Saturday, September 18, 2010

The SLUMP

I'm S-L-O-W-L-Y making it over this terrible, no good, constantly tired, lazy, CRAZY, emotional SLUMP Ive been TRAPPED in since MAY. YEP. That long. This has been the worst one by far my friends.

Summer is crazy. No routine isn't so good for Me or Maddison. My Thyroid went wacky at just the same time, causing me to be a physical mess. TIRED. Nothing but tired without any motivation or energy. I lost 12 lbs, and hit my LOWEST weight EVER since I was 15 years old!! (112 lbs people!!) Not good!! My numbers ran lowish all day, and too high most nights. Nothing made sense with my numbers (Hyperthyroid) so I didnt change anything. My A1c hit the highest ever, 7.0 and I was in total burnout mode with Diabetes. For both Maddison and me. It has REALLY sucked.

Oh well. THE SLUMP is coming to an end and all I can do now is move forward.

Im 4 weeks post my Thyroid Lobectomy and I actually feel alive again. No more Zombie mode. My labs were drawn last week and everything came back just fine with the new Thyroid medication and removal of the problem nodule. My energy and motivation is getting better. Too slow for my liking, but better. Every day I'm still fighting to stay awake at my desk job and fighting the urge to collapse into bed when I come home. Its weird and I hate it. This isnt ME!

Maddison and I started volunteering at a kitten rescue about 2 months ago, so that has helped to get me up and out of the house everyday...even when I didnt feel like it and just wanted to hide. I tell ya, having to keep Maddison busy and happy is the only thing that has kept me half way normal these past few months!

My emotional state isn't Diabetes related for once! I have alot going on, besides my thyroid issues. Mid-life crisis I believe! I'm S-L-O-W-L-Y accepting the fact that my Hannah is in High school. -Sigh- I haven't quite excepted that boys REALLY like girls who are on the Volleyball team. Im still shocked at every game to hear the boys around us talking about the girls on the court. THAT'S MY "HOT" DAUGHTER MISTER BOY FROM THE FOOTBALL TEAM!!! Ugh. Stress these days comes from my teenager, NOT Diabetes. Im not sure if thats a better thing or not!! And Maddison? Ohhhhhhh I remember how things changed when Hannah turned 10. The moment Maddison blew out those 10 candles in August our relationship got very complicated.

Maddison....OH-MY-SWEET-MADDISON. Oh how you make my life so much more complicated than it has to be. SCHOOL. The school HATRED is back. Every year I say this school year will be better. Every year it starts out well, then by September the shit hits the fan. Well, this year the shit hit the fan just 5 days after school started. I dont like the age of 10! Suddenly my sweet Maddison who is always so cooperative and sun-shiny has turned into a gremlin. She doesnt even think I know everything anymore! ACK! Where did my baby go? Talk about difficult!

Every day with Maddison and school is a battle. Every day she complains. Every day she says "IM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL!" and sometimes she hides. Long story short....on top of Maddison's "normal" hatred of school she is totally overwhelmed academically in 4th grade. We didnt start the year with her IEP in standing since I was NIEVE enough to think this year would be different. So, I met with the Principal and we immediately got Maddison back to following the IEP guidelines, which meant Maddison would receive Resource help with Math and Spelling. (Maddison has a high/average IQ and no one can seem to pinpoint a learning disorder!!!) By now the teacher thinks Maddison is just a spoiled brat that refuses to do her work because she walks all over us. Im sure she thinks we treat her differently because the Diabetes....thats a whole 'nother story!!

UM NO.....

Maddison is a child that has been left BEHIND every single year because we have to babysit the freaking teachers to make sure HER needs are being met. To make sure they follow her IEP. To make sure she is actually getting the help they say she is. Its exhausting. Its draining. Somehow we make it through each school year, just BARELY. This MaMa Bear is about to be heard. Hear me ROAR. Mark those words. Maddison is set to be re-evaluated in all areas...THIS will be the year they FINALLY see she WILL fall behind if nothing changes. HEAR-ME-ROAR.

Back to the SLUMP issue...tonight Im slapping on the CGM. This SLUMP needs a big kick in the ass. My numbers need some work. I feel low at 80. Thats bad. Most of my BS checks reveal a number around 130-200. Not so bad you say? For me it is. I CAN do better with just a little bit of effort. I havent even been trying. Since my dx 5years ago Im LUCKY to be able to maintain an A1c 6.0-6.5. My last 7% is on its way out! So is this terrible, horrible, very bad SLUMP. Hear me ROAR. Ive been knocked down for far too long and its time to get back up....assuming my lymph node biopsy comes back fine!!! I'll blog about that later. Right now I'm ignoring it until my consult next week!!!

6 comments:

Tracy (The Crazy Pancreas) said...

I am so happy to hear you are climbing out of your slump! I know it has been a tough few months for you and we have ALL missed you!

I am sorry to hear Maddison has had a hard time with school, again, this year. Get that IEP in place and MAKE them follow it! I hope the testing reveals where she really needs the help.

Umm, Hannah is not supposed to grow up. I am sorry she is anyway and what are those boys thinking? LOL. She will be ok, and so will you. HS is FAR away for me, so I can say that. :-)

If 10 is worse than 3, I am NOT looking forward to it either!


(((HUGS))) my friend!

Gerry S. said...

Wow Kelly, you sure do have a lot of stuff going on. I dont want to sound patronising by saying stuff like hang in there, or it'll get better, so I wont, but I think I just did. My daughter DX at 3.5 jusy started kindergarten and im already getting a little attitude, you are right about asking where our babies go. They grow up way too fast. She just started witht the pump the same week of school which was just crazy to get used to and put 504 plans into effect amongst other things like kits for the nurses room and the classroom.
Take care!!

Reyna said...

"BRING IT" and kick the slumps A**. Good luck on getting the BGs where you would like them and I am looking forward to seeing more posts from you!!! Even if you are still in a little slump it is OK to vent here. We all "get it".

(((HUGS)))

P.S. My daughter Bridget just turned 9 and is in 4th grade...I am seeing all kinds of odd behaviors that are new to me.

Wendy said...

I HAVE MISSED YOU AND I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR YOU ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I've been struggling with some slump myself....not on the same level, but it's getting better.

I'm not sure where I'd be without my blog as an outlet.

I'll be anxiously awaiting your next post, my friend.

Meri said...

I'm praying the slump is O.V.E.R.

Children make life complicated period. I have a plethora of school issues to deal with. I just want to sleep in...hell, I just want to sleep all day and hide from the world! But like you said, we have to keep going for them. To advocate for them and help them grow into (hopefully) repsonsible adults someday! ((HUGS)) to you!

Heidi / D-Tales said...

I have been thinking about you. In fact, I was going to check in and say "hi" on FB, because you've been so quiet lately. And then I saw your post. :)

I'm sorry you've been in such a slump. :( Hooray for moving forward and feeling better!

Good luck with Maddison's school situation! Roar loud!!!