Tuesday, October 22, 2013

For Shamae

In loving memory

When words cease to come
When your heart simply says it isn't so
When nothing you can say will make it better, kneel and pray.

Many years ago I started this blog as a place to vent and cry my tears, at a time in my life where I couldn't see much but darkness surrounding me. My blog became a place of comfort and security, a place I could release endless emotions while learning to live this new crazy life as a Mom to a young child with Diabetes. Little did I know at the time, I was about to be taken in under the wings of other Moms just like me. They were out there, and they were listening. Understanding. Reaching out. Commenting. Encouraging. Inspiring. Offering endless support.

It was here on my blog that Shamae reached out to me. Shamae's own Daughter was diagnosed with Diabetes at the age of 4, just a short time after Maddison's diagnosis. Although I was never lucky enough to meet Shamae in person, it always felt as though we had been lifetime friends from the start. Here we were, just two Moms living the life of "same same" and chatting away as online friends, while watching each others children grow through the years. Witness to each others triumphs and struggles along the bumpy road, Shamae was my angel in disguise. Her kind words always seemed to mend my broken heart, and she had the ability to overcome (with a smile) anything that came her way.

Over the weekend we received the shocking news that Shamae passed away in her sleep. Suddenly, and unexpected. She was just 30 years old. Shamae leaves behind three beautiful Daughters and her Husband of many years. Its unbelievable. Devastating. Unreal.

Shamae's insight and outlook on life is something I will always remember and cherish. Shamae was always a shining example of pure faith, hope and determination. I could never thank her enough for helping to pull me out from my post diagnosis darkness, just by simply being a friend. Shamae's husband and children were the center of her world, and her love for them was absolute. Through all life's hard times and what sometimes seemed to be endless struggles, Shamae still smiled. She always came out on top. She was one hell of a fighter for sure. Shamae was a fierce advocate for her Daughter, and perhaps one of the best advocates for ALL our children that there ever will be. Determined, strong, devoted. I have no doubts, Shamae was truly an angel, sent here for great purpose. I think she has served that purpose well and beyond, more than anyone will ever know. She has touched so many lives, just by being who she is, and being a great friend to many....even if just through a computer screen. Shamae has certainly earned her wings.

Shamae was an even better Mother, and a beautiful devoted wife. I often found myself in awe over her CRAZY HAPPY LIFE! Happiness just seeps from her little girls smiles, showing just how great of a Mom she really was.

There are no words to describe the sorrow I feel in my heart, for her babies. For her husband, her family. Shamae's beautiful life was taken too soon, for reasons no one could ever truly understand.

Shamae, I will cherish our online friendship for eternity. We will do our best to fulfill your dreams, and see to it that your sweet Sydney gets her cure one day.....

Love always,

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Summer, School and TIRED!!

The Summer months, (as always) provided a time to be more relaxed about blood sugars, and apparently my tired brain decided to also take a break from middle of the night blood sugar checks way too often this Summer!! Nothing is more scary and frustrating than not waking up to an alarm clock when you NEED to. How can you not wake up to multiple set alarms!!?? I just dont understand it!! As a result, Maddison spent much of the Summer simply running too high overnight, which means I felt terribly guilty all Summer long! Thank goodness Summer has ended and School is back in session! It makes managing blood sugars so much easier overall, and, there is nothing like a good old routine to see what is REALLY happening in Diabetes land!

So, Im proud to say that Maddison did fairly well (without supervision) this Summer managing her Diabetes. There was no school Nurse to make sure she was checking her sugars when she should be, no school Nurse to verify carbs counted, and no school nurse to make sure she didn't over treat lows. Yes, my Maddi did pretty darn well most days!! While she did run much higher than usual for most of the Summer, (laziness, growing and eating all day long!!) the important thing for me was that she was expected to be more independent in her Diabetes decision making. At her age, it naturally just kinda falls in to place, just the way I think it SHOULD BE for our kids. Pushing kids too fast, too soon towards Diabetes self care (I hear) can have terrible consequences. As with anything Diabetes related, there is no right or wrong way. This is just what works for US! Maddi could text or call me at anytime while I was at work....but my goal of the Summer was to stay (FAR!)in the background of Diabetes care while Maddison took the lead. Im happy to say we survived without me having to nag too much!! (Though she may say otherwise!)

As with most Diabetic kids her age, there were many, many days when Maddison just didn't check her blood sugars as often as I expected her to. We personally shoot for checking sugars every 3 hours, unless things are VERY predictable, then Maddi would only be expected to check before meals and at bedtime (with Mom checking at Midnight and 3am) but how often does Diabetes remain THAT predictable? Not for long! But when it does, it saves us alot of finger pokes and test strips! I think kids "forgetting" to check their sugar is fairly "normal" for this age isn't it? Throughout the Summer there were days that Maddi got the lectures of Diabetes care, TV time taken away, and a nagging Mom by text message and such....but at the end of the day when reviewing her numbers Id always say, "AS LONG AS YOU BOLUS FOR EVERYTHING YOU EAT" then I am happy. And by reviewing her pump history, this kid likely didn't miss a bolus! Some days she was bolusing 10 times a day!! (Im sure she enjoyed not having Mom there to say "you don't need to eat another serving size"!) Maddi ate all day long it seemed, and according to her 3 inch growth spurt over the Summer, she may have needed the extra serving size! In my opinion, not bolusing very carefully for every carb consumed is where you will REALLY screw up your A1c and your health. So not checking your sugar once in a while? Well, Ill pick and choose my battles on that one! Im just happy she never skips a bolus at this age!

So, poor poor me, I'm back to being overly TIRED since school started back in August. Falling asleep at my desk, falling asleep after dinner....TIRED!! School in our house means I'm strictly back to waking up every 2-3 hours so I can get blood sugars tamed once again. I love the school year now that my kids are older! There isn't any late night eating to interfere with basal rates. No odd sleeping patterns to throw off the logic of what needs to be adjusted where. No swimming, no nightly sleepovers....just a nice routine. Just how I like it. It makes managing numbers so much easier! After just one month back in school we were right back to where we need to be! The "predictable" and much lower blood sugar range! All my lack of sleep (and endless daytime insulin adjustments) for school have paid off immensely, just in time to see the Endo in 2weeks.

But, overly tired now means that checking blood sugars every 2-3 hours (or more often) is catching up with me. BIG TIME. Since Sunday I am starting to over sleep my night time alarms again! The alarms on my cell phone look like this....







7am....Well SHIT. Now I missed my morning walk!!!

Damn it. I guess I need a break from chasing numbers! Tonight my goal is to sleep at least a straight 4 hours! Lets hope Diabetes will allow, and I didn't just Jinx myself.