34 and PMS

A few weeks ago Maddison was running high, high, high. It used to be that "high" was 200-250's for Maddison, but nowadays the threshold of "high" has changed since the TWEEN years are here. 280's-380's is now not uncommon for high spells. GASP!!!

After 2-3 days of high patterns I get on those numbers!! I start by increasing basals around the clock, and if that doesnt work in 2 days or so, I also adjust the ratios with MORE added basal power. Right now Maddison is at 80% more insulin per day than she was a few weeks ago!! Logging. Tracking. Studying. I used to be able to "flip flop" between 2 different basal settings in her pump. One for "normal" and one for "high spells" so everything would fall into place with just a simple pattern change set in the pump memory. Not so much anymore! I tell you this Diabetes and hormone resistance is some scary stuff!!

JUST when I find the right changes to Maddison's insulin doses she will have a week or two (rarely 3) of near "perfection" with numbers....and then it suddenly changes. That "perfect" week of numbers has passed us by yet again.....

As of yesterday.

143 before PE and 54 after. Of course, I blamed PE for "causing" the low, although I was starting to question if it was about time her insulin needs (basal rate mostly) were dropping again.

Stupid me, I didnt know today was a PE day again. If I did, I could have suggested Maddi have a small snack JUST IN CASE. But, Im too late. 151 before PE was great(no IOB)but before class was over the nurse was called to rush over to the gym for my dear, sweet child who was fading fast. BS = 34

Mom FAIL.

GUILT.

Guilt is a HUGE manifestation of this disease. Even if we know better than to place blame.

I could beat myself up over "inflicting" this low on my poor kid, or I can blow it off and sit down with the numbers tonight.

I have to choose the numbers. Just sit down with the numbers and fix it!! Stop feeling guilty!!! Because, I know better. Because I have to. Because we ALWAYS pick ourselves back up and shrug off the guilt for our own best interest. I believe Diabetes is a 50/50% mental disease, SERIOUSLY!!!

Do you know what I suspect? Maybe this is too much information....but, I suspect Maddison's hormone levels are following her older Sisters menstrual cycle. YEP. Add another variable to the blood sugar drama of a growing girl! (she hasnt actually "started yet") Ive been aware of this reality for years now, but lately its becoming a very clear picture!! The older Sisters PMS was some CRAZINESS over the weekend, then "the day" came, and.....BOOM! Maddison started with the LOWS. Very interesting indeed.

Lucky me, I had surgery to end mine back in 2010 and let me tell you, I dont have the same highs and lows each month like I used to! Once that PMS would start my blood sugars would be bonkers. Much higher than normal. Unpredictable. Then as soon as the "time came" my blood sugars would drop like a rock. Out of no where. Usually while I was sleeping. Today with this crazy low I am reminded that any month now my poor sweet little girl will be CLOSER to more of a woman. Nooooooo!!!!Im feeling a bit traumatized actually!

UGH. Bring it on PMS, I figured you out once for myself, and I will just have to figure you out again. -Sigh-

IOB, not so NICE and randoms

IOB, or Insulin on board is the amount of insulin you still have working to bring down your blood sugar. Tonight at bedtime Maddison needed a correction dose. She was 210 but entered 280 into her pump. She was simply careless I guess. For some reason tonight I decided to look over her pump history for the second time....I usually do every night as she sleeps...but I already did earlier in the day, so it was just by chance that I caught this error of her entry just an hour after she fell asleep.

SCARY.

What if that tiny extra amount of insulin were to cause a low? A low that she would never wake up from? It COULD happen. It does happen. And sometimes, it happens without explanation. But could you imagine if you were the parent that made a mistake? Or the parent that missed your childs mistake? Its simply unfathomable.

So, I just set a temp reduction to Maddi's basals to balance things out. We shall see what the next hour brings. Tonight this little mishap reminds me of just how careful we ALWAYS need to be. Parents NEED to be the watchful eye, esecially while independance flourishes. Always. No matter what. Insulin pumps make our lives so much easier, in so many ways....yet they can be dangerous when not closely monitored. So for those that question why we still need to watch over our child's Diabetes management, this is why.


This morning I left for work after giving Maddison yet another correction dose for a high blood sugar. Dad was home with the girls today. Maddi knows to check her blood sugar before eating breakfast. Dad reminded her. She told him she would check....but overlooking her pump history today I see that she didnt. Why? Because, without constant reminding it seems most D kids just dont want to poke their fingers. They just dont. Even though they know they NEED to. Dad should have verified that she checked. But, he didnt.

-Sigh-

I text Maddison from work at Noon for her blood sugar number. She was 398. Dad said she "forgot" to bolus an extra 15c he suggested at breakfast. Of course.

At 5pm when I got home from work I asked Maddison when she checked last. It was at Noon. She corrected the 398, but never rechecked a few hours later and never ate lunch. She KNOWS to recheck a crazy high two hours later, but without my constant "reminding" she sometimes fails to be responsible. Even Dad failed to be responsible and ask her where her numbers stood. This is typical. He leaves the responsibility to her.

I play this game on my own. 24/7/365

While Maddison will face a consequence for not doing what she needs to be doing....Dad just shrugs it off and places the "blame" on her. Something is incredibly fucked up there if you ask me. Yes, Im bitter. I have every right to be. Ive discussed this with HIM until Im blue in the face, and broken at heart. And nothing ever changes. I dont understand why.

These days Maddison is quite resistant to insulin. What used to be a total daily dose of around 18-20 units a day is now around 40 units a day. Hormones. Puberty. Growing. This girl of mine is growing like a weed. Diabetes is becoming something it never was before. It isnt "fun" or talked about by Maddison anymore. It just IS. Just there. Ignored mostly. Exactly what most tweens/teens with Diabetes want most in their life. Normalcy. Its a great thing actually, when Maddi is being responsible that is. While most days she is very responsible, the days she struggles or "forgets" are the hardest for me.

I dont blog much anymore. There isnt much to say. Nothing is surprising anymore. We have ups, downs and everything in between. Mostly, I just dont want to talk about it anymore, and I cant seem to find the words even if I do! Often while I am awake waiting on blood sugars at night I will type out a post, only to delete it when Im done. Just venting to myself I guess.

We have been doing GREAT actually, even though this post seems otherwise! I started on the Omnipod back in December, and simply said, I miss my Medtronic Pump dearly! But, insurance issues win and with the Pod I am forced to stay whether I like it or not.

Time to check Maddi. 162. I'm 135. I'll set the alarm for 3hours from now. Lather, rinse, repeat.