to enjoy her day WITHOUT Diabetes invading!! Now, lets hope this continues. I'm not expecting it to by any means, Im happy to even take the one good day I can get!

Maddison does have the CGM on since yesterday but its been useless since last night. The high alarms went off at midnight, 1am, 2am, and 4am. Yes, Maddison was too high in the low 200's but the CGM was off by over 70pts saying she was nearly in the 300's. I didnt get much sleep to say the least. The CGM caught up by this morning being accurate within 5pts, but was off by 70pts again midmorning. After school the CGM was back to within 20pts of her fingerpokes, so hopefully tonight I can trust it. We shall see.

Cats and Kittens? Ahhhhh yes.....Last week Maddison started to volunteer at a Kitten/Cat rescue just blocks from our home! BLISTERED WHISKERS. Maddison has never been THIS excited. Maddison is still volunteering at the bird rescue too, so she has been kept very busy. We have spent HOURS at the rescue every day because they are short of volunteers. Its a disgusting messy job to care for hundreds of kittens in cages, but the place itself is amazingly clean and organized. Maddison and I have worked our butts off trying to keep these kitties cages clean! One day Maddison should know I do this for HER!! :) Of course, the best part of volunteering is being able to love the kitties when all they want is someone to love them and hold them. I guess I can forget all the hard (GRoSS) work we do when I see the kitties getting some play time and happiness in their caged up family-less lives. Its heartbreaking. I'm addicted. I'm turning into a crazy cat lady!

I think of these kitties now every morning and just want to get them cleaned up and get them out for play time! You should see how they appreciate your love. There is nothing like a shelter pet!