I'm S-L-O-W-L-Y making it over this terrible, no good, constantly tired, lazy, CRAZY, emotional SLUMP Ive been TRAPPED in since MAY. YEP. That long. This has been the worst one by far my friends.
Summer is crazy. No routine isn't so good for Me or Maddison. My Thyroid went wacky at just the same time, causing me to be a physical mess. TIRED. Nothing but tired without any motivation or energy. I lost 12 lbs, and hit my LOWEST weight EVER since I was 15 years old!! (112 lbs people!!) Not good!! My numbers ran lowish all day, and too high most nights. Nothing made sense with my numbers (Hyperthyroid) so I didnt change anything. My A1c hit the highest ever, 7.0 and I was in total burnout mode with Diabetes. For both Maddison and me. It has REALLY sucked.
Oh well. THE SLUMP is coming to an end and all I can do now is move forward.
Im 4 weeks post my Thyroid Lobectomy and I actually feel alive again. No more Zombie mode. My labs were drawn last week and everything came back just fine with the new Thyroid medication and removal of the problem nodule. My energy and motivation is getting better. Too slow for my liking, but better. Every day I'm still fighting to stay awake at my desk job and fighting the urge to collapse into bed when I come home. Its weird and I hate it. This isnt ME!
Maddison and I started volunteering at a kitten rescue about 2 months ago, so that has helped to get me up and out of the house everyday...even when I didnt feel like it and just wanted to hide. I tell ya, having to keep Maddison busy and happy is the only thing that has kept me half way normal these past few months!
My emotional state isn't Diabetes related for once! I have alot going on, besides my thyroid issues. Mid-life crisis I believe! I'm S-L-O-W-L-Y accepting the fact that my Hannah is in High school. -Sigh- I haven't quite excepted that boys REALLY like girls who are on the Volleyball team. Im still shocked at every game to hear the boys around us talking about the girls on the court. THAT'S MY "HOT" DAUGHTER MISTER BOY FROM THE FOOTBALL TEAM!!! Ugh. Stress these days comes from my teenager, NOT Diabetes. Im not sure if thats a better thing or not!! And Maddison? Ohhhhhhh I remember how things changed when Hannah turned 10. The moment Maddison blew out those 10 candles in August our relationship got very complicated.
Maddison....OH-MY-SWEET-MADDISON. Oh how you make my life so much more complicated than it has to be. SCHOOL. The school HATRED is back. Every year I say this school year will be better. Every year it starts out well, then by September the shit hits the fan. Well, this year the shit hit the fan just 5 days after school started. I dont like the age of 10! Suddenly my sweet Maddison who is always so cooperative and sun-shiny has turned into a gremlin. She doesnt even think I know everything anymore! ACK! Where did my baby go? Talk about difficult!
Every day with Maddison and school is a battle. Every day she complains. Every day she says "IM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL!" and sometimes she hides. Long story short....on top of Maddison's "normal" hatred of school she is totally overwhelmed academically in 4th grade. We didnt start the year with her IEP in standing since I was NIEVE enough to think this year would be different. So, I met with the Principal and we immediately got Maddison back to following the IEP guidelines, which meant Maddison would receive Resource help with Math and Spelling. (Maddison has a high/average IQ and no one can seem to pinpoint a learning disorder!!!) By now the teacher thinks Maddison is just a spoiled brat that refuses to do her work because she walks all over us. Im sure she thinks we treat her differently because the Diabetes....thats a whole 'nother story!!
Maddison is a child that has been left BEHIND every single year because we have to babysit the freaking teachers to make sure HER needs are being met. To make sure they follow her IEP. To make sure she is actually getting the help they say she is. Its exhausting. Its draining. Somehow we make it through each school year, just BARELY. This MaMa Bear is about to be heard. Hear me ROAR. Mark those words. Maddison is set to be re-evaluated in all areas...THIS will be the year they FINALLY see she WILL fall behind if nothing changes. HEAR-ME-ROAR.
Back to the SLUMP issue...tonight Im slapping on the CGM. This SLUMP needs a big kick in the ass. My numbers need some work. I feel low at 80. Thats bad. Most of my BS checks reveal a number around 130-200. Not so bad you say? For me it is. I CAN do better with just a little bit of effort. I havent even been trying. Since my dx 5years ago Im LUCKY to be able to maintain an A1c 6.0-6.5. My last 7% is on its way out! So is this terrible, horrible, very bad SLUMP. Hear me ROAR. Ive been knocked down for far too long and its time to get back up....assuming my lymph node biopsy comes back fine!!! I'll blog about that later. Right now I'm ignoring it until my consult next week!!!
Moving my blog again
8 years ago