Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Nowhere

Adjusting. Logging. Watching. Waiting. We aren't getting anywhere. Checking. Correcting. Checking again. 12am. 2am. 4am. At 6am my day begins, even though I'm not sure where yesterday ends. Its easy to fall into the motions of the day, but its hard to stay focused. Its hard to think clearly.

Its a struggle to not feel defeated in times like these, or incapable when all you see are highs. Its hard to care about anything besides getting through the day. Waiting for the next number, so you can try....try...and try again. Deciding what needs to be done next. Waiting for that next number. Trying to get anywhere....only to see that you are getting nowhere. What a fucked up disease this is.

8 comments:

Reyna said...

Kelly I am so sorry to hear this. I can relate. I HATE a stubborn string of highs way worse than lows. Lows are easy - give juice - DONE. Highs...not so much...tweak...study...wait...tweak...study...wait...it can take weeks and it is FRUSTRATING to say the least. Hang in there. Chin up. Know you are not alone!!!

Valerie said...

It is a disease that can definitely weigh you down. Not sure if this post is a reflection of you feeling it or just commenting on it...either way, hope you are having a better day!

Anonymous said...

Puberty... pre-puberty.... 11 to 13 year old time period, numbers are crazy! Had our hardest time when she was 12ish. You will figure it out. But even the endo was disbbelieving at the amount of basal required (for us 7pm through 3am we often used triple her existing basal). So trust your observations, remember that they can come back to baseline the same evening, so prepare for many nights of little or no sleep. Invest in a cappacino machine or expresso pot. The very strong coffee really helps. This crazyness will be over in about two years, replaced by the crazyness of the menstrual cycles. You can do it, but you may need to take a nap during the day early evening hours when someone else can spell you out. It stinks, I'm sorry.

Wendy said...

(((hugs)))

This storm will pass...remind yourself of that. These storms always make me feel worthless and incapable.

I'll pray for the seas to die down and the wind to settle soon.

You're going to get back on top of this game.

I have faith in you, my friend.

Heidi / D-Tales said...

Accchhhh!!! I'm frustrated for you! But, keep going, my friend! Don't give up!

Kerry said...

I hate those days too :(

sfincham said...

"Amen" sista'. We are feeling ya over her in Topeka. We have had wonky for 1 1/2 weeks now and I just keep doing the ol' ok, day by day, just give it another day before you adjust too much...D is an EGO BUSTER!!! ((hugs)) and good luck! =)

Jules said...

i hear ya loud and clear on the not knowing where yesterday ends. its a tired fogginess that came over me at diagnosis of my son, and hasnt left yet! hang in there xx.