Monday, July 19, 2010

Goodbye Foot Naitze

Its time for me to get back on track with my D management, so tomorrow I see a new Endo. Dr Dajani, Maddison's Endo will see adult patients up to age 40. She is exactly what I need right now. I havent been taking care of myself as I should. I'm only checking my blood sugar 3-6 times a day. Running high WAY TOO OFTEN. I feel low at 90. Its been bad. Im ashamed. What used to be 90's-160's has become 180's to 300's. My A1c is going to be the highest EVER, and when I hear it I might just cry.

The Endo I've had for the past 4 years had to go. Besides being a foot naitze (no flip flops, toe rings, pedicures) she is the type that always expects "perfection." My a1c has been between 6.0-6.3 without much effort since I was diagnosed. My last was 6.5% and the Foot Naitze nagged at me for it. Seriously? If I walked into her office over 7% she'd call me non-compliant. Thats just how she is. (she mostly sees T2 patients anyway) So goodbye foot naitze, I don't need to hear it right now. I need motivation and understanding, not criticism.

There is alot of chaos going on this summer. Im not going into detail, but I have been an emotional train wreck. My mom is also struggling with loneliness, and our hearts are void and broken since my Dads death. We spoke to a counselor that Hospice provided, and it did nothing but take our mending hearts and rip them open. Some things are better left alone. I dont want to recall those 25 days in ICU. I just want to move forward and know my Dad is in peace. Without Diabetes. Without Dialysis. Without the pain of neuropathy and blindness.

So, Ive let my Diabetes care slide in this time of heart ache. I cant eat. I'm nauseated all day. I've lost 10 pounds because I cant eat and my blood sugars remain in the higher range. Im way to thin and I've lost alot of muscle mass. I'm not looking so good. I actually wonder if something else is going on. Maybe my Goiter or Thyroid masses are changing. Who knows. What I do know is today I'm actually back to trying to tame this demon. Diabetes needs to be tamed. I promise to check my sugars more. I promise to eat. I promise to make adjustments where needed instead of just ignoring the fact that my Diabetes isnt easy anymore. My promise to myself. My current BS is 336....and I should be ashamed.

Maddison's numbers have been GREAT. This has been very boring summer, except that Ms Hannah is always entertaining with her silly girlfriends here every day. Its time to get ready for back to school. Where has the summer gone?

Goodbye foot naitze. I need understanding right now, and Dr Dajani is exactly that. I need to get back on track without the guilt of whatever my A1c reveals. I'm moving forward and refuse to look back.


Tracy said...

1st off, I am SO glad to have you back! I have definitely missed having you around the online world! (and the in person world too!)

2nd, I know Dr. D will be EXACTLY what you need right now! I am SURE she will motivate and support you, the way you need right now.

Hugs to you! And I am REALLY glad to have you around. :)

Lora said...

Good for you. We can all understand the need for a break. But I am so happy that you have decided that you need to tame the beast. I hope you find the understanding you need with your new doctor and if you ever need motivation... just look at your girls. They are beautiful and they need you to take care of yourself just as much as you take care of them.

You can do it, but you already know that :) Take care Kelly. You have lots of people thinking about you and sending prayers your way.

Meri said...

Happy day! This endo is just what you need! Love ya Kelly!

Tracy1918 said...

First, I'm glad you're back! I was just getting to know you and you disappeared! : )

You know sounds like this is a fresh starts. And it sounds like you're ready.

I say, put the past behind you and move forward. Today is a new day. : )

CraftyLikeLindy said...

Good for you Kelly. I hope that Dr D gives you the support you need. We have missed you guys so much! Let me know if you need anything.