Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Off track

I have been consumed lately and not blogging (or accomplishing anything) lately because of these little monsters!

The third week of puppies was tough, CONSTANT cleaning up after them since mommy dog wasn't any longer. Being a germ freak, it was HARD for me to find any time in the day that I wasn't obsessed with cleaning up after these 8 puppies. Holy tiredness! I got them paper trained really well for about a week, then they needed more room to run and play so they took over the kitchen, and there went the paper training. Bummer! That was so much easier. Weeks flew by, here we are and they are now 7 weeks old. We dropped off the 2 JDRF puppies to their new homes last week. We sold 2 more, and are left with just 4 little monsters. They are actually pretty easy right now since they go outside so much and poddy out there and everything. They entertain each other. Who would have thought 4 puppies could be easy? LOL I love them to death, they keep me laughing and I almost want to keep each one! ALMOST that is.

So I have been a mess of BAD BAD BAD eating. Girl scout cookies came, Valentines Day, all timed with PMS which always makes me eat everything in sight. Weekend in Vegas. UGH!! WAY too much drinking, that causes even more downward spirals of bad eating for me. Why is it the worse you eat, the worse you continue to eat? The lazier you are the lazier you get? Which reminds me, when I drink too much I don't take my anxiety/depression medication, so that explains me feeling emotional and unmotivated. When these puppies go it is time to get back on track. For me that means the work out track. When I work out I have no problem eating right, it just follows naturally. Quite amazing really. I have no interest in eating things for pleasure when I work out. So my main problem now is that my sleep is disturbed not only by blood sugar checks, but the spoiled, crying puppies that want to play, or have to go outside every 2 hours. That makes it hard to get up early and work out. Yep. That is a good excuse! But a true deterrent right now. 8 puppies is like 8 toddlers. But they don't wear diapers. Picture that as my crazy life the last 3 weeks.

I haven't even been logging Maddison's numbers! This is the first time ever in over a year that I haven't logged every single detail of her day. Her numbers have been very predictable despite my last blog about craziness and lows. She went right back to her old ratio's and basal's too! How perfect! I guess that is why I feel it was okay to take a break from logging her numbers. Things have been good there. It scares me for some odd reason to not be logging though. It makes me feel totally irresponsible in her care even though her current meter average is a great 155. It makes me feel I am missing something. I own her numbers. They belong to me in a weird way. I work for every-single-one of those damn readings. Each one is a reflection of how hard I try to keep her close to "normal".......I know, it isn't. But my mind tells me it is. The guilt of not logging her numbers is eating me alive, so back tonight I will go.

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