Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Alone

Maddison started 6th grade yesterday, which at our school means she now has a home room and 3 different teachers. YIKES. Big responsiblity, alot of change, and with this also comes my decision to FINALLY have Maddison managing her Diabetes within the classroom. No more going to the school Nurse, unless troubleshooting is needed.

My heart is suddenly very, very sad.

Sad that Maddison has the extra responsibilty of such a major disease, especially now when so many added responsibilities are emerging.

12 is such a hard age. Socially, emotionally....and then there is Diabetes.

I'm sad that Maddison may feel "different" while surrounded by the watchful eyes of her peers with every finger poke and BEEP from the meter or insulin pump within the classroom.

Sad that the time has come to turn Diabetes over to her, leaving her "alone" with this stupid disease.

Long overdue? Perhaps. Its so hard to let go, especially letting go of Diabetes.

Letting go all depends on the child, and Mom knowing when the time is right. Diabetes is something that you never want to hand over, while at the same time preparing for it has been in the works for years. Suddenly one day you realize its time to step back, and all you are left with is hope that Diabetes will be tended to the way it was within your own care. Its an overwhelming responsibility sometimes.

This is a huge milestone. This is very different from all the years Maddison has been managing her Diabetes under a watchful eye. This is Maddison OWNING it ALL DAY LONG. Owning it.

My heart feels alone FOR her.

Its time for my little birdie to fly. Bittersweet, and heart breaking all at the same time.

4 comments:

Type1teenager said...

i took over my diabetes completely at 12 like literally everything carb counting every test every injection :-) i did it so im sure she'll be fine :D

Denise aka Mom of Bean said...

There are times that I fee like this for Bean because there's not a full-time nurse at her school.
It's one thing for them to choose to handle D care on their own, but to know that there's no choice in the matter makes it a totally different situation!
HUGS!!!
I know she'll rock it because her mama rocks it!

Wendy Rose said...

Ohhhhh..........this makes me cry. I remember her as a little. You and I slinging the D and catching highs and lows like crazy.

Wow. 12 and growing faster than we can keep up with.

I understand the sadness, but FWIW, I think you're an amazing mother and you've been an amazing pancreas for for both of you.

Stay strong, my friend.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Bittersweet indeed.