Results

Maddison's lab work came back surprisingly fine, Dr D was shocked. We can't understand how her Thyroid levels are good, despite her symptoms and weight gain. We were both sure the problem laid within the Thyroid. Its good to hear Maddison's HDL (good cholesterol) is 90, which in my understanding means she is "protected" as far as a heart health where Diabetes is concerned. THANK GOD. We are still waiting for Maddison's bone age result....in years past Maddison's bone age was delayed by almost 3 years. No surprise since she was considered "failure to thrive" starting at age 5 months. (I was breast feeding after having masses removed that minimized milk production!)

So, here we are back to square one. No antibodies for Celiac either. BUT, Dr D and I discussed the need for an Endoscopy because Maddison never follows the books and never has shown any Diabetes antibodies either. -Sigh- I called to schedule the scope right after speaking to Dr D. Not a fun way to start your summer!

All the symptoms Maddison has are NOT normal. Tiredness, a decreased mental work capacity, weakened concentration and memory, irritability and depression. Dental enamel defects....Stomach aches, headaches, constipation, skin irritations....All symptoms point to Celiac but I cant help but hope maybe its something easier. Maybe Maddison has a vitamin deficiency? That would be much easier to handle than Celiac, for sure. So, here I am today feeling more confused than ever. I was hoping to find an answer so we could correct the issue and move forward. -Sigh-

Feeling It

Ok, big breath. Big realization. I'm hoping I'm mostly over my drama of emotions related to swimming, a cure and every other topic that blogging Diabetes week has brought to surface. I think I'm done crying now. I can really drown myself in the emotions! It took me some time to realize why I'm so dang emotional and teary eyed this week. (Besides STILL waiting for lab results) D blogging week has left me feeling so many different emotions all bundled into one! (on top of PMS which always makes me crazy) I was continually enlightened all week when reading other posts on D blogging week. Uplifted, encouraged, I never imagined I could feel so surrounded by others that live this very same life! I've had to think ALOT about Diabetes this week. I've read ALOT about so many others lives with this disease. Bitter sweet. Very bittersweet.

I must say, what really triggered my emotions was "Diabetes snapshots" on day 6 of blog week. SEEING Diabetes as a visual....it just did me in. Traci, when I saw this picture of Zane @ diagnosis I lost it. Really. All the emotions of Diabetes that we bury as parents came bursting out. I dont know how you do it! I don't know how Moms handle D in such young children! You are all AMAZINGLY strong women!! I cannot tell you how many times I think about how fortunate we are that Maddison was diagnosed older, at age 6 with Diabetes. We also were blessed to avoid DKA and catch Diabetes early. I can't imagine what someone goes through hearing your babies were in DKA, so close to death. My heart aches for every child with Diabetes. The younger ones....the tiny ones..... It sickens me. I cant imagine Diabetes in toddlers or babies, I just CANT.

And then Chasiti....your picture of Alivia's diagnosis...I can see she's strapped on an ambulance stretcher arriving in the ER. My heart just shattered.
I hear the stories all the time. Addy's diagnosis story still haunts me too. SEEING these pictures and knowing how that day felt for both you as the parents and the child....its been too much for me to take in without a serious purge of pent up emotions. So, purge I did. I've cried alot since Diabetes snapshots on Saturday. I've cried for all the kids with Diabetes. All the Moms, the Dads, the Sisters and Brothers, the families. We all know Diabetes effects the whole family. I've cried for myself. For the adults. For my Maddison. For my Dad. Oh, how Diabetes week has resurfaced the loss of my Dad. I've cried it all out, and now I feel better, time to move on. Thank you KARENfor bringing us D blog week!

A Cure

Dream a little dream about Life After A Cure. To wrap up Diabetes Blog Week, let’s pretend a cure has been found. We are all given a tiny little pill to swallow and *poof* our pancreases are back in working order. No side effects. No more insulin resistance. No more diabetes. Tell us what your life is now like. Or take us through your first day celebrating life without the Big D. Blog about how you imagine you would feel if you no longer were a Person With Diabetes.

OK, so....now I'm crying like a baby. After the MOST difficult swimming day/night yesterday, I'm a freaking MESS. I can't gather my emotions. I'm angry. I'm tired. I'm scared. That post is to follow, a Cure? This really hurts my heart right about now. I want SO badly to stop this crazy disease. SO BADLY. Today more than ever. Let me begin to imagine how "easy" and carefree life would again be with a CURE.....

Oh my Sweet Maddison....I would never again tell you to stop swimming. NEVER AGAIN. You could swim your heart out. No glucose tabs. No juice. No finger pokes. I'd sit and watch you swim for hours, WITHOUT worry in my heart. I'd sleep through the night, not fearing you'd have a seizure or never wake up come morning. I'd no longer dread birthday parties, jumpies or trampolines. I'd love them as every parent should. You'd get to go to sleep overs with your friends without a second thought. You'd never come inside after running with your friends because you feel sick when a low sends you crashing to the ground. You'd just play like all the rest. Without lows.

Never again would a simple cold bring so much pain and hurting to your body. No more 200's, 300's or HI's just because your body cant fight illness like everyone else. No more site changes in the middle of the night. No more vomiting because ketones take over. No more crying after you've had one of those days that you are tired of it all. No more swollen eyes for me when I cry all night FOR YOU. No more climbing in bed because your blood sugars have been running high and you have no energy left after school.

We'd have the biggest party EVER. We would dance. You could eat anything you wanted, without having to ask me first. No more pump attached to your body. No more stares from curious eyes. No more mean comments from strangers. I'd never again set an alarm for every hour or two in the night or wee hours of morning. I'd be worry free. Free from the pain in my heart that haunts me when I think about the possibility of complications in your future. Free from the guilt I feel when something goes wrong. A Cure? Life would be carefree again, and my heart would again be whole.

When Swimming Isnt Planned

Yesterday we had just returned home after volunteering when Maddison felt low. 80. Not really low, but time to eat lunch. No plans the rest of the afternoon. Fed lunch as Maddison eyeballed the left over cookies from Paradise Bakery. A good time to add a cookie to the mix, so I bolus 50c for the GIANT Snickerdoodle. Then someone is knocking at the door. My heart stops. I know that knock. Its Maddison's BFF across the street. My mind starts racing!! OH NO!!! THEY WANT MADDISON TO COME SWIM!!! Seriously, I do believe my heart stopped. Maddison was lowish but now has 4.1 units active and wants to SWIM. SWIM!!!

Can I PLEASE just say NO to swimming? Can we PLEASE just wait until that lunch insulin bolus is worn off? No, not really. Life happens now. So, Maddison hits the pool with her buddies at 168. 4.1 units active. GASP. 27c of Capri Sun like all the other girls have...a super sugary cookie was JUST eaten....she SHOULD be good for an hour right? Not so much.

Maddison was 68 30 min later....with all that active insulin!!! I dont know what it is about swimming. Is it the dual action of arms and legs at one time? Is it the cardio of swimming laps? If we knew Maddison planned to swim I would have bolused FAR LESS insulin for what she ate, if anything! Insulin is TURBO CHARGED by exercise alone....but swimming? Swimming is our enemy. 15c juice. 82. 4 glucose tabs. 79. Gatorade. 128. Add in some Peanut Butter for staying power. My heart races as I try to look as though I'm not bothered at all by the chaos of numbers headed our way. All I could picture was having to pull Maddison's lifeless body out of the pool in front of her little friends. Insulin that is working just too fast, its DANGEROUS. I'm not being dramatic here people. I ask Maddison to please, sit in the Jacuzzi a few minutes so her BS can come up. (I'm sure the HEAT of the Jacuzzi wasn't in our favor either!) Maddison complained, but agreed. 5 min later she's swept away by her friends pool game and diving back into the pool. UGH.

By now its about 1.5 hours after Maddison ate. You know what that means. The 2hr mark is approaching. 2hrs after dosing insulin is when it starts to "peak" for Maddison. Meaning....insulin is working its hardest and fastest to bring blood sugar down. I'm watching with overwhelming stress as Maddison swim laps with her friends, playing some kind of crazy game that girls play. Maddison is having a blast, but soon enough my Diabetes radar says she is looking a bit drained. 54. At the 2hr mark. Where the HELL did her lunch and cookie go!!??

4 glucose tabs. 15c of juice. Gatorade and another 27c Capri Sun. My mind is picturing that 54 plummeting to a 24 or a 14. I want to puke at this point. I sit and chit chat with the neighbors instead, even though I really want to cry. I want to scream. I feel a lump in my throat. And then, all the girls climb out of the pool and decide swim time is done. I COULDNT BE HAPPIER!! THANK GOD!! Now off to play in the Cul-de-sac. 90 with .8 active.

WHY CANT MY GIRL JUST SWIM WITHOUT THIS FEAR?!! WITHOUT DIABETES TAKING OVER!!?? WHY!!?? Swim team is fast approaching. Lesson learned, no active insulin can be working when Maddison steps foot into that pool for training. If only it were that easy. If only Diabetes followed some kind of rules.

Maddison trended low all night last night even with a reduced basal rate and super protein rich snack. I wanted to crawl under the covers and cry. Well, I did actually...after setting my alarm for every two hours. All the what ifs. What if I didnt catch those lows while Maddison was swimming? What if our night was spent hooked up to a D5 drip in the ER? What if Maddison seized while swimming and DROWN? That is a very sad reality for me right now. It could have happened. It could. If I didnt catch those lows, it would have.

Swim team. Maddison wants to swim, and I cant say no just because Diabetes is there. Its up to me to figure it out. Its up to me to manage this. Its up to me to catch the lows. Is it wrong that I feel totally overwhelmed right now? Angry? Fearful? I can plan for swimming, yes. But that doesn't mean Maddison will be safe. That doesnt mean Diabetes will cooperate or even be predictable.

I'm not sure how the whole swim team thing goes. I know Maddison will "train" Monday through Thursday, a straight hour of lap training. I could slap on the CGM. I WILL slap on the CGM...but what am I supposed to do? Walk up and down the pool side while she swims her laps trying to keep the pump near the sensor so it doesn't lose communication? I don't want to have to stop her from swimming in front of all the other kids to check her blood sugar. I don't want to have to make her chew glucose tabs and ask her to stop swimming because she is low. I just want her to swim damn it! I don't want to run her in the 300's and cause damage to her body to assure she is safe from lows. I might just have to. Then again, if she's too high she can't compete well. She won't have the energy to swim her best. Diabetes is SO NOT FAIR.

And the day of the swim meet? Double the gawking eyes. PLEASE stop staring at my child when I poke her fingers. PLEASE stop staring at her pump site that's all wrapped in super sticky plastic tapes for swimming. PLEASE stop staring at the CGM attached just the same. PLEASE stop whispering behind my back. PLEASE don't give me your advice. PLEASE don't ask me stupid questions, because in the midst of all my worry I really might SNAP.

Swim meet day. Double the swim time. Double the stress and worry. Double the possibility of a low. I don't want to be that parent that pulls their child's lifeless body from the pool. I don't even want to think about that. But I cant stop the worry, the REAL possibility of what blood sugars may do on a day of swimming for multiple hours during competition. And...what will blood sugars do all the hours that follow?

I know people with Diabetes are athletes. I know people with Diabetes join swim teams, soccer, gymnastics, whatever the sport.... and do just fine. I know eventually you figure out what works and what doesn't. BUT. IT. WILL. REALLY. REALLY. SUCK. UNTIL. WE. GET. THERE.

Blog Week Day 6

Today is day 6....Diabetes snap shots! My FAVORITE!!!



OUR FIRST VIDEO CLICK HERE TO WATCH!!MY FAVORITE ONE!!














And THAT my friends, is Diabetes snapshots!

One of THOSE Mornings!

Today was one of those mornings, starting at the weeeeeee hours of Midnight of course! Yesterday evening I slapped on the CGM because I’ve been running way higher than is normal for me. Maybe it’s the stress of waiting to hear Maddison’s lab results? Maybe it’s the stress of imagining all kinds of terrible diseases waiting to be uncovered? (I’m guessing Maddie has a GH defiecieny, Hypothyroid or Celiac) So anyway, I need the CGM right about now. I got my first high blood sugar alarm (I set it at 180) just after I fell asleep after tossing and turning at 11pm. 268. WTF? I corrected and set my alarm for 1am since Maddison needed to be re-checked then anyway. Next thing I know its 12:30am and my pump is in a mad vibration alert with ALL the alarm bells ringing. 288. You get the deal. The CGM alarmed two more times between the normal alarm times for me to check Maddison. The cat must have been attracted to the alarms because he wouldnt stop pouncing on my feet! I’m tired and I’m grumpy today!

I really never know where one day ends and another begins I guess. Maddison woke up complaining about everything. I know you must think I complain all the time and Maddison gets it from me since I’m always a complaining blogger. Truth is, I don’t tolerate it in my house. Maddison can *sometimes* be talked out of her grumpiness by conversating about the things she loves, like her pets, Science or nature stuff. Today she was just mean and rolled her eyes at my efforts. –Sigh-

Nothing seemed to work right. All the little things. We were out of bread. How can you make Maddison’s daily PB sandwich without bread? On field day! The CGM showed a spike to 289 after my morning coffee. The cat ran outside and we couldn’t catch him, which caused the kids to be late for school. Maddison refused to eat her breakfast after being bolused, so I had to feed her Goldfish to get her to school on time. I got leg cramps while hiking on the treadmill, so I had to stop. My cell phone rang and my heart skipped several beats because I thought it was the Doctor calling with Maddison’s lab results. I got dizzy. Nope, not the call I’ve been waiting for, it was Hannah asking me to print a paper and bring it to school when I leave for work. That’s a whole nother issue in itself, Hannah and homework! The printer ran out of ink half way through. The cat chewed on plant and now I’m worried he will be poisoned. My Cgm continued to alarm. Jehovas Witness were knocking at the door AGAIN which made the dogs go bonkers and the birds squawk.

When I ran the papers to school, field day was happening. A Fire truck was blocking the parking lot which made me worry about Maddison. Which made me HATE Diabetes. I had to park a mile away! Then I got stuck behind a street sweeper which made me late for work. I had a phone meeting scheduled with our head doctor, and my pen wouldn’t work. TWICE. Doctors don’t like to repeat themselves! Then I was low while trying to process everything he was telling me. I must have sounded totally incapable! Its
11am and I’m still worried about my Maddison, not only because its field day, but because I know something is going on inside that little body of hers. I’m sure it is “just Celiac or “just her thyroid” but it still SUCKS. SUCKS and makes me want to cry for her! I’m HOPING it wont be one of these days ALL day!

Let’s get moving. Today's topic for blog week is EXERCISE!!!

“Exercise . . . love it or hate it? Do you have a regular exercise routine? Or do you have trouble finding your exercise motivation? How do you manage your insulin and food to avoid bottoming out during your workout?”

Did you know that my crazy house cleaning frenzies cause lows that come on quicker and last longer than time spent on the treadmill? Yard work? Yard work = killer lows for me. I think cleaning and yard work = exercise doesn't it? Luckily I've learned to to sip some OJ while I zoom around. Works every time!

I do LOVE my exercise! If I could walk or hike all day I would. My motivation is my iPod, all I need is a little music most days. Of course there are the lazy days or the bored days. All I gotta do is skip a days work out to realize the slow and tired feeling I have without it SUCKS and is a total DRAG. Gets me back to motivated every time. The way my clothes fit are motivating too. When my clothes get a little too tight its a reminder that my body NEEDS exercise to be healthy and slim. Seeing the results.....thats pretty motivating.

I sip Gatorade or have a juice box before hopping on the treadmill. That usually works perfectly for the time DURING the workout. Lately however, I'm back to running too high (130-240's all day) since PMS has decided to ENTIRELY change my insulin needs since my honeymoon ended in January. I still don't quite have PMS week figured out, especially when it comes to during the exercise and after. It used to be I'd have to reduce my basal rate by 50% for 8 hours and bolus HALF my carbs. I didnt even bolus for fruit back in the "easy" D days. That isn't working so well anymore! I cant seem to get my basals or the ratios right lately. So, I CGM to help manage my numbers. Seeing the trends are priceless, especially over night. I'm just coming back from a 3 week break of the CGM....but things are getting crazy with exercise and Diabetes again so the CGM is slapped back on as of last night. Cgm=145 meter=139 That's close enough me for!