Thursday, July 26, 2012

It shouldn't be

It shouldn't be that I have to wake my sleeping child before I go to work in the Summer... in fear that she may go low and wont wake up, EVER AGAIN. But Diabetes says I have to.

It shouldn't be that when she is sick and I'm at work I have to tell her no naps. But Diabetes says I have to.

Sure, I could call home in an hour or two and have her check her blood sugar....but what if she didnt wake up to the phone ringing? What if by then it was already too late?

Outsiders who dont live this life may think this sounds like Im over protective. Like I worry too much....but its our reality living with Diabetes.

It shouldn't be that a normal head cold inflicts life threatening ketones and wildly swinging blood sugars, but it does.

Today Im angry for many reasons not even closely related to this stupid disease....but somehow today Diabetes is about to push me over the edge.

Maddison just called me at work asking if she could go back to sleep for awhile...she has been sick for over a week with a nasty cold and as of yesterday has an ear infection. She feels like shit. If she didnt have any IOB I would without hesitation tell her to sleep as much as she needs....but to complicate things she JUST ate breakfast (which I carb counted and told her to bolus by phone) so now she has over 4 units of insulin active from her "guesstimated" carb count by phone which includes a correction for a 400 blood sugar that has haunted us all night.

FUCK YOU DIABETES.

Sometimes sleep isnt safe. That time would be now, because Im not home to stand watch over my child.

This could go either way. She could crash from the correction or she could crash from a wrong carb count. She could crash just because sometimes you do, or she could crash because basals arent set around naps.

Or, she could be perfectly fine.

Is a nap something you chance when there is no adult home to stand watch?

Today it is. It has to be. You cant always be there. Living life by chances is what we do. Im literally taking a chance on my child life by allowing her nap with Diabetes while I am away. That hurts my heart in SO many ways. Maddison needs her sleep right now, and no child should be told they cant sleep when they are sick. So, in comes the big Sister.

My sweet Hannah, I had to wake her up to let her know I will be calling back to have her check Maddisons blood sugar in 2 hours. I had to remind her that if Maddison kicks around and makes noises in her sleep she might be low. I had to remind her that just because her blood sugar was 400 all night, doesnt mean it wont come crashing down unexpectedly. I had to remind her that I appreciate her standing in to keep Maddison safe while she naps, and I had to remind her this isn't an option....its a must.

A simple nap, is so much more for our kids with Diabetes.

It just shouldn't be.



5 comments:

Joanne said...

Yesterday Elise took a nap in the afternoon, and while I was thankful for the break (Mattias was napping too), it made me nervous and I couldnt really relax because I kept wondering why she was sleeping and if I should check her.

You're right... It shouldn't be.

Denise aka Mom of Bean said...

No, abso-friggin-lutely SHOULD NOT BE!!
Hoping she is over the nasty cold soon...not just for her sake, but yours, too!!

Jules said...

yes i hear you and i feel it too. its always there, and its heavy. not just each night, but my son was a tiny baby and we found it so uncomfortable trying to fit a daytime nap around his 'schedule' of insulin. it came to be more about the diabetes, and less abt the baby. and geez we know sick kids and babies need naps and rest :( with d in the mix, it just aint that simple. big hugs my friend.

Reyna said...

Oh Kelly...that just plain ol' sucks. I have been fortunate...to date...to always be around. I am thinking of going back to work in the Fall and it is stories like these that make me really question my decision.

I hope she feels better soon and that the blood sugar GODS smile down on you my Dear Friend. xo

Sandy said...

Although it is my husband, not my child, I have the SAME EXACT frustrations and worries. And yes, some people think I am an over paranoid worry wort of a wife, but truth be told, without the phone calls to check in on him during the day, things can go wrong; and they have more than once. So we live the way we need to and some days I also say: F u Diabetes! Love your blog!