Just one day

THIS one day has been a total relief, Maddison stayed beween 110 and 170 ALL day. Ohhhhhh what ONE day of good numbers can do for a Moms soul!! Highs started two days ago, and they ended today. I flipped Maddison's basals back to what they used to be before lows. It worked! WOW. Tonight I will sleep better because of it.

Sometimes ONE day of progress is all you need to see the light again. One day to see Maddison feeling good without lows or highs does SO much. One day to pick myself back up. One day helps me to prepare mentally for anything that lies ahead. Ohhhh sweet victory.

Todays excuse......

Today's excuse for Maddie's 302 after breakfast......Ummmmm.....The field trip! Yep! The excitement from today's field trip caused Maddison's terrible high. Yep. It sure DIDNT!!! Looks like somethings going on. Imagine that. Dark circles? Yep. Corrections not budging even overnight? Yep. Here we go again.

Lets say goodbye to the lows and hello to the highs. Damn you Diabetes! Can't my Maddison just get a break? Looks like we have the flu in the neighborhood. 6 kids from Maddison's class missed the field trip today for the "flu" and Maddison's best friend across the street has it seriously invading their house. Full blown fevers, chills, coughs, stomach....you name it....its all around us. It just so happens Maddison played over at her best buddies house for many hours this past weekend.......Funny, I think I can see it in her numbers already!! Not so funny, actually!

UGH. Here we go again. If there was ANYTHING I wanted people to know about Diabetes it would be that it NEVER, EVER STAYS THE SAME. It NEVER, EVER gets easier. Sure, we learn more and manage better.....but having the disease itself never really gets easier. It just disappears sometimes, and then comes back to kick you in the arse for awhile. Never fails.

Long night ahead. Now, I wonder how I can stop hitting snooze? Actually, now I'm just turning the alarm off and falling back to sleep. Not good. Its become a VERY bad habit. So much so that last night I only checked Maddison once at 2am. Even though she went to bed at a nice 146, she ended up at 202 by 2am. I corrected, set my alarm for two hours later and then never got back up until morning when I was supposed to!! She was still high. Which, means she started her day too high at 236. I've been kicking myself for that all day, calling myself all kinds of names, like loser and neglectful. Add that to the list of what I want people to know...Diabetes NEVER sleeps....AND, its a horrible guilt trip if a disease!!

Time to adjust some serious basals!

Darn syrup!

I really like to blame low and high blood sugars on something that would make sense. It makes me feel SO much better, so much less responsible, and so much less confused. Yep. I like to blame all sorts of things when Diabetes goes bonkers. I dont like saying those whacked out numbers "just are" for I will always and forever search for the REASON. Lets see.....yesterday Maddison's low was because of over bolused juice. Yep, that could be. Lets blame the over bolus. Never mind the fact that Maddison has had many lows at this same time of day spread out randomly over 5 weeks. Yep. Forget that. Yesterday it was the overbolus. There. Now I feel better!

So today....lets blame the Syrup. Damn you syrup! Maddison was 344 2hrs PP today. OUCH. Today we ran out of our normal 13c SF syrup. Hidden in the back of the pantry I found THIS......



Maddison LOVES this syrup. But, I can tell you from MUCH experience that this syrup is the devil on blood sugar for Maddison, regardless of it saying 1/4c has 4c. Yep, this syrup was HIDDEN in the back of the pantry for a reason. I never figured out what to bolus for it, even after much experimenting months ago. So, HIDDEN it will stay. Heck, after Maddison was 344 today I might just trash it! Funny how some foods just arent what they say!

Sure, maybe it wasn't the syrup that caused Maddison's 344 after breakfast, but I definitely feel better finding a "reason." Of course, with all the weeks past of lows I increased Maddison's correction factor from 220 to 280....so do ya think she ever came down into range today with that newer correction factor? Nope. 344, 314, 299, 249......ACK. Today, lets blame the syrup. Tomorrow.....who knows! When will Diabetes take the back seat again?!!

Good news, my basal rates are set well! Upon arriving at work today I checked my blood sugar. 124. I corrected.....then I see 0.00 units left in the pump resevoir. WHAT!!?? UMMMMMMM.....WHY didnt the pump ever alarm to tell me I was OUT of insulin!!?? Now I'm 30 miles away with NO INSULIN!!! Good time for a basal test I guess!! I suppose I had enough insulin in the tubing to get me through my day, my BS never went up past the 124. 6hours later and time to go home, I was 102. I guess there is always SOME good news. But geez, Diabetes is just a pain in the A$$ lately!!

Yesterdays post/Ratio's set in the pump

I've had several questions left about yesterdays post when I mentioned Maddison was bolused the wrong ratio at school. How does that happen? Well, Maddison and I both have a MM pump. When setting up the ratio's in the pump, you program by hour. So, at 6am Maddison's pump is programmed for a 1:13 ratio for her first meal of the day, which we all know, usually requires more insulin than other meals of the day. That 1:13 ratio does not change until her lunch meal, because normally Maddison does not have an after breakfast snack before lunch. So, at 1030am Maddison's pump ratio is programmed to change to 1:25 and dose accordingly. Yesterday Maddison had juice bolused by the nurse at 9:45, which means, that time of day the ratio in the pump was still 1:13, which means she was overdosed for the juice. Make sense?

Maddison's 1:13 ratio is ONLY for that first meal of the day. Shouldnt I change the time of ratio change in the pump? Maybe. BUT, Maddison should not be having bolused snacks before lunch at school anyway. She wont starve to death from 8-11am!! Yesterday was an unusual day that the nurse gave a snack because it was a PE day. The reason Maddison's pump isnt programmed to change ratio's until 1030am is because on weekends Maddison may not eat breakfast until 9 or 10 am. Therefore, the pump is set around ratio's times that works for us weekdays AND weekends. Do I really want to change ratio times for school and weekends? I'm thinking I would probably forget half the time. Its better off leaving as is, assuming Maddison isnt eating a snack at school. The nurse knows to call me if she is in the future.

Fingers crossed for today. My long drive to work this morning meant I had too much time to second guess changes I made for today! I hate when I second guess! I'm planning to take today one number at a time, thanks to our nurse who will email me each number. If Maddison still comes in lower around lunch I will have the nurse reduce her lunch bolus. This is week 5 of craziness in numbers. I'm just about done playing nice!!

I can't tell what is what!

This weekend was fun filled, yet chaotic. Hannah's school volleyball team participated in "Spike Fest" a Vball tournament for our school district on Friday night for 4 hours and then again Saturday ALL day, 12 hours total. WHEW. Thats alot of Volleyball! Talk about Maddison getting bored! Our school team is a major downer, a big difference from playing "club" volleyball!! I just couldnt watch the games without my blood pressure(and probably blood sugar) exploding from the stress of watching our team play so poorly. Our team was a mess. Oh well, "club" tryouts are coming soon, so Hannah will be back to training with a great team soon before we know it.

Maddison ran in the 180's- 230's all day Saturday after eating so much junk being stuck at Volleyball for so many hours. Thats called, no progress on figuring out numbers :( Yesterday on Sunday Maddison was in range all day until the kids chose to take a late night "swim." Yes, swim. October 4th and the kids insisted the pool was warm enough. I'm guessing the water is now down to around 75 or so, thats COLD for us Arizonians! Their "swim" lasted about 1 minute flat. Two hours later, Maddison was 409. I think we forgot to prime insulin before re-attaching the pump. For some reason, everytime Maddison takes her pump off the insulin pulls back into the tubing leaving a line of bubbles. I dont think the pump should do that!

Back to school today I had NO IDEA what to expect from numbers. I hate Mondays. Monday tends to set the tone for what Diabetes will do THIS week. Of course today was a PE day too, PE is scheduled right when Maddison's breakfast insulin is peaking. FABULOUS. One more variable. WONKY comes in today because the nurse is doing so many WEIRD things, I can't tell what is what!! Today I'm REALLY frustrated. Juice, a snack, PE, bolused the wrong ratio. How the HELL do I actually know what adjustments need to be made when Maddison's snacking and being bolused with the wrong ratio?

8:50am Maddison is 169 2hrs PP w/ .8 active (Nurse gave 15c juice just because she felt like it)

9:32am After PE Maddison was 139 w/.5 active (Good thing the nurse gave 15c of juice earlier!) Maddison "wanted" more juice, so the nurse let her have ANOTHER juice!!!! She bolused 15c for the juice, using the WRONG 1:13 breakfast ratio instead of the correct 1:25 ratio for AFTER breakfast eating. Also gave 6c PB crackers unbolused. Now.....lets see. Maddison was 139 with .5 active.....she technically shouldnt have been bolused for that juice, and yet it was ALSO the wrong ratio. Seems to me this is where the problem started, even though you wont see the low until after lunch.

11am lunchtime, Maddison was 182 with .3 active, which if I go by my knowledge, means Maddison would be too low by the time the .3 wears off. (Her daytime ISF is 280right now) SO, does this mean the WRONG snack bolus actually caused the low later after lunch? I'm thinking so!!! No wonder Maddison was 42 just 1.5 hours after lunch! I wonder what tomorrow will bring? My orders for tomorrow? No juice because Maddison's thirsty, and no eating just because she's hungry. She wont starve to death from breakfast to lunch! I cant tell what the hell is going on when Maddison's getting juice and snacks every hour! Of course, if Maddison comes in low tomorrow we just LATHER*RINSE*REPEAT the same damn chaos.

Sometimes the numbers run together. Sometimes you just can't tell what is what. Last year we dealt with crazy highs when school started, this year, its crazy lows. I've begun to wonder if Diabetes was "easier" back in the day. No multiple shots, and certainly no different ratios for different times of day. No 15 finger pokes a day. No "micromanaging" with expectations that drive a parent crazy. Good range was considered anything under 200, today we strive for under 130. There wasn't any eating whatever and whenever you want. I know for ME, I would lose a couple pounds AND have less highs if I wasn't able to just push a button and bolus for whatever I want. Of course we are fortunate to have these types of advancements in managing Diabetes. Sometimes, though, I just wonder. Its an awful lot of work, still, without promises.

IEP Meeting, Shocking as Always!

Within the first few minutes of our IEP meeting the other day, I was SHOCKED. SHOCKED. SHOCKED. Maddison is "no longer eligible" for an IEP, per Maddison's case manager. This is based on the fact that Maddison is no longer in need of any "services" for her "emotional disturbances" in school, related to her Diabetes. Say what? What emotional disturbances? Ohhhhh.....where to start.

Basically, our school wants to transition Maddison from her IEP to a 504 because her Psych reviews this year is expected to show that her "emotional disturbances" have apparently vanished off the face of the planet. Hmmm....maybe that has to do with the fact that her teacher this year is capable? Caring? Doesn't humiliate her in front of the class? FIRST, let me say, I was completely thrown off by Maddison being labeled as an "Emotionally Disturbed" child. The criteria for "ED" is this:

(A) An inability to learn that cannot be explained by intellectual, sensory, or health factors.

(B) An inability to build or maintain satisfactory interpersonal relationships with peers and teachers.

(C) Inappropriate types of behavior or feelings under normal circumstances.

(D) A general pervasive mood of unhappiness or depression.

(E) A tendency to develop physical symptoms or fears associated with personal or school problems.

Ummmm, yes this WAS Maddison for a short time last year. But....Ummmm.....NO. Maddison is not an ED child!! She was a child that had a CRAZY teacher that made her feel like a nuisance to the class!!! I could explain all day. I wont. Last year was HARD for Maddison. It wasn't HER issue, but how her teacher and tough times with Diabetes made her FEEl.

Oh MY. MY understanding last year when Maddison qualified for an IEP was that she qualified because she was considered "at risk" for falling behind in class because of her Diabetes affecting cognitive learning ability and missed class time affects her ability to complete all assignments timely. Isnt that why she would be eligible for an IEP? WELL.... only one area of extensive testing (last year) showed Maddison struggling academically, so, we proceeded to write the IEP for OHI, with OHI being Diabetes of course. Or, so I thought! The IEP was written around Maddison's Psych testing results which showed her to be "at risk for "ED"!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!! I HAD NO IDEA!!!

"ED" is NOT what I thought Maddison's IEP was built around. I thought it was built around the simple fact that she is OHI and needs an INDIVIDUAL EDUCATION PLAN!! Because Maddison is no longer in need of "ED" intervention (or any other "services) she is no longer "eligible" for an IEP. Of course, now she must have all the academic and Psych testing re-evaluated before this is final, BUT, this is what Maddison's case manager is telling me. I beg to differ, and I WILL fight to the death on this. As always. Gotta love us D moms :)

It takes a team

Thank you school nurse for consulting me FIRST in these crazy times of lows for Maddison!! THANK YOU!! We are a team. It takes a team to manage Diabetes. An entire TEAM. Mom, Dad, siblings, neighbors, friends....we are all needed to catch Maddison's lows before they become scary, for sometimes she can't lately it seems! Is this what I get for turning down the CGM? LOWS? Scary lows? PLEASE don't make me have to decide between keeping my child safe and keeping her happy. She doesn't want a CGM. I dont either. Isn't it enough to see her attached to a pump every day? I don't want another device attached to my childs body! PLEASE! Enough with the lows!!

I've always said when the time comes and Maddison's Diabetes isnt "easily" managed
anymore I will consider the CGM....I really HOPE this isnt the time!!

The past two days Maddison hasn't had any lows. She has been high because the new ratio and sensitivity changes. I've been over riding the pump suggestion for corrections of highs and dosing far less than the norm, knowing she will drop. About a month ago before all this craziness, I was thinking to myself how AWESOME it is that everything is set "just right" for Maddison Diabetes. You bolused, she ended up under 130 without going low. That never lasts long does it? I guess THIS is what I get for thinking.

Maddison felt low at 8:10am this morning, thats just an hour and a half after breakfast. She was 307. Two hours later she was 40. FORTY. Maddison woke up high this morning after I under corrected highs all night as I have been doing. What worked yesterday, didnt work last night. Who would have known? If the pump suggested .4 for the high, I dosed a .2 instead. Then this morning I correct a 248 with the same HALF dose and she's 40 3hrs PP!!?? Make up your freaking mind DIABETES! I'm DONE with you being this way!!

What would I do without our school nurse? She called after Maddison's low to ask many questions today, I think she is seeing that this is a weird spell, not just Mom being clueless on how to make changes to stop the craziness. I explained how to over ride the pump suggestions. I explained my theories. I've explained WHY we bolus back some of the low carbs after she is stable at a higher number. (in this case she was 3hrs PP) We are a team. I appreciate her interest in this craziness, especially since I'm feeling entirely defeated right about now. Two high days. One LOW day. One good day, one LOW day. Three high days. One low day. TWENTY TWO!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING!!??

The nurse is calling back at lunch to give me Maddison's number and I will give direction, because.....Guess what I did for the first time as of today? Turned Maddison's ratio BACK to 1:25 as it should be, because she has been HIGH the past 3 days after lunch! So, now I'm worried!! Going back to the "normal" ratio today after a 40 this morning!!?? NO!!! Its already programmed in the pump to dose that old ratio as of 11am today!!! I'm gonna have to make a split minute decision over the phone for lunch dosing today. THIS IS MY CHILDS LIFE YOU STUPID DISEASE!!! Make a split second decision that affects my childs life??!!! Her well being!!?? Her health!!!?? MY HEALTH!! My mental sanity!! Probably my blood pressure! I HATE this!!!