Normal

I got a call from my GYN today.....all my labs result are back, and they are all within normal limits. Even my Cervical Biopsy :) Now I just wait for Consult with the right Surgeon. My GYN expects the Surgeon (Pelvic Specialist) will need to do a Laparotomy which will REALLY suck in comparison to the typical Hysterectomy. Now that I know my labs are all fine (I swore the CA125 was going to be BAD news) maybe I can actually sleep tonight. I think I stared at the ceiling for a straight 6 hours last night in between Maddie's night checks. My over active mind just wouldnt sleep!

So the questions begin.....How the hell am I supposed to spend 3-5 days in the hospital when I have two kids (and a home) that need me, and a Husband who can't (financially) afford to take time off? Which brings me to realize, I will need about three weeks off work to recover ((no pay for me either)) yet the Hospital bills will pour in regardless of our ability to pay them. We pay 20% of InPatient hospitalization.... That 20% doesn't include our percentage for labwork done during my stay either. It also doesnt include the 20% of Physician Services (the fee each Specialist will bill every time they see you during your stay) and it doesnt include Xrays, MRI's, CT scans or other procedures. etc. Basically we will have medical bills from the Anesthesiologist, Pathologist, Surgeon, Hospitalist, GYN, Endocrinologist, and anyone else I may have to see. Our insurance coverage is pretty much as shitty as Medicare. Josh really just cant take more than a day or two off work. Laparotomy? There goes my mid section! Ewwwwwww.....

What are my blood sugars going to do when my Ovaries are ripped out? Is that going to freak out my Thyroid again? Who is going to manage my numbers when I cant? (Im still in denial that someone else will be in control) Do I go back onto Lantus? If I divide my current 6.90 units of basal by 24hrs to get my Lantus dose, thats only around 3 units! SERIOUSLY? I think if they choose to start me on an insulin drip for a few days they just may kill me. It seriously FREAKS ME OUT to think someone else (or a "sliding scale") will be in control of my Diabetes. REALLY. FREAKS. ME. OUT. Need I remind you that TWICE my Dads Insulin drip was ordered OFF during his last hospital stay because "he wasnt eating" and they didn't even know what TYPE of Diabetes he had? YEAH. The whole being hospitalized with D freaks me the hell out!

Sure, my Cervix biopsy and labs came back fine....but what if they get in there and DO find Cancer of my Ovaries or Uterus? Why do I have this pain and swelling in my Pelvic Lymph nodes down to my knees? No one has answered that question yet. Isn't that a big concern? What if I end up with complications and a ridiculous hospital stay? What if one problem turns into another and another....just like we experienced with my Dad? What if they don't catch my lows? What if the chaos of surgery throws me into DKA or a Thyroid Storm? The "what if's" are pure torture. The waiting is torture. I just want to get this over with. QUICKLY.